Adoption. Mama How Do You Spell Russia?

Lately, I have been on an adoption kick. I have been looking at old pictures, watching videos, and remembering the painstaking infertility and adoption process. I am far removed from those times in my life but it is never far from my memory.  Maybe it's a God thing but it is totally on my heart.

Brynn thanked Jesus in her prayer the other night that her Daddy and I adopted her because she might never have been adopted.  Insert lump in throat.  I wept.. Seriously.  It made me think about her first few years of life.  I wondered what she remembered about the orphanage, if anything, I wondered what loss she felt.  Maybe nothing, but maybe something that may impact her in the future.

The difference is we are her family and we will be here with her every step of the way.  Answering questions to the best of our abilities, crying, rejoicing,  telling her stories about the first time we met her. But honestly, I have no newborn pictures of my twins. I hate that.  What will Anna and Brynn feel about this when they are old enough to understand? What will they feel about the fact that I know very little about their birth mom and that what I do know may not even be true. Does it matter?  Will it matter?

People say it shouldn't matter but it probably will someday and I need to be prepared.  I think often times people assume that since Anna and Brynn now have a family they shouldn't think about the past.  But they need to feel how they feel and I need to support them.

We still deal with some repercussion of them living in an orphanage early in life, during some important developmental times and that's okay.  The good out ways the bad by 100 percent.  My life is full because of the two precious girls God brought into the world, thousands of miles away knowing that Ben I would parent them, that I would be their mother.

I don't really know how to say this nicely so I am going to say it in hopes of educating the ignorant people in this world that say things like "Aren't you glad you got to have real daughters? You know your own blood."  Blood doesn't make you family people.  Period.  They are my real daughters.  I pursued them.  They were no accident.  I am the only mother they have ever known.  Does adoption make me less of a mother?  I think not.

A mother cradles you in her arms, comforts you when you are sick, fixes you meals, helps with homework, fixes hair, nurtures, guides, corrects, invests time and energy everyday.  It sounds cliche but anyone can bring a child into this world, that doesn't make you a mother.

There.  I feel better.

Thank you, thank you God for choosing me to adopt these precious girls.  I love them so much my heart feels as though it will burst at times. 

Anna and Brynn you are curious and funny and witty and smart.  You are athletic and beautiful and kind.  I knelt every night for 2 years and prayed one prayer specifically that God would give me at least one little girl with blond hair and blue eyes to love and call my own.  He delivered twice in you sweet ones.  You girls made me a mother first and that is something I will never forget.

Anna and Brynn have been asking more and talking more about their adoption these days.  I am praying and want to be prepared to answer questions honestly and wisely as they come.

After school Anna ran into my room and yelled, "Mama how do you spell Russia? I am going to Google it."  I smiled and told her.

Once Russia's children, now mine forever.  Thank you Jesus!

The Move and Other Cool Stuff.

My sister is here!  She officially lives 7 minutes from me.  We haven't lived  that close since high school when we lived in the same house.  It's been a whirlwind week.  We have helped unload, unpack, given unsolicited advice on paint colors and gushed about the awesome home she and her family now inhabit.

Cousin pile on...

I think above all, I have enjoyed watching our children, play and fight almost like sisters do...except they're cousins.  I had to stop and take pictures in the middle of unpacking the kitchen.  Too priceless to see cousins twirling around in princess dresses and high heel shoes oblivious to the mess of cardboard boxes and packing paper.  Awesome.

Kinley totally digs her new lanai.

Stacy's move has been seamless and it is obvious God is in the midst.  Everything has gone smoothly and worked out perfectly.  Usually, that is a sign to me that things are moving right along in the middle of God's will.  When things start being difficult and not working out is when  I have to stop and wonder if it is God's will....  Most times not.

We had some exciting news this week from our friends who are adopting a little girl from China.  They got a referral this week.  A referral is when you are given the information and picture about the child you have been matched with. (Adoptive parents anticipate and dream of this day!) It turns out that the day sweet baby girl was abandoned on the steps of a welfare office across the world in China, was the exact date our friends decided to adopt.  I love stories like this.  I'm telling you people, when you seek God's will He will give you an occasional "wink" or "nod" letting you know well done you're on the right path.  We cannot wait to meet the newest bundle of joy!

I finish this post with a happy heart.  God is in the very tiniest details of our lives and it has been so evident to me this week.  Nothing better then actively seeking God's will.  It brings such a joy and peace.

Your Goodness.

