Stand still.

If I could make time stand still these days I would.  I am absolutely having the time of my life. I feel like I can breathe again.  I have the time and energy once again to appreciate the small things in life.

I am enjoying ballet classes, toddlers clomping around in my high heels, impromptu spelling tests on the blackboard, girls in the kitchen baking pies with me, dance parties in the living room to the song "Pumped Up Kicks", cooler weather, giggling in the bathtub, afternoon trips to the gas station for Coke icees, bedtime stories, family walks around our neighborhood.  I could go on and on.  I am taking it all in.

I feel incredibly blessed.  I am eternally grateful.

It's not that I didn't enjoy the baby days, but now with an almost 2 year old and almost 3 year old and of course my 7 year olds I am closing a chapter.  The baby chapter.  Most days I'm not all that sad. It's been a good ride but now the real work starts nurturing  and guiding the precious souls which have been entrusted to my care.  Each one unique all of them insanely special and fun.

We are having so much fun.  I love having four daughters.  I love watching sisters interact.  It's priceless.  I love that all my girls can talk to me and each other.  They have so much to say.  I'm listening. 

 I appreciate the small nuances of everyday life.  Lord help me not take them for granted.

Escape

Does anyone feel like it may be easier to escape from a high security prison then get out of your house to run an errand alone?

It has to be just the right circumstances.  One, if not two babies napping which honestly, doesn't happen that much anymore.  Two 7 year olds occupied either watching t.v. or doing homework and someone here to watch all four children.  The best scenario is all 4 in bed for the night with Daddy home to babysit.  Keep in mind for that to occur I would have had to finish dinner, clean up the kitchen, bathed and dressed the kiddos and given some of the 500 goodnight kisses, drinks of water and obliged multiple bathroom trips and still have the energy and desire to step out my front door.

When I do try and get out of the house alone I have toddlers hanging on my legs my twins crying that they never get to go with me and honestly, I usually cave and end of taking at least one of my  girls if not all of them.

Yesterday, I got to go Christmas shopping all by myself.  The whole time I had to talk to myself.  I found myself frantically picking up stuff to buy without really thinking.  That's what I do when the girls are with me.  I had to keep telling myself,  "you have time," "take your time," "you can try that on if you want you are by yourself."  I also found myself still feeling panicked at the thought of toddlers crying for me at home. I must have looked at my watch 100 times to see how long I had been gone.

Ok, I  have to admit as nice as it was to go shopping alone, I truly missed my babies. (My twins were at school).  I was all too anxious to get home and see them.  I know, I know weird isn't it?

Lord, help me take time for myself and not feel guilty about it.  Help me to remind myself that I am doing one of the best things I can for for my family when I take care of my own needs occasionally.  Thank you for giving me an overwhelming love for my children, that even when I do take a break for myself  I want to be with them again.  I can't even imagine the all consuming love you have for us--your children.

Adopt.

My days of infertility were the pits.  The months of trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant were some of the hardest days of my life.  I know it's difficult to believe but I wouldn't trade those days.  When I was going through all that, I tried so hard not to let infertility define me.  It was not easy.  It can become all consuming.  Trust me.  I know.  I thought about it 24/7... 365 for four years.

I wouldn't take any of that time back.  Not a single second.  It has made me who I am today.  It brought me to my lowest point.   It brought me to the place where there was nowhere else to fix my eyes but on Jesus.

I now look at my time in the "pit of infertility" as a ministry.  I think God wants us to take hard times in life and make good out of them, use them to help others.
I pray daily that He will bring people across my path who either need a friend who understands infertility or who wants to talk about adoption.  God is doing just this.  I can count 5 people in the last week he has placed right in my path.  Some are random people who I don't even know very well.  Ask Ben,  I can talk about adoption and infertility for hours.  Don't get me started if you really don't want to talk about it.  They are my passion! Sometimes, when I am in the midst of my stories I feel my honey kick my leg under the table. I get carried away.

I can trade infertility war stories with the best of them, but I much prefer to talk about adoption.  I remember the day I woke up and decided that's enough.  No more.  No more needles, no more heartbreak.  I want to be a mom and I want a happy ending.  I'm adopting. On that day Jesus gave me a peace.  A peace that passed all understanding.
As much as I want to tell people to "just adopt" I know it is not that easy.  Through the adoption process we have gained more joy then we could have ever anticipated and essentially given hope to the hopeless.  Wait, let me re-phrase that, Jesus gave hope to the hopeless, through me and Ben.  I couldn't be more humbled.  God in Heaven chose Anna and Brynn for a better life.  What a privilege and huge responsibility it is to raise them.

