Freedom and French Fries

I'm learning a lot lately. So much about God and myself.  They are lessons I feel I have to share.   My hopes are that these lessons might prevent people from going down some of the hard paths I have traveled.  I write this blog mainly for my girls.  I want them to read about details of their childhood and know my thoughts about important issues in their lives.  I really want them to know and believe what I am about to write today.  It's so important.

I wish I would have learned this about 20 years ago.  It is so simple. Yet when I heard it, it was profound and made so much sense.

Duh!

So here I am again, sharing something with you that I hope you will take to heart.  Especially my darling daughters.

Women worry so much about weight and appearance. Me included.  We (I) (Really I am writing this to myself) do not look at ourselves the way Christ does.  We need to look at our bodies as the temple of the Lord and take care of them accordingly. We need to be healthy, not skinny.

The goal for women is to be free.  At what weight are we free in Christ?  If you have to watch every morsel that goes into your mouth and exercise all the time to be a certain size then you are not free.

On the flip side, if you are not watching what you eat and not exercising at all you are not free either.  You are not taking care of your God given temple.

 God does not want us constantly be obsessing about our bodies or food or exercise.  That makes them idols. It keeps us in bondage.

As Beth Moore put it, "Exercise but then get on with your day."

This is coming from me. I. Am. A. Foodie. Self proclaimed. I hide in my closet and eat chocolate just so I don't have to share one tiny little bite.  I like nothing better than McDonald's french fries and a sweet tea and that is okay.  In moderation.  I believe God wants us to enjoy french fries.
Also, call me inconsistent. I am either running marathons or not working out at all. A little balance maybe?

I have been a size 2 and I have been a size... well let's just say much bigger.  But I have to ask myself at what size can I feel at peace?  Probably somewhere in the middle. Consider your height and weight.  What is your weight of freedom? There is nothing more satisfying than being free in Christ Jesus and accepting yourself as His glorious creation.

My prayer is that as women we can learn to be content with our weight and find the realistic size that enables us to be free in Christ.  I believe if we are being honest with ourselves, ladies, we know what that size or weight is. Don't go by what the world says.

To my daughters, please learn this concept of freedom.  Don't just make it head knowledge.  Pray about it until you believe it with everything in you.  Deep in your soul.  Learn it early in life and live it. Please. I am trying. Too bad I just learned it at 36.  I struggle and I am praying about it daily. I vow to pray for all four of you in this area as you become women.

Yes, I am literally regurgitating my Bible studies but I can't help it. Bear with me.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. 1 Corinthians 6:19

My girls ran their first 5K with me in December.  Anna left me in her dust.  This mama is trying really hard to practice what I preach and not just say it is important to be healthy but to model it.  I have to admit I am convicted that I preach healthy but my head says skinny...working on it.

 

 

Laundry. It's Trivial.

Now there is a title for you.  I'm sure that exciting title will reel in the readers.  I just felt compelled to write about laundry, it is a huge part of my life.

When I first became a stay at home mom I thought, What is there to this job?  I got this.  Oh how I was wrong.  There is an art to being a good great stay at home mom.  I have learned a few things, so I must share.  One of my tips has to do with what I have learned about laundry.

I used to be so consumed with laundry when my twins were two that I could hardly make myself do it.  It was like a terrible job that was always hanging over my head.  I used to let it pile up until there were no clean undies and I had no choice.

Tips about laundry....

Tip 1.  Some of you ladies out there have a laundry day and you do all the laundry on that day.  Kudos to you.  No can do.  If I leave all the laundry until 1 certain day it becomes so overwhelming I become paralyzed and don't do anything.   No clean clothes in the house ain't good for nobody.  I do a little laundry every couple days if not everyday.  To me it is a lot less daunting. A lot less folding, a lot less to put away.  Drop a load in while you get breakfast ready, or while you are helping the kiddos with their homework.

Tip 2.  Do not start the dryer over again.  I used to do this. I would think, Geez, I'm just not ready to deal with this task at the moment.   Let me just make sure this is good and dry and hit that button 1 or 2 or 3 more times.  IT IS DRY.  Go ahead and take it out.  You are just prolonging the inevitable. The object is not for the clothes to be crunchy.  You know what I am talking about.

Tip 3.  Go ahead and fold it.  Don't wait.  Don't leave a basket full of unfolded clothes.  It never gets easier.  Let's face it you are not going to think later, Wow! I'm so glad I get to fold this laundry now.  Plus, it will be so wrinkled you might just have to throw it back into the next load because it isn't wearable in its current state.  Not that I have ever done that.  That's my only option because I don't iron.  Folding the laundry quickly ensures I do not have to iron...that is way worse.  My mother in law was visiting once and asked where my iron was.  I actually couldn't find it.  I located it on the very top shelf of my laundry room cabinets (they go to the ceiling).  I had to stand on the washing machine to get it down.  I blew off the dust and it worked like a charm.  Did I mention I don't iron?

