Have I spent all week talking about the things that are bothering me or have I really prayed about them? Nope. I'm pretty sure I have just talked about them so much that I was wallering in self pity. When I recalled my conversations with friends I felt petty and selfish.
I have totally spent too much time thinking about myself and my life when I really need to get outside of my head and get over it.
Jesus your goodness is all around me. It is in the priceless moments with my family, they way you take care of your children in profound ways when we need it most, in the way the sun sets at night and rises each morning and in the 4 pair of feet with 40 painted toes that pitter pat across my floors everyday. His goodness stands right in front of my face, right here right now, asking for cereal. She is Caroline. She is my daughter. She almost died in January but Jesus saved her by His grace and mercy. She now wakes up everyday completely healthy and medicine free. How quickly we forget. We vow to never forget, but we do in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
Yesterday my photographer posted some of our family pictures to Facebook. It was the first time I had seen them. I just sat and stared at them for an hour. Brynn came by the computer and asked, "Mommy why are you still looking at those?" I sat there for a moment contemplating and then replied, "I can't believe you are all mine and how God put my beautiful family together. I am so blessed Brynn. I am so thankful." You wouldn't have known it one bit by my attitude this week.
I serve a God that gives unconditional love to me all the time. How many times a day do I fail Him and He takes me back with open arms day after day, willingly. He died on the cross so that HIS goodness would supersede my inadequacies. Totally overwhelming.
I'm embarrassed and ashamed. And let me tell you when I finally stopped talking and prayed over what was bothering me God gave me hope for change just like I asked.
Funny enough, I sat down to do my devotional yesterday and I prayed before I even opened the Bible that the Lord would open my eyes and ears to what He wanted me to learn. And lo and behold I came across the following verse twice within a few pages of each other! I had no idea that some verses are in the Bible twice... but they are. This one is written twice in the book of Proverbs.
"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."
Proverbs 21:9 (and Proverbs 25:24 for that matter)
Okay Lord. I get it. I will do better.
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