Housewife

Trying to think of some awe inspiring tid bit to write today about being a housewife and stay at home Mama....but I got nothin.  I was going over what I did the past few days nothing fun, or fancy.  Just ordinary day to day stuff.  I did many loads of laundry but not with homemade laundry soap.  I cooked meals, but not with organic ingredients and I cleaned my house with all chemical cleaners, and as far as craftiness goes I helped my kids play play doh...does that count? Oh and I was totally relieved that it is Monday and half of my kiddos went to school this morning.  I'm being totally honest.

I had one person tell me that is why she likes to read about my day to day life.  I don't make her feel inadequate.  And I quote, " I have read many blogs and always thought that lots of them I read made me feel like less than a good parent. Usually the mothers are homeschooling, eating ALL organic, home grown foods and seem too perfect and not real!! But yours have been real." 

Thank you!  I think.

I am real and that's okay.  If you do any of the above kudos to you. I am probably just jealous. Maybe it's just that most days I am just striving to keep my head above water and maintain a loving, patient disposition.  Sometimes I fail but I try...hard.

I hope that throughout my life people say I love with all my heart and my kids feel like I am present and accessible. And that people know the love I have for the Lord.  That's what is important to me.

And maybe one of these days I will get it together enough to be a coupon queen and learn how to sew.  Hey, I am giving one of my children IV antibiotics 3 times a day...does that count for anything?

And while I am at it I feel the need to confess that while my friend was over for coffee the other day I fed my two toddlers multiple packs of fruit snacks and cookies just so they would be quiet and let me visit.

Do you feel better about yourself yet?  Well you should.

Pressing on towards the goal.  Thank you Jesus for my life.  This NON laundry detergent making, NON crafty, NON coupon cutting, NON  homeschooling, NON organic ingredient using Mama truly loves it. 

To leave you with some very blog worthy news concerning Caroline.  When Caroline was in the hospital in critical condition my sister in law Nancy sent an e-mail to Caroline's idol Bethany Hamilton (Soul Surfer).  She wrote to  her about Caroline's story and sent a link to my blog post Bath Time with Bethany Hamilton.  In turn, Bethany sent Caroline an autographed picture that said, "Keep Fighting."  Neat, neat, neat.  Caroline was thrilled and that was such a thoughtful thing to do.  So thank you Aunt Nancy!  I refer to Caroline as Bethany Hamilton much more lately.  They share the same strong spirit.  How fitting that Caroline admires her so.

Blessings Abound

Yeah, I have had my pity party.  I have sulked around for a couple days feeling sorry for myself but I'm over it.  All done,  as Aubrey would say.

Maybe it was the encouraging phone call from my close friend but I decided we needed to go and do something.  Time to get out.  Caroline and I have been sitting around thinking about how sick she is and it's not doing anyone any good.

My sister is in town again.  ( Unfortunately her trip at the beginning of the month was impromptu due to Caroline's illness). She is back this week with her whole family and they are looking for a place to live before they move to Fleming Island in May. 

Yesterday, Anna and Brynn had a basketball game at the YMCA so Daddy took them to their game and Aubs to the Kid Zone childcare at the Y.  Parenting philosophy lately: divide and conquer. We are all needing a bit of a break from Hurricane Aubrey the past few days.  Honestly can't keep up, that little one is exhausting!  You know, in the south, we can say not such nice things and then follow it with "bless her heart" and it is okay.  So Aubrey, bless your heart! Caroline and I decided to go house hunting with Stacy and Jason.  The outing proved to be a great distraction for Caroline.  I tapped into my inner realtor.  I'm going to be one when I grow up.

Today, the kiddos fished with their Uncle Jason in our back yard and had a blast.  We ended the night with YoBe's yogurt and a phone call from my baby sister Sarah telling us some joyous news...she is engaged!  Yay!

 I was struck so hard that in the midst of the storm,  God let's the sun peek out from behind the clouds right when we need it. 

Today I got what I needed.  Some sun.  Figuratively and literally.

I ponder the blessings of family and having cousins all around.  The blessing of an incredibly fun Uncle who doesn't mind touching worms and slimy fish. ( Did I ever mention I'm a diva?)

