War.

I have a war going on in my head.  I am a foodie.  There.  I said it.  I think about food from the minute I wake up until I go to bed at night.  When I am out running errands I have to talk to myself to keep my mini van from pulling into McDonalds for a sweet tea and large french fry.  If I can spend my money on anything It will always be dinner at a nice restaurant.

You see I had two babies in two years.  I have some weight to lose.  So thanks to my wonderful girlfriends encouragement, I joined the YMCA.  For the first time in my life I work out regularly and it feels great.  However, exercise for me seems to be a license to eat.  I know, I know, why in the world would I spend all those hours at the gym and then devour a Big Mac on the way home?  I don't know.  But I do it.  Am I alone here?  Anyone else with me on this?  Can I get an Amen?

Since, it is fall already, I guess my "end of the year resolution" is to exercise and eat well.  Wow.  There's a concept.  Eat well.  It seems like a no brainer.  But it is hard!  Maybe then I won't undo all the hours I put into running, bodypump, zumba and bootcamp.

But now will you please excuse me so that I can hide in my closet so I don't have to share my chocolate snack with my little ones.  Oh yeah.  You had better believe I hide when I eat.  Especially when I eat chocolate.  You see I have four kids.  Who wants to share four bites of something that delicious?  Don't judge.  I did Zumba today:)

                      My sister Stacy's homemade toffee.  Oh, how I love to eat it.

Parenting fail.

Wow. What a week.  School and activities starting up again.  Papers to fill out.  Supplies to purchase.  Amid all of the hustle and bustle, I feel like I have failed as a parent this week.

The responsibility I feel to help my four daughters turn into God-fearing, responsible, kind and polite human beings overwhelms me at times.  I feel like all day my lips are flapping away with reminders to pick up the wet towel off the floor, sit down in your seat when eating, don't hit your sister, watch your tone of voice,  treat others kindly.  I guess I figured by this time with my older ones,  my rules and expectations would start to be ingrained in their  heads.  Nope.  Not so.  They still have to be reminded of many things and it's wearing me out.  My Mama always says that if kids were born acting like 25 year olds they wouldn't need parents.  So today I am hanging on to that.....

Yesterday, I woke up to Lucky Charms and milk all over my clean kitchen floor because "somebody" had decided to walk around while eating cereal.  Really?!  Throw me a bone here.  My other "somebody" lied to me about hanging up her towel and putting her clothes in the hamper.  They were found stuffed under the bathroom sink. I overheard my two year old screaming that she hates her sister.  Hates..did she just say hates? Who says that?  Where did she hear that?   Fail.

I'll be honest,  I guess because my main job is COO of Kneisley Inc. right now and all I do is pour everything I have into these 4 tiny humans,  that when they make poor choices,  I feel it.  I really feel it.

I guess I know deep down one day it will click and they will get it...I hope and you'd better bet I pray.

I lost it on them yesterday before church and I was horrified at my behavior. Did I really give myself permission to act in such a way to my kids?  What kind of example is that?  No I didn't beat them and hang them from the ceiling by their toes...but I felt like it!

This is a new week.  So for all of you mothers out there pressing away at the daily grind I'm thinking of you today.  It's not easy and it certainly isn't easy to do it RIGHT!

So, I will be asking forgiveness for losing it yesterday. (They really did look at me like I was insane)  Mom's need to say sorry when we act inappropriately too.
And as we say in our family...God grant me the patience to endure our blessings....all four of them;)