Restraint

I turned thirty six this summer.  Instead of panicking about getting older, I am trying to focus on myself, how I've changed over the years and what I have learned, what I need to improve.  Specifically, how I have changed in regards to becoming more like Christ.  This past year, I have had my feet to the fire so to speak.  I have definitely gone through some struggles that have helped refine me.  Refiner's fire. But through the fire I have learned some incredible lessons.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  James 1:2

As I was pondering some important things I have learned this year I started thinking about restraint.  Restraint of the tongue specifically.  Sometimes people we just don't need to say it. This is a great challenge.  In essence if we can master our tongues then we can master out entire bodies We instruct our bodies through words whether spoken or through thoughts therefore, if we control our words we can control our bodies.

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Three areas this has really impacted me personally is in conversations with others, my marriage and in disciplining my children.

Previously in conversations with others I would always feel the need to defend my point of view or put in my two cents if you will.  Especially, when mothers start talking about their children, what works what doesn't.  We all have that friend who seems to know everything and who can solve all your problems in an instant.  I guess this year I learned to listen and not always contribute.  Also, I am not feeling the need to defend my positions or views so much.  Let's face it what works for me and my family may not work for someone else.  Not feeling the need to always chime in and convert people to my viewpoints is sort of freeing.

Restraint with the hubby.  We have all been there.  Our spouse says something, maybe throws a zinger at us and everything in us wants to respond by throwing a zinger back.  At least I do. Also, if Ben ever criticizes me I  feel the need to respond defensively.  Through God's grace I am working on this.  My sister said something to me that really stuck with me... Does what you say to your spouse bring Him closer to the Lord or farther away?  Ouch.  If it is the latter it doesn't need to be said.  Also, I have learned in my marriage during periods of disagreement, words can be fuel to the fire.  If I can just walk away and say nothing in the heat of the moment I am not throwing an accelerant on the flame escalating it to the next level.  You follow?  Furthermore, another important lesson I have learned from my sis this year is to pray for God to give me the exact words to say to Ben when I feel misunderstood. Restraining my tongue in the moment and spending time in prayer for the perfect, time, place and verbage to address hard conversations have helped my communication with Ben tremendously.

Last but certainly not least, restraint in hard moments with my children.  I consider myself a pretty patient person.  However, I have four children and there are some days I lose it.  You know the times when your eyes turn red, your voice sounds like Satan and you can't help but scream at the top of your lungs.  Yep that's me sometimes.  People say that I don't seem like a yeller and I have to laugh.  Because although that is not my first choice, sometimes I can't help it.  Is it effective?  No. Does it make me feel better...well sometimes...but not really.  My current devotional Jesus Calling has really helped me in those lose my mind moments. I close my eyes and bring Jesus to the forefront of my thoughts.  Stop and pray. How would Jesus have me handle the situation? Christ helps me be loving even though everything in me wants to throttle my children. 

It happened the other night with Caroline.  She was having a temper tantrum of epic proportions. I didn't let her have a slush because she wouldn't hold my hand in the parking lot. I decided she was just too filthy to put to bed without a bath.  Ever try to give an out of control child a bath?  I don't recommend it.  As I was running the bath water she picked up the bath towel and threw it in the tub completely soaking it.  I wanted to spank her on the spot out of anger and yell.  I stopped, brought Jesus in to the forefront of my mind, calmed myself down, was able to address her firmly, but calmly which eventually calmed her down.  Later, I rocked her and talked to her about her bad choices. I had to applaud myself on that one.  Not a normal reaction.  But as I was thinking about it, I was only able to achieve that restraint through the Holy Spirit.  My human nature wanted to handle it completely differently.

Come to Me continually.  I am meant to be the center of your consciousness, the anchor of your soul.  Your mind will wander from me, but the question is how far you allow it to wander.  An anchor on a short rope lets a boat drift only slightly before the taut line tugs the boat back towards the center. Similarly, as you drift away from Me, My Spirit within you gives you a tug, prompting you to return to Me.
Sarah Young Jesus Calling

Restraint is hard,  I am still working on it everyday.  Practice makes perfect. As I seek His presence I am also gaining His peace.  The peace that passes all understanding.  My hope and prayer is that I can show restraint like that of Jesus Christ. 