Sitting on the porch talking with my sister.

 A husband who shares parenting and my burdens.

The palm trees and pond in my back yard and the weather.  Wow the weather. Sunny,  high 60's with a light breeze.  Perfect for my sweet Caroline to get out and breathe some fresh air.


Yes people this is my back yard.  I thank God for it everyday.  Not so bad washing dishes to this view!

Hurricane Aubrey.  Seek shelter.  Bless her heart.

Everyone excited that Aubrey woke up form her nap.  Party time!

 My sis. My niece.

Commence fishing pictures

Kinley Marie.  Hey, you all forgot about me!

Caroline update:  They removed Caroline from the IV antibiotic that was causing her rash and itching.  For the first time in 3 days she slept last night and so did I.  Thank you Lord!  The nurse came this morning to administer her new antibiotic and she tolerated it well.  They have her continuing on 2  IV antibiotics 3 X's a day until the end of Feb.  They will reevaluate then. Hip is still causing her pain.  It concerns me.  Dr's appointments next week on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Having someone to love is family. Having somewhere to go is home. Having both is a blessing.” Unknown

I'm not a fan of prolonged pity parties.  I believe they are necessary.  However, mine only last for a short time.  Too much to be thankful for.  All I needed today was to take the time to look around me.  Blessings abound my friends, blessings abound.

In each of our Houses, there are doors. Doors which, upon our entrance, transform us into better, more beautiful women. Doors to rooms which hold deep pains, pure joys, and truths which will root themselves deep into our souls and change us for good.
Kelle Hampton

Inner Mommy

Really struggling with inspiration today.  My head is muddled I am not really feeling it so much.  But here goes anyways.  I hope I gain some clarity by writing this.  I apologize in advance if this post is a hodge podge.  Truly, it's the way I have been feeling lately.

One thing that has been majorly on my brain this week is how strong mothers are.  We are incredible people.  It seems that no matter what is placed on our plates we rise to the occasion.  Especially when it comes to our children.  Don't mess with our babies...right?! And boy can we multitask. No offense to any of my male readers but men do better with one thing at a time.  Most women can juggle 20 plates in the air and keep one balanced on their foot too all while applying lipstick.  Sorry for the generalization but I'm speaking the truth in love, of course.

Yesterday morning I was packing lunches, fixing breakfast, giving Caroline IV antibiotics, breaking up a squabble between the twins and wiping oatmeal off of the wall, compliments of Aubrey, all at the same time.  I was tired, had not slept the night before but as women we just do it.  You can say kind things to me,  about all I do, how I manage four kids but you all do it too.  You know what I'm talking about.  We just do it, period.  We don't complain (okay maybe occasionally, just a little) but we get the job done.  Especially for the sake of our kiddos.

Houston we have a problem.  We were rockin the antibiotics thing and then suddenly Tuesday night Caroline started to get a horrible rash all over her body.  It itched so badly that she was up half the night.  The doctor yesterday told us to try Benedryl before giving her antibiotics... no cigar.  She did the same thing last night.  So needless to say tired Caroline, tired Mommy.  Ben offered for me to go and sleep in the guest room last night and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't leave my little one in such agony just for the sake of sleep.  I am in this with her.  Baby girl is sick and needs her Mama!  And because there was really nothing I could do to help I did the next best thing... I brought nutella and crackers and Cheez its  in and sat on her bed with her.  We had a picnic together at 2am.  When all else fails eat. It seemed to distract her.  The doctor today gave us a prescription medicine that is suppose to help her rash.  Let's keep our fingers crossed.  She also is having issues with her left hip.  They are not sure whether it is fluid, left over infection or another blood clot.  Her doctor is monitoring it closely to see if it improves.  She has pain and is limping because of it.

A mother's love is fierce. I have been in tears watching Caroline struggle to recover from this illness. They key thing to keep in mind (and I say it over and over to myself everyday) is that she is going to be okay but it's tough watching my previously healthy little girl have to go through these trials. Everything in me wants to scoop her up and save the day. If only...

The God given love and instinct we have to protect and advocate for our kids should not be diminished.  It is no accident. God designed it to be this way.  If I have learned anything the hard way is to listen to what my "inner Mommy" is telling me.  We know our children like no other. 