There's that accomplished feeling I get looking at a freshly folded basket of laundry.  But putting it away...that's another story.

Tip 4.  You are going to hate me.  Put the basket away immediately. Yes, your children will end up wanting to play in your basket.  They will dump out all your lovely piles and you will kick yourself.  Who needs extra work? I was just having a conversation in my head about this very thing.
Procrastinator Me. The babies are sleeping I don't want to go in there and wake them up.
Responsible Me: You know that they won't wake up. That is an excuse, Shannon. 
Procrastinator Me: You're too tired it will be fine to do it in the morning.
Responsible Me: Just do it right now.  You will not want to wake up to that in the morning.  You have a lot to do tomorrow and that will already be done if you do it now.
Responsible me won.  I'm secretly glad.  6 years ago procrastinator me would have won that battle for sure.

Tip 5. Start making your eight year olds put away their own laundry and threaten their lives if they cram it in the drawer. And learn to put the smack down on toddlers who change their outfit 10 billion times a day.

There you have it.  Laundry rules to live by. 

I'm perfecting this art of stay at home motherhood one day at a time.  It was either that or move in with my mother who gets some weird pleasure out of doing our laundry.  Or maybe she just loves us...a lot. 

Now go put your laundry away. There will be more in the basket before you get it in the appropriate drawers. Or, by the time you convince your children to do it or your toddler throws her tenth outfit for the day in the basket because she got a drop of water on her shirt. Seriously.

Serious Cuteness and Demons

My little Aubrey.  A cherub.  Maybe, I am a little biased. That youngin is sporting some long lashes attached to those piercing, baby blues.  Her blond hair falls perfectly around her face.   She is seriously cute.  Yes, I know, I am her Mama and I probably think she is cuter than she is.

My friends and I used to discuss whether we would know if our kids were ugly or not.  We even promised to tell each other the "truth."  I am convinced, no. You will never think your kid is ugly and your friends will never tell you the truth.  But I digress.

Really, I am saying all this to say that my angelic little Aubrey is cute but sometimes she can speak to me like she is possessed by the devil and has evil spirits flying out of her.  Out of her innocent, perfectly pursed lips, come the most horrific, statements of defiance and a tone of voice that will  make your tonenails curl.   I gasp, because it takes me off guard. I have never had any of my kids talk to me like this and I am not starting now.

Actually, the minute she talks to me in such a way, she immediately notices the displeasure (and shock) in my facial expression and follows her demand with her most syrupy sweet, softly spoken, "Please?"

Sheesh.

And to add the cherry on top, she usually follows her best manners with, "Mama, you are very pretty." Like that is gonna work....

The other day, I dropped my niece off at her home after preschool.  My sister's in laws are in town so we went in to say a quick hello.  We didn't have much time.  Aubrey went up stairs to play.  I totally knew what was coming before I told her it was time to go.  "We need to pick up Brynn at school," I yelled up the stairs. Aubrey comes half way down the stairs, crosses her arms and screams, "No. I'm not going.  Mama you are mean.  I don't like you."  (In a demonic tone)

I feel my face turning red as I pick her up kicking her feet.  I immediately turn to my sister's mother in law and say, "She hasn't had a nap today." It wasn't even true. Like the only reason she was acting that way was because we skipped her nap. Who am I kidding? I know full well my sweet girl could've slept three hours and she still would have reacted that way when it was time to leave.  Does that mean I am a bad mother?  I thought about it all the way back to my house.  Why did I feel the need to make an excuse for my child's bad behavior?  Was I scared they would think I am a bad parent?  They know I am not.

I felt convicted about the whole thing.

I am striving to be authentic.  I haven't raised my fourth child any differently than my others but she sure does have a fiery temper and it is embarrassing.  I'm done making excuses though.

Children will misbehave and it doesn't always mean we are bad mothers.  My prayer is that I don't feel the need to explain myself when it happens.

Audience of 1 people.  Jesus Christ. That's all that matters. He knows my efforts and my heart. With His divine help, I am trying my darnedest to raise, respectful, obedient, loving, and most of all godly children.  I am trying to be authentic through the process.

Next time you see a kid misbehaving or throwing a temper tantrum give the Mama a smile.  You know that, "I know how you're feeling, I have been there, I know you're trying, it's going to be okay" smile.