OBX Baby!

Back from the Outer Banks of North Carolina.  What a fun, relaxing trip.  One fabulous house on Cape Hatteras beach and accompanied by the equally fabulous Kneisley family for the week.  Priceless.  My kids ran up and down the four stories of our beach house, stayed up late, enjoyed evening and early morning dips in the pool and warmed up in the hot tub afterwards.  Rough life?! 

As a mother there are few things better than watching my kids frolic and play and enjoy life.  They had a blast playing with their cousins and having slumber parties at night in a room full of bunk beds.  I just let them go.  I eased up on the rules for the week.  They consumed numerous cans of coke, stayed up late,  they even ate Klondike bars for breakfast one day.  My heart swelled watching them enjoy the vacation so much. Ben and I spent time talking in the hot tub after the kids went to bed and reconnecting. And no we did not reenact hot tub scenes from The Bachelor so get your mind out of the gutter! We enjoyed our night to cook. We all took turns fixing dinner for the family.  Ben and I had fun shopping for and preparing fish tacos together. 

Every night all four girls fell in to bed totally exhausted from the activities of the day. I loved standing there staring at their rosy, sun kissed cheeks and bleach blonde hair as they slept.  I fell asleep myself feeling blessed and thankful and even more certain that one of the most important things in life is family.  Family forever, for always, no matter what.

One of the greatest gifts my parents and Ben's parents have given us and our children is that through the years they have paid for the lodging on family vacations. That has enabled us to go places and make memories that otherwise would have not occurred because we wouldn't have been able to afford to go each year.  I am one lucky chick.  I plan on paying it forward to my girls one day and pay for them to come on vacation with us.  It truly is one of the best things our parents have done for us.  Who am I kidding?...we have four daughters.  By the time we pay for college for all four and for weddings we will probably be broke and living with them anyways.   He he.

We had perfect weather.  Baby blue skies, sunny and breezy.  I was happy as a clam sitting on the beach, toes in the sand watching my girls catch hermit crabs, fly a kite with grandpa, and dig holes and build sand castles.  Anna and Brynn were quite the surfers.  The waves were larger than we have here in Jacksonville.  They would crash over the girls heads and I would sit, literally holding my breath waiting for their heads to pop back up.  Caroline stood on her boogie board barely in the water and grinned from ear to ear when I would whistle and call her Bethany...as in Bethany Hamilton. Aubrey wasn't so enamored with the beach and kept asking if we could go home.  She's my little diva. She much preferred the hot tub!

It was a great week. It was nice to go somewhere that was literally out in the middle of nowhere.  20 minutes to the grocery store, limited cell phone service, a few small shops and a handful of local restaurants.  It forced us to play games, read, and spend quality time together.  We were off the grid if you will and it was totally refreshing.  I didn't return home feeling like I needed a vacation from my vacation.

Before leaving to come home, our entire family gathered and recalled favorite memories and shared experiences from the week.  We prayed together, giving God all the glory,  we asked for travel mercies and rejoiced for being able to enjoy His wondrous creations.

Always look to nature to remember the awesome power of God. All you have to do is go outside and look around you. The beach is my favorite places to realize the awesome power of God.   I love the way the tide, ebbs and flows much like life and family.

My cup runneth over.  Completing this post with much gratitude.

12 Years: An Anniversary Post

12 years.  Wow.

I remember my wedding day like it was yesterday.  We were so young, so starry eyed and so ready to start our life together.  I had a calendar on my wall and I marked off each day for a year until June 24, 2000. I know, old school.  It was before the iPhone....

Our wedding day was so hot and humid you could cut the air with a knife.  Family and friends flooded into to Ashland, Kentucky from all over the United States.  We were thrilled!  Our wedding party was ginormous 9 bridesmaids and 8 groomsmen and four ushers.  My philosophy was I'm only going to do this once and I want to include everyone.  I don't regret it.  It was such a special day. 

