Yesterday I had two glasses of wine and took a Tylenol PM and went to bed at 8pm.
I usually pride myself on being able to pull myself up by my boot straps and thank God for my blessings and get on with my life. Not lately. And maybe that's why I haven't blogged. Because I have not been able to practice what I preach. I know better. My head has the knowledge but my attitude and heart just aren't following along.
It annoys me that my kids don't really care about school and they don't really care about getting a good grade on a test.. I care. I have come to the conclusion that I care too much and I have to stop. They are not responsible. Anna and Brynn wouldn't even have their heads on straight if they weren't attached to their bodies. When does it click that they need to be responsible for themselves and their school work?
Aubrey fights me on absolutely everything I ask her to do in a day. She is mentally and physically exhausting and I think I may take her back to Baptist South Hospital and tell them I want a redo. Just kidding-- kind of.... please don't turn me into child protective services. Aubrey dumped a bag of Cheez Its on the floor in my kitchen yesterday. I very nicely asked her to come and pick them up. She promptly replied, "No." (of course she did) and proceeded to stomp on them so they were smashed all over the floor. I literally felt my face turning red. But honestly, more than mad I felt defeated. I have raised my children all similarly. Why has this one seemed to turn out so differently? My sweet neighbor Kara tried to reassure me that all kids have different personalities and that she just may be different than my other 3. Maybe. But she is killing me. I have gray hair Stop it. Seriously.
The incessant amounts of paper and treasures and shoes and crayons that are constantly strewn all over my floor are annoying me to no end. I even started fuming when I vacuumed the other day because I thought to myself, "There has to be more to life than this.." I am over feeling like I am in the movie Groundhog Day. Same thing over and over...different day. Cook, clean, laundry, childcare. Cook, clean, laundry, childcare.
My children always have 5 reasons why they can't do what I ask of them and even when they finally grant my request they do it with an attitude and not joyfully. I am over it.
I know people have real problems in life like sick kids and lost jobs and failed marriages. I want to shake myself but I can't. So I apologize. Just having a bad couple of weeks.
If you clicked on my blog to be encouraged forgive me. Be encouraged that there are other mothers just like you, doing the same stuff and having the same feelings. Feelings that most mothers won't admit to because it makes them feel guilty and they feel people will think they are a bad parent.
I am being real.
One of my closest friends sent me this verse yesterday. A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out. Isaiah 42:3
People today I am on my knees clinging to God's word!
On a happier note. Sarah's wedding was beautiful and sentimental and everything wonderful I hoped it would be. My baby sis was the most gorgeous bride. And my munchkins did their duties with no problems.
My sister Stacy gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Caleb Tyler, who I am totally in love with. I am even more thankful this week, that I can spoil him and hand him back to his very capable parents. This girl is old and tired.
Finally, tomorrow I am going with my favorite girls to the Zac Brown Band concert. Hopefully, my cowboy boots, little black dress, some friendship and great music will help get me out of my funk.
Pity party is over. Thanks for coming and be careful on your way home.
Found this little note from Brynn. Mama said it was my little gift from above. I concur.
We all encounter these valleys whether it is with our children or other circumstances. I was just telling a friend the other day that I miss the time when our children were young because now that they are adults it can be even more stressful. Don't let the adversary steal your joy, the note from Brynn is a precious reminder of how much you mean to them even when they do not voice it. You are not alone in this struggle and as you told us in your blog I am empathetic to your feelings. I will pray for you and the girls specifically. Have a wonderful weekend.
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