I'll admit, I am scared.  I am trying my darnedest not to turn into a psycho mom but everything in my being is fighting it right now.  My spirit is fearful and I know this is not of the Lord.   I say I trust but do I really trust if I worry all the time?  I'm working on it.

To leave this post on a positive note, the weather yesterday was beautiful.  So while the older girls were at basketball practice with Daddy, we enjoyed playing on the driveway feeling the warm sun beat down on our faces.  Sometimes, bubbles and buckets are all it takes to make the day better.

Aubrey is sporting her "sympathy PICC line." Super Cute:

Hodge podge of thoughts...pretty much.  I'm sure soon enough I will come out of the fog that surrounds my head.  Bear with me!

Blog

On January 9, 2011 I published my first blog.

A month prior, I was sitting in church listening to a sermon about life and what we do with the lessons we learn through the hard times.  "What do we do with our time in the pit?",  the preacher asked.  I thought about how many years I had spent in the pit of infertility, feeling so alone.  I kept thinking about how I could be an encouragement to others going through the same trials. How do I reach others who need to hear my story?  I had fleeting visions of writing a book but it seemed so far fetched.  I didn't know where to begin.

A couple weeks passed and I prayed and thought about it more.  I couldn't seem to get it off my heart and mind.  I decided a much more attainable goal would be to write a blog.  I hadn't told anyone about my plans in fear they would think I was silly.  I called my sister Sarah one night and told her about how I felt like God had told me to write something but I was scared.  She encouraged me.  "Do it sister," she prompted.  Stepping out on faith is hard.

I sat at the keyboard somewhat paralyzed.  I had so much to say, so much to share about life, revelations, lessons, trials but I didn't know where to begin.  I prayed that God would help me.  I started to type. It all came pouring out.  It felt so natural.

Time to push send.  I was about to publish my private life and feelings on the internet.  I questioned.  God told me to do this, He will protect me right?  Will people think I'm stupid?  What if I misspell words and use incorrect grammar?  Why would someone want to read about my life?  I pushed send and there it was.  My first blog post out there for the world to see.  I felt somewhat exposed.

I was shocked.  People read it and thanked me for writing it.  Motherhood seemed to be a great topic.  It's a roller coaster ride.  People could relate to things happening in my home.  God knew this would be the case. I did not.  I took Caroline to school one day and had 5 people stop and comment on my honesty in the blog Parenting Fail (August 2011).  I was still in awe that God could use me in this way.

Also, I enjoy that fact that I am journaling about our lives, deliberately.  I want my girls to have a record of our family happenings to keep for years. If I'm being honest it is therapy for me. One of my favorite times of day is sitting down after the girls are asleep with a cup of hot tea, in a quiet house, thinking about my day and writing about it. Oh who am I fooling?  Sometimes, I write during the day while my kids are awake.  I neglect dishes and laundry and child rearing and let the little ones destroy every inch of my house. Nevertheless, writing has allowed me to process my feelings and thoughts about the life God has given me.  I vow to always be transparent and not only write about the good days.  That's not reality.

After publishing a few more posts I decided to write the one post I had started this blog to write.  The post about infertility and adoption.  I wanted to share my story so that others who were going through it could feel the hope.  It was so personal.  I re read the post 25 times before publishing and called both my sisters after I hit send. 

I was overwhelmed at the response. God was using my experience to help others. I obeyed and He used me. The devil tried to fill my mind with doubt and  many times I had to bring my thoughts into submission.

Almost a year to the day  from posting my first blog, (Jan 6, 2012) my daughter Caroline was admitted to PICU and was fighting for her life with a massive infection.  I now know that God had other purposes for my blog as well.  I had people tell me that though they had never met me they felt personally connected to me and my family because of The Kneisley Nest Blog.  They said they would pray for my sweet Caroline and they did.    It is amazing to see how God weaves and winds things to be perfect for His purposes and in His time  He protects us always in ways we can never fathom.

God's purposes are perfect in our life.  Be willing to step out and listen to Him.  What is He telling you to do? Are you listening?  Thanks for reading my blog.  Seriously.  It's much more fun experiencing motherhood with others.  You all brighten my days with your sweet comments and shared stories.  I am humbled.

