Gotcha Day

I'm running on the treadmill this morning and a text pops up on my phone.  It is Ben.  His text reads, "Gotcha Day blog?  It's a really big day... 9 years have flown by."

He got his wish. Here is the blog.

It's Anna's and Brynn's gotcha day.  And for those of you who aren't fluent in adoption speak that is the day they were legally declared our kids. It is the anniversary of the day in which a new family member joins the family in the adoption process.

2006
 Ben and I sat in a Russian hotel room rehearsing what we were going to say in court to the judge.  We were given instructions like, "only let the man speak, don't cross your legs, its a sign of disrespect and only speak when spoken to."  I was terrified.  Thoughts flooded my mind. What if I do something wrong?  What if the judge doesn't award us custody.  We had waited and prayed and traveled far. The what ifs got the best of me.  Looking back on that day, I see that God had gone before us.  He had planned and orchestrated and that was the only way I was sitting in a courtroom in Siberia, a million miles from home, waiting to be given my children, the girls who would make me a mother for the first time. Something I didn't understand then, that I do now, is that God started my motherhood journey in the heart of their birth mother.  She chose life for them, despite hardships and poverty and singleness.  It would have been easier to end her pregnancy.  Now that I have carried children of my own, I am not lost on how brave that decision was.  I have no doubt that God stirred her heart for my benefit.  I will never be able to thank her enough for the immense gift she gave me in Anna and Brynn.

Ben is correct, nine years have flown by. They were two years old when we landed in the United States.  They had never been in a home with lamps and phones and a refrigerator with an automatic water and ice dispenser.  They made it their business to check all that stuff out, immediately. They were not interested in eating anything with texture. We spent countless hours getting them to taste food.  I thought at times I could not keep up.  Their lively personalities, energetic spirits and curiosity kept Ben and me on our toes.  Fast forward  to today.  They are soccer stars, loved by many and they have made the most important decision of their lives by giving their hearts to the Lord. They are total slobs and God has used them to teach me self control when I walk into their room everyday. They are witty, sweet, kind and helpful. They have hearts of gold.  They are opinionated and strong and they are mine.   I see God's hand in it all and I can't wait to stand back and watch how God uses my precious girls.  Anna and Brynn had a less than perfect beginning.   They were throw aways in a a society where orphans have a stigma, with little hope.  God plucked them straight out of the darkness and gave them new life, literally and figuratively.
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

We (I'm preaching to myself) so often put God in a box, we are unable to fathom the plans He has for us and the works of His hand.  We doubt His timing and His sovereignty .  We make ourselves unavailable because we are scared to be uncomfortable.  I pray my story gives hope and challenges you to trust and be used.   God's ways are better than our ways. We don't know the end of the story.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither your ways my ways ," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8

Today, I'm looking through pictures of our 2 journeys to Russia and back.  I'm remembering the laughter, the tears, the hard times, the doubts, the food, the airplane rides and the moment of being ushered out of the orphanage with two toddlers, I had only met once before.  The love I felt for them immediately was supernatural.  It has been messy and challenging and fun and I wouldn't trade the experience for the world.  I am thankful for what God has taught us through the years through our precious daughters.
September 4, 2006 was a divine appointment and God was with us every step of the way.

Three Years Ago Today....

Three years has passed since my three year old daughter, Caroline, was admitted to the pediatric intensive care unit. She was placed on a ventilator and told she may not live.  I am not the same person as I was then.  I don't view life the same, I don't do marriage and parenting the same and I don't serve Jesus Christ the same.

I was a believer. I was kind. But I was passively seeking Jesus. That single trial in my life rocked me to the core.   It changed who I am through and through. I am thankful for walking in the fiery furnace.  I will never be the same.  I know, that Jesus changed me, so that I can impact others.   We aren't guaranteed time.

Interestingly enough, (Ok, God, I hear you.) My devotion this morning was the difference between speaking and doing. John Piper says, "But let us never treat mouth-deed or the hand-deed with neglect, or preference. Many fail as lovers of Christ by thinking they can replace words with deeds. and many fail, thinking words are enough. Rather, let us think both! Both word and work! Mouth-work and hand-work. Both!"

He also states, "When the tongue and it's sounds (words) are "in truth" they become acts of love.  The line of lovelessness is not drawn between speaking and doing, but between speaking and doing in the truth and speaking and doing in emptiness.  Truth turns word-love into deed-love. Bam! Profound isn't it.

That was me, three years ago.

Whatever you do, in word and deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus. Colossians 3:17

Boy, did I see people live out this verse when my baby was dying.  Jesus showed me tangibly.

After the whole ordeal, I remember talking to one of my friends on the phone, we were reliving the gut wrenching events of the past two weeks.  She said, "You have a story to tell. A testimony.  You need to tell it."  I do get to share my story often.  But hopefully, my life, after this incident, tells about the love and glory of our Heavenly father.

Last night, I sat and read every post from Caroline's Caring Bridge website.  Hot tears flowing down my cheeks.  I reread every update, every piece of bad news we received and every praise.  I looked at all the comments from people near and far, the prayers and encouragement. I hung onto every word in every Bible verse that my sister, Stacy typed.  I believe them to be divinely inspired.

Dare, I say, my daughter almost dying was the best thing to ever happen to me.  It was.

I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me to bring the Gentiles to obedience- by word and deed.  Romans 15:18

I chuckled last night when I read Caroline was kicking a soccer ball for physical therapy to regain strength after being on a ventilator.  She is now tearing up the soccer field, her mouth runs 100  miles a minute and she loves to tell you all about her "fashion."  She is a vibrant, healthy and delightful 6 year old.  She adores her cousins and is tearing up kindergarten.

Thank you for caring.  Thank you for praying. It's hard for me to imagine life without her in it.

I am thankful God spared her life.  I am thankful for the trial.  I am thankful for what I have learned. I am thankful for more time on this earth to proclaim the name of Jesus Christ.
 
Are you better after your trial or bitter?  What does the God want you to understand?