This week I have been in a foul mood, obsessing constantly about the ways my life could be better, if my children would only.... if my husband could just.... yadda yadda yadda.  I found myself talking alot to my friends.  Woe is me. One day it hit me. 

Have I spent all week talking about the things that are bothering me or have I really prayed about them?  Nope.  I'm pretty sure I have just talked about them so much that I was wallering in self pity.  When I recalled my conversations with friends I felt petty and selfish.

I have totally spent too much time thinking about myself and my life when I really need to get outside of my head and get over it.

Jesus your goodness is all around me.  It is in the priceless moments with my family, they way you take care of your children in profound ways when we need it most, in the way the sun sets at night and rises each morning and in the 4 pair of feet with 40 painted toes that pitter pat across my floors everyday. His goodness stands right in front of my face, right here right now, asking for cereal.  She is Caroline. She is my daughter. She almost died in January but Jesus saved her by His grace and mercy.  She now wakes up everyday completely healthy and medicine free.  How quickly we forget. We vow to never forget, but we do in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

Yesterday my photographer posted some of our family pictures to Facebook.  It was the first time I had seen them.  I just sat and stared at them for an hour.  Brynn came by the computer and asked, "Mommy why are you still looking at those?"  I sat there for a moment contemplating and then replied, "I can't believe you are all mine and how God put my beautiful family together.  I am so blessed Brynn.  I am so thankful." You wouldn't have known it one bit by my attitude this week.

I serve a God that gives unconditional love to me all the time.  How many times a day do I fail Him and He takes me back with open arms day after day, willingly.  He died on the cross so that HIS goodness would supersede my inadequacies.  Totally overwhelming.

I'm embarrassed and ashamed.  And let me tell you when I finally stopped talking and prayed over what was bothering me God gave me hope for change just like I asked.

Funny enough, I sat down to do my devotional yesterday and I prayed before I even opened the Bible that the Lord would open my eyes and ears to what He wanted me to learn.  And lo and behold I came across the following verse twice within a few pages of each other!  I had no idea that some verses are in the Bible twice... but they are.  This one is written twice in the book of Proverbs. 

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."
 Proverbs 21:9 (and Proverbs 25:24 for that matter)

Okay Lord.  I get it.  I will do better.

Done

God takes care of me.  Truly.  I live so close to my kids elementary school we can walk. It is literally across the street.  God really is in the details. It is the little things like a blessing such as this that I often take for granted.

Today the babies and I walked from our house to take the Anna and Brynn to school.  The babies did not have on  shoes and they were sportin some fabulous polyester princess night gowns.  Stay Classy Fleming Island. 

Aubrey is in a baby doll phase.  She talks about and totes around babies all day long. I'm quite sure she is the next Michelle Duggar.  This morning was no different and she could not possibly be talked out of carrying two of her ten baby dolls across the path to walk Anna and Brynn to school.  Pick your battles right?  So, I let her but told her she would have to carry them.

Aubrey followed along with us lagging about 5 steps behind as she struggled to carry her two baby dolls which are about a big as her.  I've been there in real life.... I sympathize with ya sister.

As soon as Aubrey walks back into our house after we had taken the girls to school she steps in the door and  tosses her babies on the kitchen floor and yells,  "Done."  Hysterical.

How often as mothers do we want to throw up our hands and scream "Done."  But we can't.

Aubrey went to the YMCA yesterday with her hair stuck to her face either from snot or some food substance, not sure which. I just know two things, I wanted to work out and if I didn't go right then before Anna and Brynn's  soccer practice I wouldn't get to and I was entirely too tired to brush her hair and unstick it from the substance on her face. Oh well. So off we went. I redeemed myself today.  She had a bath last night before bed and I made sure that the first thing I did this morning was put her hair up so there would be no chance of it getting stuck to her face.  I must say, when I just had Anna and Brynn I would have never let them leave the house like that.  I use to bathe them everyday before school because they wore pull ups and I was afraid they smelled like pee.  Needless to say those days are gone and we are in survival mode. 

I guess God knew that having four children would help me with pride.

I use to pray everyday when I was a child that my cabbage patch kid would come to life.  It kinda of did 30 years later times 4. See, God really does answer prayers, just in His time and in His way.  No putting them in the drawer when I'm tired of playing with them now.

Pretty sure I was done last night when I fell asleep in my workout clothes sans shower.

Put a fork in me I'm done oh and by the way wouldn't trade any of it.