"Teach me to do what you want, because you are my God.  Let your spirit lead me on level ground." Psalm 143:10

And for the sake of journaling, My littlest muffin put her own shoes on today.  I bent down to do it  and she took the shoe right out of my hand and slipped it on the wrong foot.  I didn't change it.  She was so proud. We sat there squealing and clapping.  Her smile spoke volumes without any words.  Looking forward to Aubrey's second birthday coming up in a couple weeks.  Little Mama is growing up quickly.  Stop it. Seriously, stop it.  I am already tearing up thinking of the 2nd birthday post I want to write her. 

Boo boo compliments of a nose plant on the driveway.  Tough Little Mama:

Caroline update: No new news is good news I guess.  We are rockin this nurse/ patient thing.  We have three doctors appointments over the next two days so I will probably know more after that.  Thanks for caring.

Go Russell Baseball.  We are true fans in this house.  Our Pop is the coach:

Nugget for the day.  God takes care of us people.  Truly.  Don't ever doubt it.

Moments

I am sitting here with Caroline in a relatively quiet house.  Ben took our other three girls to church this morning.  Caroline is not permitted to attend any activities that involve large groups.  Caroline and I held our own church service.

We talked about how much God loves us and how He is always with us especially when we are scared and we can call on His name.  We have sung Jesus Loves Me 10 times and our ABC's.  Don't really know how that one fits into a church service but whatever.  I'm sure it pleases the Lord that we are learning our letters.

In the past when the kids were sharing "moments" I thought to myself, great they are occupied and I used that time to get stuff done. I think differently now.

This week I have been much more aware of the "moments" that happen in our home.  Moments that occur on a daily basis that two weeks ago I totally took for granted.  Some moments that come to mind are Aubrey and Caroline playing under my sink, all four girls playing restaurant together, fits of laughter and silliness coming from the bedroom, the twins helping Caroline eat her dinner and tender times playing baby dolls with Daddy.  I couldn't resist getting involved in some of those moments. The girls and I enjoyed a hilarious game of hide and go seek.  My heart was happy seeing the smiles on their faces and hearing the giggles.  Caroline was counting and Brynn, Aubrey and I were hiding in the closet in the dark.  Aubrey was jabbering away and Brynn says, "Aubrey, this is hide and go seek, not hide and go speak!"  We both died laughing and of course Caroline found us.  Priceless.

 
Multiple times a day one of  my girls will come sit with me for some snuggle time.  This week I have treasured that time.  I have slowed down and taken the time to ask them how their day is going and give lots of hugs and kisses.  I am forever changed realizing that the moments we have together are a gift.

I spent last evening celebrating one of my best friends birthdays.  I wasn't going to go but my hubby encouraged me to get out and spend some time with my most favorite people.  Ben stayed home with the kiddos and played nurse.  I am so glad I went.  That time proved to be extremely therapeutic.  So, I'm taking in the moments.

Caroline is still a little traumatized.  Her happy go lucky, sunny personality comes in waves lately.  I live for the moments  in which I see her cut loose and be a kid again.  I will do anything to get that girl to smile.  You should have seen the dance I was doing trying to make her laugh.  No dice.  Honestly, her sisters seem to be the best at cheering her up. 

Last week some church friends gave me a book that I haven fallen in love with.  I have read it everyday.  It is called God's Promises for Everyday. (FYI if you are interested I saw it at Wal Mart )  It gives scripture references for anything you might be going through or feeling.  I highly recommend it!  The following verse came from the chapter Counting Your Blessings:

Every good action and every perfect gift is from God. These good gifts come down from the Creator of the sun, moon, and stars, who do not change like their shifting shadows. God decided to give us life through the word of truth so we might be the most important of all the things He made.
James 1:17-18

Speaking of blessings...while Caroline was in the hospital someone delivered a large jar of Nutella hazelnut spread to my house.  Every time I walk by the pantry I stick my finger in it.  Now I know this was probably intended for my kids enjoyment but whoever you are you have blessed my soul...and stomach.  It's the small things, ya know.

If I have ever counted my blessings I am counting them now!

