Confessions and the To Do List.

Does your to do list ever get so long that by the time you actually finish it (which doesn't always happen) that it is time to start over again?

Do you feel so overwhelmed by the chores in front of you that it is easier to sit in the chair and grumble than actually start working on something?  That has been me lately. 

I finally get the kitchen cleaned up from breakfast and somebody is already requesting lunch, or at least a snack.  I finally get in the groove of soccer, every ones cleats fit, we have all the equipment and it is time to start swimming of which we have none of the stuff that goes along with it. I check off that the laundry is complete and I see that a "no name" somebody has had a fashion crisis and put clothes that aren't even dirty in the hamper. (I know Mama I did that to you...paybacks)

Truly it's hard that everything I do gets undone, most days immediately. What is God trying to teach me? Lately, I have been waking up and wanting to throw in the towel. Most mornings this past week the minute I hear little voices and my children rustling in their beds I would think to myself no not yet, not again today, I'm not ready.  I have been carrying around a feeling of being defeated. Satan is winning.

I have been so convicted this week about seeing my children as mess makers, solely put here to destroy my nice neat house.  I am chasing a dream that really shouldn't even matter to me that  much...perfectionism.  I love a clean house.  I feel content and  relaxed when I can sit in a chair and look around and see tidiness.  I crave order in my chaotic life.  But it's too hard.   Most days it's not worth it and to achieve perfect order.  I have to sacrifice what's really important--special time and moments with my kids. I know this deep down in my soul and the sad thing is the whole time I am ranting and raving I know it's wrong and I should stop but I can't make myself.

But today is a new day.  God's grace fresh and new.  Today I am trying a new thing. 

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.  Isaiah 43:19

I am working through each chore one at a time.  That's all I can do.  Instead of looking at the big picture, I am conquering one thing at a time. Complete one thing and then move onto the next.  Working purposefully and deliberately and most importantly joyfully.  And when things are destroyed, I have to stop gain perspective before I speak or react.  I'm not perfect but I am working on it.

My sweet sunday school teacher says that your children are God's sand paper rubbing off your rough edges. So true.

I have way too many blessings to grumble.  You see those four mess makers, they are blessings!

There is a time, a season if you will, to sit in perfect rooms that look like the pages of a Better Homes and Gardens magazine.  I will probably be lonely in that season of life.  No one around to mess things up.  Lord knows Ben won't mess them up.  He likes order more than me!

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1