Don't judge. There is a very big chance that Mama might be me!

• Authentic faith is not just something I read
• Authentic faith is not just something I say
• Authentic faith is not just something I feel
• Authentic faith is not just something I think
• Authentic faith is something I LIVE!

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.  John 8:32

Bedtime-A Reverse Hostage Situation

Ben and I love to watch Jim Gaffigan.  He's a comedian and he is hilarious.  I know some of his stuff is on Netflix.  He describes having four children like this," Imagine you're drowning and someone hands you a baby."  Sad but true.

Let's see, when I was dreaming about the picture perfect family, before I ever had the picture perfect family I thought a lot about bedtime.

I imagined that all of my freshly bathed littles would crowd around me before bed, I would read them a story and say prayers with them and then I would sweetly tuck them in admiring their sweet slumber....NOT.

Okay, this is how it really goes. After dinner I look at each of my children, size up how dirty they are, think about the next days activities and figure out if there is any way I can get away with not giving them a bath.

Reading, um no.  I will read you 50 books during the day but at bedtime I am done. Done. Done. Done.  Put a fork in me. Not to say I don't sometimes read but I get to pick the book.  There is no way I am risking somebody picking the long book with 100 words on each page.  The more pictures, the better.

Then you have to factor in that each child will come out for some reason at least 2.5 times.  Yesterday to give you an example, Brynn came out to tell me Anna was listening to her iPod under the covers. Caroline came out to tell me Aubrey was stuck between her bed and the wall (background noise Aubs yelling "Help!").  Caroline finally came out for about the 6th time around 9pm crawled up next to her dad on the couch and said, "I'm going to sit here by you and watch TV.  I'm not really tired."

Whack a mole I tell ya.  Just like a game of whack a mole.  It is impossible to win.  Jim Gaffigan describes bedtime as a reverse hostage situation. "Just stay in there.  I will meet any demand.  I'll give you whatever you want, but just stay in there."

Somedays you have to laugh.  What else it there to do?

I Love You More...

I have four children and I try to have different things that connect me to each child.  For example, a code word, a special handshake, a certain way we kiss goodnight or a sentence that the other one finishes.  One thing I play with all my girls is "I love you more."

When playing I love you more, you look at the person and tell them you love them more than something you really, really like a lot.  We had time to play I love you more on our return trip from spring break.

It was very interesting to hear what my girls said.

Me: "Caroline, I love you more than sweet tea."
Caroline: "I love you more than chocolate ice cream with sprinkles on top."

Me: "Anna, I love you more than pretty flowers."
Anna:  " I love you more than hot tubs. You know how much I love hot tubs Mom." 
It's true when we go on vacation in the summer you will find Anna in the nearest hot tub even though it is 98 degrees.

Me: "Brynn, I love you more than getting blond highlights in my hair."
Brynn: " I love you more than a  Reese's chocolate egg."

Me: "Aubs, I love you more than McDonald's french fries."
Aubrey: " I love you more than purple blankey."
Whoa, purple blankey, that is alot, I thought to myself. My sweet girl loves purple blankey.  She wants purple blankey when she is sad, when she is scared and when she is just chillin on the couch.  That girl loves purple blankey and she just told me she loves me more.

Suddenly from the backseat, I hear Brynn pipe up, "Mama I don't love you more than God.  We're not supposed to love anything more than God."  It was one of those mommy moments when you smile and think, all the muttering about Jesus and teaching godly lessons on a daily basis is sinking in.  You think it doesn't matter and they will never remember but they do.   I am not naive to think that she totally understands what it means to love God completely and totally more than anything or anyone else in the world.  However, the seed has been planted and by her comment, I think it has begun to sprout. I think I have spent most of my adult life learning how to love God more.

Do we love God more? More than anything else or anyone else in the world. 

Do we put ourselves or our children before God?  Do we make idols of things like food or fashion or exercise.  Does how we spend our time and treat other people reflect that we love God more?

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.  Matthew 10:37

This made me think about how much God loves us. 

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:16

His one and only son.  He loves us more.

Spend Yourself

Well, we made it back from the Bluegrass state.  My old Kentucky home.  Love that place, but love coming home more. Driving back, I kept thinking about our trip up and how much my older kids pitched in.   I kept replaying in my head how Brynn stood right by Aubrey with a trash bag as she vomited.  All the while, I was trying to drive and screaming instructions from the front seat.  I even annoyed myself.  On the ride home, Anna must have picked her sister's blankets and toys off of the floor 50 times, never saying a word.  There was a gentle sigh after the tenth time or so.  It made me think about how having 2 babies back to back has required my 8 year olds to go above and beyond...alot.  And quite frankly, I feel guilty about it sometimes.  Mommy guilt.  It's the worst!  And yes, before you email me I know it's not from God.