Life Goes On

Home again, home again.

I thought I was busy and played alot of roles before but wow, now add nurse to my title.   I don't mind a bit.  Going through the traumatic experience of almost losing Caroline has really put my life into perspective.  Reading through my past blogs I even felt silly and stupid for complaining about hard days, failed cake pops and kids wetting the bed.  I know I am human and that will come again I'm sure but now it seems so unimportant and trivial. 

During the worst of our time, I looked at pictures of my four girls and I simply could not fathom one of them not being here. God put my family together in such an unconventional way and I love it. It is perfect in every way. I am thankful. I never want it to change.

I have always preached that family is the most important thing and watch out I will totally be on my soap box now.    My family showed up in my time of need.  Let me say when I say family, I include those friends that technically aren't my family but they are.  I called my Mama at 4 o'clock in the morning as Caroline was being admitted to the PICU.  For all of you who don't know she lives in Kentucky and I live in Florida.  She was on a plane at 7am and hugging my neck by 11:30.  My sisters came,  my Dad and Ben's parents and my Aunt and Uncle.  Make your family a priority!  Our friends also showed up in droves, college roommates, church friends and to be honest people I had never even met before came to lend us a hand, give us a hug and pray for our baby.  I have no words.  okay maybe a few words....  thank you, thank you, thank you.

I have heard for years about the body of Christ coming together.  I guess I didn't really know what that meant first hand.  Brothers and sisters in Christ I now know what it means when we come together.  I have been on the receiving end.  You all were and continue to be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ willing to meet our every need.  I have always had a hard time accepting help but this gave me great practice and we needed it.  We had lunches, dinners, childcare, volunteers shuttling people to and from the airport, gift cards, presents for our nurses, toys and movies for our kiddos at home, monetary gifts but most of all prayers.  I cannot thank you enough for your love, support and PRAYERS.  You prayed for our sweet Caroline and God heard our cries for mercy.  Truly, when I look at her situation and how far she came in 12 days there is no other explanation other than the Great Physician healed our precious girl. I love that the only place to point is up, up to God in Heaven.  Caroline is a miracle for the second time and I know God has great plans for her.  I am privileged and humbled to be her mama.

All my reinforcements a.k.a family left today.  It was bitter sweet.  I was nervous at the prospect of getting back into the daily grind along with my new duty of nurse to a fragile patient.  I have to administer IV antibiotics 3 times a day and give her two subcutaneous shots. I would be lying if I said it was easy to give my girl shots.  It's not. She cries and looks at me like not you too Mama. But she is alive and this medicine is making her better.  I had a plan today about orchestrating medication administration, incorporating nap times and school pick up for the older girls and it worked,  So thank you God!

When she was in the hospital, the first day I felt confident enough to leave Caroline's bedside I drove the thirty minutes from the hospital downtown to my house in Fleming Island and it felt so bizarre. I felt like someone who had been in combat might feel. My surroundings were the same yet everything seemed different. I will never be the same.

I had to chuckle that life still goes on. Nobody around here has been cutting me any slack.  My girls still fight, don't get their shoes on when told, take ten years to eat their breakfast and 2 years olds still need an enormous amount of attention.... but you know this is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.  Ben and I were laughing today and trying to remember if our house has always been this chaotic or we just forgot.  I think we forgot.

On a side note, Ben and I took Caroline on her first outing to Walmart.  She was sporting one fabulous mask (to shield her from germs) that she wasn't thrilled about wearing,  but at least she got to get out.  I ended up at the checkout with a basket full of goodies I wasn't planning on purchasing.  Matching shirts one for her and one for Aubrey, a doll, some bubbles. I thought to myself...what am I doing?  I can't buy her everything she wants.  Ohh but I want too.  I would buy that sweet girl about anything she wants right now;)

I have learned we aren't always promised another day.  Make it count.