Fingerprints and Family Pictures

I am on a never ending quest to eliminate sticky fingerprints and smudges from every surface in my entire house, basically all the time.  They really get under my skin.  It is starting to make me psycho.  It's like that arcade game whack a mole.  A mole pops out of the hole you whack him on the head and then another one pops up.  I walk around with Pine Sol, a soapy wash cloth and basically when I think I've got them all, the sun shines in just right and I see another fingerprint or sticky smudge out of the corner of my eye. Most times, I will finish cleaning the stand up mirror, Aubrey will walk up to it to admire herself and lick it or put her mouth on it.  Sigh. I really am like a dog chasing its tail.  Oh well.  This is a season of life and I know full well when the fingerprints are gone my house will probably be way too quiet and definitely not as fun.  Today, I had to stop playing whack a mole and walk away.  It really doesn't matter.

We are taking family pictures this evening.  Anyone who knows me well, knows, that I am a picture freak.  I love to take pictures, I love to look at pictures and I take family pictures often.  Some would say maybe too often, but I disagree. Life is flying by, the girls are growing up too quickly and I want to capture the stages, the toothless grins, the baby mullets and the chubby legs.  I just keep adding the new pictures on top of the old ones in my picture frames.  Every time I change them out I take time to stop and look at all the older pictures.  It's amazing how quickly I forget how my kids used to look, or for that matter, the way Ben and I used to look... hehe.  For better or for worse right?

I came by it honestly.  If you ever want to see a life size portrait of my face so large and so close up you can see inside my nose go to my Mama's house, there you will find my senior pic.  I never doubted how much she loves me;)

I have family pictures all over the walls of my house. Simply because what better way to decorate  than pictures of people you love the most in life. Also, when I'm having a really bad day, it's easier to count my blessings when they are smack dab in my face plastered all over my walls.

I'm nervous.  I am a little obsessive when we take family pictures.  I admit it.  I want each child's hair perfectly coiffed the way I want it.  Nobody has a choice of outfits, not even Benji.  Anna will be happy to know that tonight she does not have to wear a dress.  It takes alot of time and work getting my crew the way I want them, let alone keeping them that way.  Inevitably, the minute I fix Aubrey's hair she will rip it out and grin at me.  I will probably feel like spitting nails.  But, maybe if I'm lucky that won't happen.  The photographer wants to take the pictures in St. Augustine which is about forty minutes away from my house.  Can I do it?  Can everyone make it there in one piece?  I'm praying.

The prep... I broke out the old school hot rollers...

I had photos taken of the girls last spring but we haven't had a professional family photo with Ben done since Aubrey was 5 months old.  Too long.  These four kids are causing me to be a slacker.  The last time we had our picture taken, Ben said that we weren't doing it again until Aubrey was 18 years old.  After that photo session, I was drenched in sweat and we both needed a stiff drink. I'll let you know how tonight goes.

Otherwise, we are doing the typical weekend stuff, Easter candy eating, drum playing, soccer game winning, neighbor visiting, Capri Sun sipping and pool splashing!

Never happier than when my family is all together.

Happy Weekend to you.

Be You. Be Fabulous.

 Ever think you look great until someone else walks up and then suddenly you covet her outfit, feel frumpy and want to go home and change?  Ever been sitting in church admiring the lady's dress in front of you, wondering where she purchased it and thinking you have to have a dress similar to that all instead of listening to the sermon?  I have. In denial?

We compare ourselves to others constantly.  We notice if another woman has on cuter clothes, has better hair, is skinnier.  My friend told me once that often times we dress for other women,we want our friends to think we look fabulous.  If we are honest I think we would admit that this ts true.

We compare how nicely our kids are dressed, the size of our houses, how well they are decorated, how clean they are.  We compare our creative abilities in the kitchen and with our kids, notice whose husband "appears" to make more money.  We hand out supermom badges to certain moms in our heads all the while thinking to ourselves, if I could only be like that woman.  If I only had her life.

Trust me "that woman" that you admire and strive to be like has issues too.  She has insecurities like everyone else and probably is secretly in admiration of someone too and is placing them on a pedestal.

Listen, even the most seemingly amazing woman you know has baggage. You don't see behind closed doors. If you knew what you were wishing for you may not want her life. We live in an era of Facebook where everyone puts all the best stuff out there for everyone to see. We live in an era of look how wonderful my family is, how successful I have become, how educated I am, how beautiful my kids are.  We want people to admire our lives.  I read last night that this is called "facebragging"  I had to laugh.

