Inner Mommy

Really struggling with inspiration today.  My head is muddled I am not really feeling it so much.  But here goes anyways.  I hope I gain some clarity by writing this.  I apologize in advance if this post is a hodge podge.  Truly, it's the way I have been feeling lately.

One thing that has been majorly on my brain this week is how strong mothers are.  We are incredible people.  It seems that no matter what is placed on our plates we rise to the occasion.  Especially when it comes to our children.  Don't mess with our babies...right?! And boy can we multitask. No offense to any of my male readers but men do better with one thing at a time.  Most women can juggle 20 plates in the air and keep one balanced on their foot too all while applying lipstick.  Sorry for the generalization but I'm speaking the truth in love, of course.

Yesterday morning I was packing lunches, fixing breakfast, giving Caroline IV antibiotics, breaking up a squabble between the twins and wiping oatmeal off of the wall, compliments of Aubrey, all at the same time.  I was tired, had not slept the night before but as women we just do it.  You can say kind things to me,  about all I do, how I manage four kids but you all do it too.  You know what I'm talking about.  We just do it, period.  We don't complain (okay maybe occasionally, just a little) but we get the job done.  Especially for the sake of our kiddos.

Houston we have a problem.  We were rockin the antibiotics thing and then suddenly Tuesday night Caroline started to get a horrible rash all over her body.  It itched so badly that she was up half the night.  The doctor yesterday told us to try Benedryl before giving her antibiotics... no cigar.  She did the same thing last night.  So needless to say tired Caroline, tired Mommy.  Ben offered for me to go and sleep in the guest room last night and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't leave my little one in such agony just for the sake of sleep.  I am in this with her.  Baby girl is sick and needs her Mama!  And because there was really nothing I could do to help I did the next best thing... I brought nutella and crackers and Cheez its  in and sat on her bed with her.  We had a picnic together at 2am.  When all else fails eat. It seemed to distract her.  The doctor today gave us a prescription medicine that is suppose to help her rash.  Let's keep our fingers crossed.  She also is having issues with her left hip.  They are not sure whether it is fluid, left over infection or another blood clot.  Her doctor is monitoring it closely to see if it improves.  She has pain and is limping because of it.

A mother's love is fierce. I have been in tears watching Caroline struggle to recover from this illness. They key thing to keep in mind (and I say it over and over to myself everyday) is that she is going to be okay but it's tough watching my previously healthy little girl have to go through these trials. Everything in me wants to scoop her up and save the day. If only...

The God given love and instinct we have to protect and advocate for our kids should not be diminished.  It is no accident. God designed it to be this way.  If I have learned anything the hard way is to listen to what my "inner Mommy" is telling me.  We know our children like no other. 

I'll admit, I am scared.  I am trying my darnedest not to turn into a psycho mom but everything in my being is fighting it right now.  My spirit is fearful and I know this is not of the Lord.   I say I trust but do I really trust if I worry all the time?  I'm working on it.

To leave this post on a positive note, the weather yesterday was beautiful.  So while the older girls were at basketball practice with Daddy, we enjoyed playing on the driveway feeling the warm sun beat down on our faces.  Sometimes, bubbles and buckets are all it takes to make the day better.

Aubrey is sporting her "sympathy PICC line." Super Cute:

Hodge podge of thoughts...pretty much.  I'm sure soon enough I will come out of the fog that surrounds my head.  Bear with me!