Some memories I will never forget from that day:  Getting up at the crack of dawn and asking God to be with me, being at the hairdresser with all my girls when the best man showed up with flowers and the sweetest note ever from Ben, Grammy Raine catching my bouquet, my father in law doing the duck dance, singing "Say My Name" with my baby sister Sarah, lots of tears..tears of joy but tears because life was going to be different, how beautiful I felt in my dress, seeing my mother, my Aunt Mary and my Grammy Jean after putting my dress on and losing all composure, our wedding photographer...he was one of a kind..needless to say he tended to sweat alot, riding in a horse drawn carriage, doing the electric slide, my father crying before he walked me down the aisle, not being able to eat despite all the food choices, tying ribbons on hundreds of bubbles with my dad, our wedding vows, taking communion, slow dancing with my Uncle Steve and Papa Bob and finally all the special people that showed up to support us as we embarked on the journey of marriage.

And people as awesome as marriage is, it is a journey.

Our wedding day was extra special.  I had no idea how important our vows would be over the years to come.  For better or for worse, I vow to cherish your hopes and dreams as my own, I vow to honor and respect you. I vow to keep God at the center of our marriage.  Those vows have gotten us to where we are now.  They have gotten us through 4 moves in 12 years, infertility, adoption, sickness, financially meager times, almost losing a child, tough decisions, harsh words, 4 kids in five years, I could go on but as I look around at my life now I am thankful that we are here.

We have had some fabulous times together and I can honestly say that Ben and I love each other more today than we did when we got married however, it hasn't always been easy.  We have chosen to love and accept unconditionally even when we didn't feel like it or when the other person didn't deserve it.  Love is a choice, happiness is an ability and God is the source of both.

 I pray for my marriage and my husband everyday and I hope Ben does the same. 
So cheers to 12 years.  Here is to 50 more.

Though one may be overpowered two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.   Ecclesiastes 4:12

Home and Away

I love the anticipation of a trip.  I love looking forward to our getaway months before, the challenge of packing exactly the right things.  I adore talking about our adventure with my girls and seeing the excitement in their eyes. 

One of my favorite places to visit is Ashland, Ky. It's where my family lives.  Its familiarity and memories envelop me like a warm blanket on a cold winter night.  That place soothes my soul.  Something comforting about going 'home." I love the landmarks that say "you're home" like the Marathon tower, the Town Center Mall, and Giovanni's Pizza.  We honk all the way up my mom and dad's hill letting them know that blessed chaos has arrived!

We are headed to the beach with my husband's family this week.  Cape Hatteras, North Carolina.  My girls have asked me everyday when we are leaving.  I fondly recall childhood memories of rides to the beach.  The sheer joy I felt as palm trees were suddenly in clear view and we could finally see the ocean in the distance and smell the thick, salty air. 

I wouldn't be truthful if I didn't admit as excited as I get to go away I get equally as excited to return to MY home in Florida.  My batteries are recharged, I feel renewed and ready for routine.  I love walking into  my house and taking in the smell.  I have been away, I don't see dirt or mess I just see my sanctuary, the things I love, the place where I raise my family.  I love waking up the next day and doing our routine in our space. I love that first cup of coffee in my home after a trip.  Fun memories still swirling around in my head, everyone fresh after a good nights sleep in our own beds.  There is also something great about putting clean laundry away in our drawers saying this is where we belong.

I am thankful for time we get to travel in the summer.  I want my kids to always remember, long car rides to Nana and Pop's or meeting Grandma and Grandpa and the entire Kneisley clan at the beach.  These are memories that will shape the views of their childhoods.  Relationships and times spent that will make an impression on who they are.

I don't take our adventures for granted.  I know they are a privilege. I am thankful.  Now excuse me as I pack for our next outing...  Happy summer to you.

Some pics from our summer thus far...