 Do you ever find yourself in a conversation thinking of a story you have to tell even before the person you are talking to has finished what she is saying? Do you always have to get your two cents in and have your opinions known?

We are constantly trying to validate our lives by offering unsolicited advice on how to do things, sending the best snack to prechool and taking on way too many activities that we should have said "no" to.  Often we even tear others down just to make ourselves feel better, maybe not verbally but in our minds.   We are surrounded in a world of "one uppers" Especially women. We are one uppers. "That woman drives a nicer car but my house is bigger. Her house may always be spotless but I can cook better than her."

Why can't we just realize how unique and amazing we are?  All moms have individual gifts and talents given to them by our Heavenly Father who created each and every person...differently, on purpose. We were created in His perfect image.  This was no accident.  All our earthly possessions belong to Jesus anyways.  Our material possessions aren't really ours to start with and we will be held accountable on how we use them while on earth. 

Encourage other mothers instead of being envious or critical of them.   We need to build each other up. I guarantee that in turn it will inevitably make you feel better too.  Instead of always comparing ourselves to our friends and trying to justify our lives we should use our gifts to bless our family and others.

The days I am most like a supermom are the days I wake up and slow down.  The days I take joy in the little things, spend quality time with my kiddos and appreciate what God has given me.  I am fulfilled and content with myself and my life.

This year I am striving to be the best mom I can be.  Be inspired by others around you but do not covet their lives.  I'm preaching to myself here too sisters.  It's not easy.  It only took me hmmm about 30 years to learn this and apply it to my life and still find myself reverting back to the old me from time to time.

Next time you are on struggle street say a quick prayer.  Bring your mind into submission.  Get your supermom cape out of the drawer and make it a great day. Stop coveting and being a one upper. Be the most fabulous YOU, you can be.

And if I'm preaching to the choir...rock on with your bad self!

Lessons from 4

Let's face it most people don't have four children these days.  I am the first one to admit I never thought in a million years I would be the mother of four.  But wow, what I have learned from parenting that many kiddos...  some truly valuable lessons.

Before I start please know that no matter how many children you have you will grow in faith, patience, character, but most of all delight.

This picture makes me laugh out loud now.  It was right after the birth of my fourth child. Everything seems picture perfect but I thought my life was over and I felt like I had been hit by a mac truck.  Thank goodness for sunglasses.

Here goes:

You really don't need all the baby gear it just takes up too much space in your house.

A ginormous diaper bag, with everything but the kitchen sink in it is not necessary. Your child really will last through an hour of church without, diaper cream, a sippy cup, cheerios, a paci, and blanket yadda yadda yadda...   Do send diapers and wipes...

You can try and be the perfect parent and you will still make mistakes.  All kiddos are different and  what worked great for one may totally blow up in your face with the others.

Love does not divide it multiplies.

The five second rule applies to all food that has fallen on the floor.  It's really okay, it strengthens their immune system.

Your kid will not die if she takes a paci or bottle or breastfeeds past the age of 1.

Parenting 3 kids prior doesn't make one a fabulous mother. But it makes one a wiser one.

Kids will  throw temper tantrums and say embarrassing things it's not always a reflection of your parenting..

You really need to pick your battles. Some things just aren't worth fighting about.

Tell your kids about Jesus early in life.  They understand more than you give them credit for.

You can never spend too much time rocking, or kissing or holding or reading.  Do it even when you don't feel like it.

Baby books are great but not the gospel.  Read different opinions and come up with a perfect solution on your own.  You know your child best.

DVD players in the car really are a gift from God. I'm not ashamed.

Some days you will feel bi polar.  One minute your want to kill a your children and within 30 seconds your heart will overflow with love for them.  Don't panic this is normal.

Play music in your child's room from the minute they come home from the hospital.  It helps them get to sleep and stay asleep.

A sibling or siblings is one of the greatest gift you can give your child.

Children need to be able to express opinions.  They must be taught to do it respectfully.

Time passes too quickly. Take time to smell the roses.

 Don't have kids in so many activities that all you do is run from one thing to the next.  It ends up not being enjoyable for anyone.

You will have to google your child's homework.  Sometimes even in 2nd grade.

Talk to your kids but more importantly take time to listen.

Sleep is overrated.  You can sleep when your dead.

Chicken nuggets are a food group.

You should not be rated on how good of a mother you are by how early your baby sleeps through the night.  People who ask you that  question when you have a newborn should be shot.

