Home again, home again.
I thought I was busy and played alot of roles before but wow, now add nurse to my title. I don't mind a bit. Going through the traumatic experience of almost losing Caroline has really put my life into perspective. Reading through my past blogs I even felt silly and stupid for complaining about hard days, failed cake pops and kids wetting the bed. I know I am human and that will come again I'm sure but now it seems so unimportant and trivial.
During the worst of our time, I looked at pictures of my four girls and I simply could not fathom one of them not being here. God put my family together in such an unconventional way and I love it. It is perfect in every way. I am thankful. I never want it to change.
I have always preached that family is the most important thing and watch out I will totally be on my soap box now. My family showed up in my time of need. Let me say when I say family, I include those friends that technically aren't my family but they are. I called my Mama at 4 o'clock in the morning as Caroline was being admitted to the PICU. For all of you who don't know she lives in Kentucky and I live in Florida. She was on a plane at 7am and hugging my neck by 11:30. My sisters came, my Dad and Ben's parents and my Aunt and Uncle. Make your family a priority! Our friends also showed up in droves, college roommates, church friends and to be honest people I had never even met before came to lend us a hand, give us a hug and pray for our baby. I have no words. okay maybe a few words.... thank you, thank you, thank you.
I have heard for years about the body of Christ coming together. I guess I didn't really know what that meant first hand. Brothers and sisters in Christ I now know what it means when we come together. I have been on the receiving end. You all were and continue to be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ willing to meet our every need. I have always had a hard time accepting help but this gave me great practice and we needed it. We had lunches, dinners, childcare, volunteers shuttling people to and from the airport, gift cards, presents for our nurses, toys and movies for our kiddos at home, monetary gifts but most of all prayers. I cannot thank you enough for your love, support and PRAYERS. You prayed for our sweet Caroline and God heard our cries for mercy. Truly, when I look at her situation and how far she came in 12 days there is no other explanation other than the Great Physician healed our precious girl. I love that the only place to point is up, up to God in Heaven. Caroline is a miracle for the second time and I know God has great plans for her. I am privileged and humbled to be her mama.
All my reinforcements a.k.a family left today. It was bitter sweet. I was nervous at the prospect of getting back into the daily grind along with my new duty of nurse to a fragile patient. I have to administer IV antibiotics 3 times a day and give her two subcutaneous shots. I would be lying if I said it was easy to give my girl shots. It's not. She cries and looks at me like not you too Mama. But she is alive and this medicine is making her better. I had a plan today about orchestrating medication administration, incorporating nap times and school pick up for the older girls and it worked, So thank you God!
When she was in the hospital, the first day I felt confident enough to leave Caroline's bedside I drove the thirty minutes from the hospital downtown to my house in Fleming Island and it felt so bizarre. I felt like someone who had been in combat might feel. My surroundings were the same yet everything seemed different. I will never be the same.
I had to chuckle that life still goes on. Nobody around here has been cutting me any slack. My girls still fight, don't get their shoes on when told, take ten years to eat their breakfast and 2 years olds still need an enormous amount of attention.... but you know this is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Ben and I were laughing today and trying to remember if our house has always been this chaotic or we just forgot. I think we forgot.
On a side note, Ben and I took Caroline on her first outing to Walmart. She was sporting one fabulous mask (to shield her from germs) that she wasn't thrilled about wearing, but at least she got to get out. I ended up at the checkout with a basket full of goodies I wasn't planning on purchasing. Matching shirts one for her and one for Aubrey, a doll, some bubbles. I thought to myself...what am I doing? I can't buy her everything she wants. Ohh but I want too. I would buy that sweet girl about anything she wants right now;)
I have learned we aren't always promised another day. Make it count.
A few weeks before Caroline's illness I had pondered the story of Abraham and Isaac. I came to the conclusion that if God asked me to sacrifice one of my children I honestly don't know if I could be obedient. Thoughts of Abraham's story were with me the entire time in the hospital. I kept thinking If God takes Caroline it will be for a bigger purpose. I couldn't make this stuff up and I absolutely have to share. I have chills thinking about it. Today the girls and I were on YouTube looking for good songs for our dance party and we randomly clicked on the following video having absolutely no idea what it was. God is in control. I need not say anything more....
http://youtu.be/wJKeQyEz7Hk
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