I know 100% that was God's plan for my life and my family.  I shudder to think if I had not listened to my Lord and never taken the journey to motherhood through adoption. It is single -handedly the hardest, but the best thing I have ever done in my life. 

With that said, I have to admit I will never regret trying all the fertility treatments.  I never wanted to become too old and wonder...  what if... what if I would have tried.  So try...but keep an open mind.  And know that adoption is not second best.

My two "miracle babies" that the docs told me I would never have followed Anna and Brynn's adoption.  Conceived naturally;)  I can honestly tell you there is no difference in my love for my children.  People ask me that frequently.

This post is also for the people who may be considering adoption and have never suffered through infertility.  You know who you are.  Listen to your hearts.  I am so thankful for the unconventional way God put my family together.  Four beautiful daughters...one lucky mama!

James 1:27

 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

Mate

I have already started praying for Anna, Brynn, Caroline and Aubrey's husbands.  My mother prayed for my husband.  It has hit me recently how important a life partner is.  Someone who will walk beside you in the journey of life.  Someone who compliments your personality traits, will be there when the tough gets going (and it will), and someone who is committed and who possesses a heart for the Lord.

Often, I am so disheartened by children these days.  I watch how parents are raising their children and think are there going to be any nice young men left out there when it's time for my girls to get married?  Am I raising my daughters to be good mother's and wives?

Ben is the perfect mate for me.  In no way does that mean we have the perfect marriage we don't.  Truthfully, if we both didn't love Jesus one of us probably would have been gone a long time ago.  Marriage is tough. 

We were taking a walk yesterday with our daughters.  Anna and Caroline were riding in their red motorized race car and Brynn and Aubrey were riding in their Barbie Jeep.    Ben and I were walking behind, holding hands watching our 4 crazy daughters race down the road.  Ben says to me, "This is more like it." "This is what I pictured when I envisioned taking a walk with my family."  We both laughed.  It has been and continues to be a crazy ride.  No way I could do it by myself. Ben always says if we didn't have four kids we'd be bored.  Ummm...not so sure I am sold on that statement but lucky me that the feels that way.

It hit me at that very moment that through all the good and the bad that God bestowed unto me the perfect mate.  Someone who isn't scared to death of having four kids and who not only tolerates but embraces life with our four daughters.  Ben wants to be present and a part of their everyday lives.  It is so fulfilling to have a husband who cares about being present for soccer games, wants to help with homework and plain 'ole likes hanging out with his family.

Most of all, I have been struck lately that Jesus gave me the perfect mate because he gave me someone who shares my heart for adoption.  Actually, to be honest, Ben was probably the leader in our adoption crusade.  God knew I would need that in my life.

It seems that many of the things we love about our spouse in the courting relationship become things we don't appreciate so much after the wedding bells, thus marriages fall apart.  And believe me, I know from personal experience, that each person brings baggage from their own upbringings to marriage that have to be sorted out.  Ben and I have had our share of hard times, but I love him and he loves me.

So lately, I am on my knees thanking the good Lord  above for my hubby and praying for the best partners to journey through life with my sweeties.  They will need them.

Think.

My friend just recently went on an vacation without her children.  She mentioned how tough it was preparing to leave.  She said she had so many  loose ends to tie up so that her kids would be well cared for while she was gone.  She mentioned it was hard to write everything on paper that needed to happen in her household while she was gone.  We concluded that essentially the mother thinks for each member of the family.

It is the absolute truth.  I think for every member of my family!  Why has this never occured to me before?  Maybe that is why being a mother can be so overwhelming at times.  As a mother, I keep track of who needs their shots, whose winter clothes don't fit, who needs new soccer shoes, who has to take cupcakes to her class party on Tuesday, who doesn't like condiments on her sandwich, who's medication needs refilled and who has a spelling test this week.  The list is endless.  Alot of the knowledge that swirls around in my head everyday is intricate stuff I know about each child's likes and dislikes but also stuff that keep our lives organized.