Ironically, the day after returning from Kentucky I had Bible study at church.  We are studying Beth Moore's The Fruit of the Spirit.  By the way I highly recommend.  Okay maybe not so ironically, I kinda felt God nudging me a bit as Beth spoke about how selfish the world is.  She said we often shelter our kiddos from the wrong things by not requiring them to pour out for others.  In doing this we reinforce self absorption.  She went on to say that often times when we are in a pit in our lives, if we pour out for other people our problems don't seem so big anymore.  So true, isn't it?  I couldn't help but think of all the times I have asked my twins to pour out for the good of our family or their sisters over the past few years.  It was like God was saying to me, "It's okay."

Doesn't meeting people's needs make you feel good?  It's because we were designed by God to show kindness and goodness to others and when we do, it fills us up as well. It meets a need in us. We were created this way.

God really testified to my spirit that my kids would probably be very spoiled.  Yes, they are required to help out more because we have four children, but this is teaching them to be a servant, to be like Jesus. Do we possess God's heart of kindness and goodness? Do we share it? 

I'm so over lip service. I'm over religion. I am all about a relationship with Christ and the overflowing peace, blessing, contentment and goodness it brings.

I learned a verse this week that I have never read before.  I love it.

 If you spend yourself for others...

The Lord will guide you always, He will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.   
Isaiah 58:11

Beautiful.

Childhood Home

Sitting alone watching the icy rain drip down the window pane.  Comforted by the sights and smells of my home.  My childhood home.  I left many years ago to make my own life, have my own family.  However, I love to come home.  I love to walk through the door and be surrounded by the familiar furnishings, family pictures and the very same Easter decorations that adorned my house as a child. I am thankful to be apart of my family.

As I sit here deep in thought, the depth of gratitude for my life and my family overwhelms me.  I started thinking about my girls growing up and how I hope they will always love to come home.  I hope it will be a place they can come find rest from the world.  I hope it will always fill their hearts and minds with fond memories. Once they have made their own nests they will want to return to where their lives began and bring their children.

I am taking lessons from my mother.  She makes every effort to make my trip home relaxing, comfortable and fun.  How you ask?  She does all our laundry, the minute it comes off our bodies.  I no sooner take off my pajamas that they are freshly washed and folded on my bed.  She cooks our favorite meals.  She always has the kitchen stocked with yummy treats and homemade goodies to eat.  We don't need them so much anymore, but when my girls were babies she kept diapers and swim diapers on hand.  It's the little things.  The special touches.  I appreciate them so. She never makes us feel badly when our children break her decorations or spill on her floor. She takes people "potty" and shares the burden of getting the littles drinks five thousand times a day. She never complains about the toys she trips over in the floor.  I am grateful.

That is why I put 4 children in the car and drive 12 hours to see my mom and dad.  Yesterday, our trip wasn't fabulous, I will admit.  Aubrey threw up three times on our drive and the highway we needed to take was closed due to a rock slide.  We took a one hour detour through the hills of West Virginia.  I'm sure anyone would have given me permission to completely LOSE MY MIND, but miraculously-I didn't.  So glad that God has been working on me lately. I have learned to find joy regardless of circumstances.  Extra time to count my blessings.  I feel so much joy inside for my life. The trip may have taken a little longer, but we made it safe and sound to the place we love. We are surrounded by precious family.  My kids and I couldn't be more thrilled.

As I finish my coffee before daylight breaks I enjoy the silence. My thoughts consume me.  I think about how I want to be my girls mother now, not their friend.  God has given me the charge to raise these little ladies and teach them important lessons.  If I rely on God, follow His leading and raise my girls accordingly,  I can be their friend later.  But not yet.  Still too much to teach while they are under my roof.

If I teach them well and pass on the importance of a relationship with God, we will be friends later.  Just like my Mama and me.  We are best friends because she did the hard work of raising me right when I was young.  And now I love nothing more than coming "home" to visit, and chat and laugh cause we're friends.

Blessed chaos. My sister Stacy is also home this week. 7 grand kids, 4 adults and a partridge in a pear tree. Don't forget one happy Nana and Pop. Mama looked at me today and said, " I am in heaven." So glad she feels that way.  We refer to their house as,  "The House of Yes."  The grands get whatever they want and all is well.  I am excited to be a grandparent some day and do my share of spoiling. That's what grandparents are for!

The whole trip home Brynn kept saying, "Mama, I know this a long trip but it is soooo worth it."  I reply, "You're right sweet girl, so right."