A few weeks before Caroline's illness I had pondered the story of Abraham and Isaac.  I came to the conclusion that if God asked me to sacrifice one of my children I honestly don't know if I could be obedient.  Thoughts of Abraham's story were with me the entire time in the hospital.  I kept thinking If God takes Caroline it will be for a bigger purpose. I couldn't make this stuff up and I absolutely  have to share.  I have chills thinking about it.  Today the girls and I were on YouTube looking for good songs for our dance party and we randomly clicked on the following video having absolutely no idea what it was.  God is in control.  I need not say anything more....
http://youtu.be/wJKeQyEz7Hk

He Gives and Takes Away

I have thought about what I would write in this post.  I was afraid I wouldn't do it justice, but here goes.  I guess I didn't think I would start 2012 by almost losing my daughter.  It truly is every mother's worst nightmare.  An illness with flu symptoms started, I took her to the ER a few days later and by Sunday she had stopped breathing and had to be put on a ventilator.  They called it Sepsis caused by an infection they never found.

I guess I could go on and on about the horrific details but I won't.  I am trying not to dwell on them even though I replay them in my head constantly.  What I was thinking, what I could have done differently.  But why?

I re- read my blog and I was haunted by some of the things I had written that somewhat foreshadowed this event.  Like when I wrote I am in awe of my life right now but if things change next year may I still say thank you Lord, thank you.  In another post about things I want to teach my daughters I wrote I hope we are together for a long time and I can watch your life unfold, but if God has different plans I want you to know these things.  So many times, I wrote about how time is passing quickly and time is of the essence.  Truly, I had no idea.

I had written that I believe God's plan is perfect and that I want my life to point to Him no matter what.  I really wondered if I could live up to everything I professed I believed if He chose to call my sweet Caroline home.  I would love to tell you that I never lost hope but it simply isn't true.  I prayed my heart out but for a few days things looked very grim and doctors were not very hopeful.

Late one night by Caroline's bedside I sat and watched her on the ventilator.  I replayed in my head all the happy times we spent together and how much joy she has brought to my life.  For a second I felt something come over me.  I know it was my spirit talking because my flesh simply could not.  My flesh felt sad and angry.  I told God that if He was going to call Caroline to Heaven I was so very thankful to have been her mother for three years. What a blessing.  I felt like Abraham and Isaac.  Maybe that was the turning point.  Maybe God wanted to see if I was willing.  Let me tell you, through it all my head had the knowledge, everything I had known and believed for years but my heart was having a hard time getting on board. I knew in my soul God gave her to me and He could take her away.  She belonged to Him, who loved her first.

As the storm raged I was struck by the way the Lord had prepared me to endure, to press on.  Last year was a year of great spiritual growth for me.  The profound lessons I learned were the very lessons that I needed to be able to endure this trial.  I was in awe of the family and friends God put in our midst to lift our heads when we simply could not and for the prayer warriors who prayed without ceasing.

I ask myself would I be saying these things if it had turned out differently and my answer is yes.  If Caroline had died Christ would still be here and be the same.  He is steadfast and unchanging. His plans are perfect.

I'll be honest I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy but I pray someday I will see why this happened.  To God be the glory.

God is good all the time.  All the time God is good.  Savior He can move the mountains.  He is mighty to save.  He is mighty to save.

Hoarders

Anyone who knows my family knows that Ben is a total neat freak.  We joke around that he has OCD but it's really not a joke he kinda does.  He does things like align the bottles under the sink, reorganize the pantry for sport and he sprays everything with antibacterial spray. He cleans the inside of our van when there's not a speck of dirt on it.

Anna recently told my friend that she should have her Dad (Ben) clean her car for her.  I had to laugh.

Do you all remember the scene in the 80's movie Sleeping With the Enemy when Julia Roberts realizes her ex husband has been in her house because she opens the cabinets and all the cans are lined up perfectly.  Well in a nut shell that is Ben.  Not the enemy part just the organization part.

Ben tries to maintain order in our chaotic world.  I stress the word tries.

I am not near as neat or rigid as my hubby but to listen to him talk about me you would think I should be profiled on an episode of hoarders.  Yes, I have a few junk drawers.  And honestly sometimes I get plain 'ole tired or picking up every ones crap.  Some days he will sigh and say look at this dump...referring to our home and I honestly look around and think is he seeing what I see? 

One thing I do for Ben is try and have everything neat and tidy when he gets home from work. It makes him happy.  This is not a small feat.  Especially on the days I just let everything go.

