Restraint

I turned thirty six this summer.  Instead of panicking about getting older, I am trying to focus on myself, how I've changed over the years and what I have learned, what I need to improve.  Specifically, how I have changed in regards to becoming more like Christ.  This past year, I have had my feet to the fire so to speak.  I have definitely gone through some struggles that have helped refine me.  Refiner's fire. But through the fire I have learned some incredible lessons.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  James 1:2

As I was pondering some important things I have learned this year I started thinking about restraint.  Restraint of the tongue specifically.  Sometimes people we just don't need to say it. This is a great challenge.  In essence if we can master our tongues then we can master out entire bodies We instruct our bodies through words whether spoken or through thoughts therefore, if we control our words we can control our bodies.

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Three areas this has really impacted me personally is in conversations with others, my marriage and in disciplining my children.

Previously in conversations with others I would always feel the need to defend my point of view or put in my two cents if you will.  Especially, when mothers start talking about their children, what works what doesn't.  We all have that friend who seems to know everything and who can solve all your problems in an instant.  I guess this year I learned to listen and not always contribute.  Also, I am not feeling the need to defend my positions or views so much.  Let's face it what works for me and my family may not work for someone else.  Not feeling the need to always chime in and convert people to my viewpoints is sort of freeing.

Restraint with the hubby.  We have all been there.  Our spouse says something, maybe throws a zinger at us and everything in us wants to respond by throwing a zinger back.  At least I do. Also, if Ben ever criticizes me I  feel the need to respond defensively.  Through God's grace I am working on this.  My sister said something to me that really stuck with me... Does what you say to your spouse bring Him closer to the Lord or farther away?  Ouch.  If it is the latter it doesn't need to be said.  Also, I have learned in my marriage during periods of disagreement, words can be fuel to the fire.  If I can just walk away and say nothing in the heat of the moment I am not throwing an accelerant on the flame escalating it to the next level.  You follow?  Furthermore, another important lesson I have learned from my sis this year is to pray for God to give me the exact words to say to Ben when I feel misunderstood. Restraining my tongue in the moment and spending time in prayer for the perfect, time, place and verbage to address hard conversations have helped my communication with Ben tremendously.

Last but certainly not least, restraint in hard moments with my children.  I consider myself a pretty patient person.  However, I have four children and there are some days I lose it.  You know the times when your eyes turn red, your voice sounds like Satan and you can't help but scream at the top of your lungs.  Yep that's me sometimes.  People say that I don't seem like a yeller and I have to laugh.  Because although that is not my first choice, sometimes I can't help it.  Is it effective?  No. Does it make me feel better...well sometimes...but not really.  My current devotional Jesus Calling has really helped me in those lose my mind moments. I close my eyes and bring Jesus to the forefront of my thoughts.  Stop and pray. How would Jesus have me handle the situation? Christ helps me be loving even though everything in me wants to throttle my children. 

It happened the other night with Caroline.  She was having a temper tantrum of epic proportions. I didn't let her have a slush because she wouldn't hold my hand in the parking lot. I decided she was just too filthy to put to bed without a bath.  Ever try to give an out of control child a bath?  I don't recommend it.  As I was running the bath water she picked up the bath towel and threw it in the tub completely soaking it.  I wanted to spank her on the spot out of anger and yell.  I stopped, brought Jesus in to the forefront of my mind, calmed myself down, was able to address her firmly, but calmly which eventually calmed her down.  Later, I rocked her and talked to her about her bad choices. I had to applaud myself on that one.  Not a normal reaction.  But as I was thinking about it, I was only able to achieve that restraint through the Holy Spirit.  My human nature wanted to handle it completely differently.

Come to Me continually.  I am meant to be the center of your consciousness, the anchor of your soul.  Your mind will wander from me, but the question is how far you allow it to wander.  An anchor on a short rope lets a boat drift only slightly before the taut line tugs the boat back towards the center. Similarly, as you drift away from Me, My Spirit within you gives you a tug, prompting you to return to Me.
Sarah Young Jesus Calling

Restraint is hard,  I am still working on it everyday.  Practice makes perfect. As I seek His presence I am also gaining His peace.  The peace that passes all understanding.  My hope and prayer is that I can show restraint like that of Jesus Christ.