People who designed aisles in a department stores and shopping malls clearly never had kids or pushed a stroller.

You can't pray enough for your kids.  Cover them in prayer everyday, especially before they go to school.

Children need love the most when they deserve it the least.

Take family pictures often, hang them on your walls.  You won't regret it.

Chill out.  You want to live to meet your grandkids.

This is just for starters.  I may have to write a Lessons From 4 Part 2.

I couldn't have dreamed up the life that I am living as I type these words.  Each child and passing year has made me stronger, wiser and more dependent on God.  I wouldn't change a single minute.

Llama Drama

Mama don't need anymore llama drama.  Ever read Llama Llama Red Pajama?  Well if not, you should. 

I laugh at the drama that goes on in my house.

I was in the kitchen this evening listening to Caroline and Aubrey fight.  Hysterical. 

Aubrey:  Ine Hit me Mama (Aubrey calls Caroline Ine)

Caroline:  I don't like you Aubrey

Me:  Aubrey go and tell Caroline that you don't appreciate it when she hits you.

Aubrey:  Otay Mommy

Aubrey takes off running screaming loudly.

Aubrey: No ma'am Ine.  No Ma'am. 

Caroline:  Aubrey hit me first Mama. She hit me with the blocks.  You can't be in my club Aubrey.  Mean people aren't allowed to be in my club.

30 seconds later they are sitting in the chair together watching their favorite show.


Ahh siblings.

Egg Heads

Well, it's Easter 2012.  I looked for little plastic eggs much too early, ate candy for breakfast and tried not to need blood pressure medicine while getting myself and 4 girls ready for church.  Actually it has been a fabulous day to celebrate our Risen Lord. 

Jesus did what He said He would do.  He died on the cross and rose three days later. One day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord.  Oh the anticipation. Just call me preacher...

My day started too early with little whispers of 7 year olds by my bed.  Almost inaudibly Brynn says to Anna, "Go get the babies up, then they can wake mom and dad up."  Smart girl.  I would have told them to go back to bed and wait for the babies to wake up.  If you think I am waking a slumbering 2 and 3 year old you've got something else coming.  But I let the twins wake them up because after all it's Easter... right?  And I was in awe of the ingenuity, frankly.

So bright and early we were acting surprised at all the crazy places Peter Cotton Tail left all the eggs or in this case Mrs. Cotton Tail.

Baskets included new water bottles and some jammies and too much candy.  I went to Wal Mart hungry, and by myself, big mistake.

I am including these pictures of our Easter morning before church even though most of them should be in a horror magazine.  They are pretty scary.  Egg heads.  Crazy when you take so many pictures and they are all pretty much awful.  Love the bed head and sugar high faces.....

I don't usually put on two pairs of jammies...just trying on the new ones over the old ones... In case you were wondering.

After our candy high wore off a bit we proceeded to get ready for church.  Honestly, no matter how prepared I am...and I have to admit I am pretty good now, I feel stressed and rushed every Sunday.  Daddy made the good call of fixing every ones hair and letting them run around in their panties until right before we left.  That turned out to be a good call because inevitably Brynn gave Aubrey a red marker...temporary moment of insanity, and she wrote all over her arm and hands.  Luckily she didn't have her Easter dress on...that would have pushed Mommy over the edge.  I tried getting it off with wet wipes, soap and water and nail polish remover   No dice so I just chalked it up to enhanced beauty.

Before church photo shoot:

We got to church early...yes I said early and Ben was with us...it's a Christmas miracle...I mean Easter miracle.  Everyone that knows me, knows, that as much as I love my hubby he is slower than molasses and it tends to lead to marital discord at times... No marital discord this morning he was early...I just needed to hear that again.  Seriously.

We finished our celebration with lunch at Mojo's.  Chicken nachos anyone?  Yum! Nothing says Easter like chicken nachos... okay maybe not, but they sure were good.  We left the restaurant and Ben says to me, "We're getting there, that wasn't too bad."  Eating out is always a gamble but sometimes much worth the risk.

I realized this week I have some work to do with my kiddos in the scripture department.  They are starting to get the Easter Bunny story and Jesus rising from the dead all entangled.  Some homework for the summer.

Loved looking at all the Easter Family pics on Facebook today.  Spring has sprung and Jesus is alive what a great day.

And if you need me this week I will be hiding in my walk in closet eating the kids Easter candy.  Feel free to join me...I might share.