If something would happen to me tomorrow, I'm sure everyone would survive.   But would Ben know that Aubrey likes to lay on top of her blanket, have a sippy cup of water and needs her lullaby music on before bed so she won't cry.  Does he know that her blue shoes give her blisters if she doesn't wear socks and that when she is done eating that she will throw her bowl if he doens't take it from her?  Would he know that Brynn doesn't like cheese on anything, she likes the crust cut off her bread and I have to check on her 50 times during bath time because she never gets the job done otherwise.  Would he know that Caroline hates jeans and only likes to wear leggings, that she never eats much breakfast in the morning so is always hungry around 10am. Anna likes one specific pillow case, wets her hair as soon as she wakes up or she freaks out and would rather be dead than wear a dress? Does he know that if I don't remind her, she will have toothpaste all over her shirt and half of the bathroom?  It's difficult to tell people how to do things in my house because of all the little details that only I know as their mother.  I know, I know, I'm sure I have critics out there that say,  "you don't have to do all that stuff." You're right, I don't,  I want to.  Since I can, why wouldn't I want to make my children's lives as wonderful as possible?

Not to mention, the stuff I know and do for my husband that makes him feel loved and cared for as well.  Nothing makes Ben feel more loved than a clean house and a home cooked meal.  So, whenever possible I try to oblige.

I did have to get rid of my dogs...they were pushing me over the edge...

With four kiddos someone always needs new shoes, something for school, or has an activity to attend.  I pray daily that I can keep everything straight.  My neighbor told me the other day that her friend said to her, "Did you know that Shannon has two babies in addition to her twins? That's crazy. I pray for her all the time!"  That made me laugh.  I hope she really does pray for me all the time because I need it.  I only do my job well with lots of prayers and God's help.

So days that seem long, yet I feel like nothing has been accomplished...NONSENSE... everyday I think for 6 people! No wonder my brain is so tired at night.
Mom's, many people can't even think for themselves let alone 4, 5 or 6 people and especially do it with as much love and grace as we do!  So bravo!

 It makes me realize why it is always so hard for me to write a note for the babysitter!

Dance Party.

We have so much fun in our home.  Really, there is alot of craziness but most of all alot of love and laughter.

One of the things my girls love to do is dance.  In my limited years of being a parent,  I have realized one thing, music and dancing are totally therapeutic.  With four drama queens living under one roof there is never a day when one of them isn't having a hard time. Music helps the soul and puts people in a good mood.  When it's "witching" hour...(that would be about 4pm -6pm and everyone is tired, we are waiting for daddy to come home for dinner and babies want to be held right in the middle of making dinner) I blast the music and we have a dance party.  Seriously, it works. 

Sometimes we play Christian music, Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, oh and yes, I am not ashamed to admit my girls can break it down to some good 'ole rap. 

I had to laugh the other night when I was driving to soccer and my 19 month old was singing the song "Tonight, Tonight"  No, she hasn't uttered the words to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star yet but the girl can sing a mean pop song;)

I will never forget when my twins showed their Grandma how they could shake their booty.  She laughed politely and asked them where they learned that.  Both of them smiled and said, "Mommy."  I own it.  I did teach them.  I have been known to wildly dance around the living room right along with them.  All the while, thinking if people could see me now.

Dance parties are some of my most favorite family memories. I have captured them on video many times.  I never want to forget our dance parties.  We have had many to get us to this place.

Next time it is chaos in your home, you are dealing with bad attitudes or sheer boredom have a dance party!

Legacy

After my girls left for school today I felt a little unappreciated....  kinda like a maid servant.  You see, on Friday my girls are tired and not so eager to jump out of bed and go to school.  So who do you think takes the brunt of their displeasure?...yes you're right, me. 

However, I used to feel mistreated... but in a way I know it is because my girls know I have unconditional love for them and they can be ugly at times and I will still be here with open arms.

As I was pondering my job as a stay at home mom, which I do often, I was thinking about the legacy I will leave my girls.  My Papa just passed away last week and we talked alot about his legacy. He really had an impact on me and for that I am eternally grateful.

At my Papa's visitation I saw many people I had not seen in years. Most of them asked me what I did. My response was, "I have 4 kids," but as soon as the words left my mouth I instantly felt a pang go through my body. I wish I could have said something brilliant.

I thought alot about my feelings and concluded a mother is the primary teacher of the next generation there is no more important job.

God will honor a mother's love by blessing her and blessing her children.  A mother teaches by communicating her values and priorities and by being a model that her children can pattern themselves after. 
She models to her daughter the significant impact of her role as a wife and mother.  She models to her son the kind of woman he should marry.  She also teaches to her son how to honor and appreciate a woman's responsibility of being a wife and a mom.

I would like to thank my mother because I could not have had a better teacher.

In my opinion being a mother requires God's power to love and nurture.  Especially, on Friday mornings when children are mad at the world!

So when I am feeling trod upon I need to remember I am irreplaceable in the family.  Motherhood is a high and holy calling!

What kind of legacy will we, as mothers, leave?

I love this song:

http://youtu.be/eHX3qV83W3k