Adoption. Mama How Do You Spell Russia?

Lately, I have been on an adoption kick. I have been looking at old pictures, watching videos, and remembering the painstaking infertility and adoption process. I am far removed from those times in my life but it is never far from my memory.  Maybe it's a God thing but it is totally on my heart.

Brynn thanked Jesus in her prayer the other night that her Daddy and I adopted her because she might never have been adopted.  Insert lump in throat.  I wept.. Seriously.  It made me think about her first few years of life.  I wondered what she remembered about the orphanage, if anything, I wondered what loss she felt.  Maybe nothing, but maybe something that may impact her in the future.

The difference is we are her family and we will be here with her every step of the way.  Answering questions to the best of our abilities, crying, rejoicing,  telling her stories about the first time we met her. But honestly, I have no newborn pictures of my twins. I hate that.  What will Anna and Brynn feel about this when they are old enough to understand? What will they feel about the fact that I know very little about their birth mom and that what I do know may not even be true. Does it matter?  Will it matter?

People say it shouldn't matter but it probably will someday and I need to be prepared.  I think often times people assume that since Anna and Brynn now have a family they shouldn't think about the past.  But they need to feel how they feel and I need to support them.

We still deal with some repercussion of them living in an orphanage early in life, during some important developmental times and that's okay.  The good out ways the bad by 100 percent.  My life is full because of the two precious girls God brought into the world, thousands of miles away knowing that Ben I would parent them, that I would be their mother.

I don't really know how to say this nicely so I am going to say it in hopes of educating the ignorant people in this world that say things like "Aren't you glad you got to have real daughters? You know your own blood."  Blood doesn't make you family people.  Period.  They are my real daughters.  I pursued them.  They were no accident.  I am the only mother they have ever known.  Does adoption make me less of a mother?  I think not.

A mother cradles you in her arms, comforts you when you are sick, fixes you meals, helps with homework, fixes hair, nurtures, guides, corrects, invests time and energy everyday.  It sounds cliche but anyone can bring a child into this world, that doesn't make you a mother.

There.  I feel better.

Thank you, thank you God for choosing me to adopt these precious girls.  I love them so much my heart feels as though it will burst at times. 

Anna and Brynn you are curious and funny and witty and smart.  You are athletic and beautiful and kind.  I knelt every night for 2 years and prayed one prayer specifically that God would give me at least one little girl with blond hair and blue eyes to love and call my own.  He delivered twice in you sweet ones.  You girls made me a mother first and that is something I will never forget.

Anna and Brynn have been asking more and talking more about their adoption these days.  I am praying and want to be prepared to answer questions honestly and wisely as they come.

After school Anna ran into my room and yelled, "Mama how do you spell Russia? I am going to Google it."  I smiled and told her.

Once Russia's children, now mine forever.  Thank you Jesus!