So all you ladies out there who complain your husbands are total slobs and never pick up there is another side.

I do have to offer a disclaimer.  Ben does help.  When he cleans my kitchen it looks phenomenal.  It shines like no other time. He believes that tile floors do not get clean unless they are mopped on hands and knees... Insert boundary...I DO NOT do floors on my hands and knees, my little steam mop works just fine. So, Ben started doing my floors (on his hands and knees) for me a few times a month. The man could totally become a housekeeper in a pinch.  He would do a fabulous job. I would give him an outstanding reference.

One day last month I decided to try my hand at photojournalism just so I could prove to myself how my four little ones destroy my house all day long and how hard it is to keep it as clean as Benji would wish.

 

The messes are constant. And I'll be honest some days I just say forget it and we leave it all day until about 30 minutes before Daddy arrives home. Then we have the power half hour cleaning session. He always tells me how great the house looks and I snicker thinking of the state it was in 30 minutes prior.

 I have come to one conclusion....as much I hate clutter and messes most days neatness is not happening and I would kill myself trying. Lawd have mercy!  It is not the legacy I want to leave my kids.  I would much rather them remember me spending quality time with them rather than cleaning so we can eat off of the kitchen floor.  Hey, we all have our strengths in life.  Cleaning is not mine.  Ben should be glad I know how to do it at all-- I grew up with a housekeeper and a Nanny! 

Cute little mess makers aren't they?

So we have come to a happy medium in the Kneisley household and it seems to be working. 

I just nod and smirk when Ben gets on his order/organization soap box.  Hmmm do you think God may use four beautiful little girls to teach their parents some lessons?  You betcha!

Kudos to Benji.  He no longer hyperventilates when he see the girls doing crafts or cutting up paper.  Baby steps.

Many days I feel like I am treading water.  Can I get a holla out there? And finally, I am not a hoarder.

Deliberate Life

I love New Year's Eve.  We never do anything especially exciting.  Actually, I am pretty neurotic because I think if we go out we may be hit by a drunk driver.  However, I love being surrounded by family and friends at my house.  My most important blessings on display right in front of my eyes.

In the morning we visited the Jacksonville Zoo for the Noon Year's Eve party.  Cousins in town and the weather was absolutely perfect.  Breezy and sunny.  Love feeling the warm sun on my face.

Last night we had dinner on the driveway.  Made some cocktails and mocktails for the kids and sat out on the back patio enjoying the fireworks and music.  Did I mention I love Florida this time of  year.

Anna and Brynn and their cousins ran around the pond in the back of our home looking for frogs with flashlights.  In the end only one of my four made it till midnight.  And the winner is.... Anna.

I got to kiss my soul mate at midnight.  Life is good.

The anticipation of a new year, a clean slate, a fresh start excites me.  I ponder the things I will do differently, the things I want to accomplish in 2012. I consider the reality of how fast my girls are growing up.  I want to make our time together count..  Time is of the essence.

Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a NEW THING, now it shall spring forth..." - Isaiah 43:18-19

I want to live a deliberate life.

I will work on my fears and insecurities, my tendency to worry about things I can't control...things that hold me back. I want my life to radiate love.  How can I show others how much I care about them on a daily basis.  I've said it before but in 2012 I'm getting over myself!

I didn't make a list of resolutions this year because let's face it, in that past the really wasn't workin for me... Ha!  I know the things I need to change and embrace.

I have a few too many junk drawers in my house that I need to organize...My sister already sent me a weight loss challenge...you know all the regular stuff.  This weight lose challenge involves money...maybe I'll do it  for some green  but honestly I can't promise...it's not my forte. The pools in Florida open in 2 months. Bathing suit time ;(

But mostly I want my life in 2012 to point to Jesus in every way. May I and grow and learn.

That is my prayer.

Jan 1st I always get the itch to purge and organize everything in my house.  It's about the only time except during pregnancy...and if I have anything to do with it we won't be welcoming a baby in 2012;)  Lord willing.  Amazingly happy and content with my four little cuties.

My neat freak husband is in bliss relishing in my organizing marathon.  So at least I will start the race with a clean house and neat and tidy drawers...remember it is not how you start it's how you finish.

Happy running.