Big Yet Small

I think I am mourning a little bit. I feel sad.  My kids are getting older.  I can't even count the times this week that one of them has done something or said something and I have thought to myself, "Gee, she seems so grown up."

I got out of the shower this evening and Aubrey and Caroline were waiting for me, ready to execute the post bath routine.  All by themselves.  They dried me off, brushed my hair and helped me pick out my jammies. Just like I have done for them countless times before.  I have had many deep conversations this week with Aubrey. I am enjoying our one on one time.  She is using words like might and privilege.  Caroline goes to school three days a week and never cries when I leave.  In her classroom she unpacks her book bag and puts her snack on the shelf. So different from last year when the teachers would peel her off my leg every morning.  Today Caroline asked me if she could eat her cereal out of a glass bowl. Gulp.  As much as I have longed for these days during the hard times, now that they are here I honestly  haven't quite figured out how I feel about them. 

Anna and Brynn can totally unload the dishwasher and learn their spelling words without help.  They get up in the morning and pick out their own clothes and get dressed.  This morning Anna poured cereal and milk (without spilling it) in bowls for all her sisters.  They read chapter books before bed instead of thumbing through picture books.  That's big girl stuff.  They are having their first sleep over this Friday night. (Prayers appreciated)  I am already brainstorming how I can make my house the most fun house on the block so this is where my girls and their friends want to congregate.

This week we verbally promised our toddler beds to our neighbors. I just sat in the babies room last night staring at their nursery and the beds, picturing big girl beds in their place. I gazed at the toddler beds that all my girls have slept in. My mom told me when it was time to move Anna and Brynn out of them that, "Keeping them in toddler beds won't keep them little."  She's right. I guess it's the same for Aubrey and Caroline. Nonetheless, I have a pit in my stomach.

As I was pondering how big they are I also thought of how small they still seem.  They will always be my babies.  They still need their boo boos kissed and they like to sit on my lap and tell me about their day.  Aubrey still loves to be wrapped in her blankie and rocked.  Caroline still needs me to brush her teeth for her and scratch her back before bedtime.  They all still bust a move oblivious to present company, no matter where we are when their favorite song comes on the radio.  (Although, I have adult friends who do this as well...who will remain nameless...ahem...Tempa)  Anna never seemed littler than when I left her at a new school this year. Brynn still dresses up everyday in some costume and plays make believe. And they all still go crazy over bubbles.

I know we raise our children to be independent and to have confidence and spread their wings but when they do it stings a little. Do they still need me?  The answer is yes.  They will always need me just in different ways and that's okay.

I have had a house full of little ones for a while now and this is new territory for me. I have been a breastfeeding, diaper changing, care taking fool for the past few years. I am reevaluating my role.  It is bitter sweet.

Brynn told me something we were talking about today, "Was so last year." Oh if only she was 2 again.

My advice to you...cherish each day as a gift, don't wish away stages even when it's hard.  Make your motto, "No regrets."

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Proverbs 22:6

Quiet Clarity

Long drive back over the bridge.  Just dropped my third child off at preschool.  Sigh.  Unusual not to have Aubrey in the car with me too, but she stayed home with Daddy.  A feeling of anxiousness envelops me.

I begin to pray.

"Lord, I pray over my children this morning.  I pray that you protect them while they are away from me.  I pray that you will help them to find friends that will make their days brighter, I pray that they can be a gentle touch to someone who needs it or comic relief to a teacher who is having a bad day.  I pray that they learn what they need to learn this year, in school but also in life.  I pray that I can help them learn those "oh so important" life lessons.  Lord, please equip me as a mother to help me to be a tender place to fall but  firm when necessary.  Help me to know when to speak and offer my opinion and when to listen and let my children figure things out on their own.  Give me patience with homework, and learning disabilities and crazy toddlers.  Help me to remember that having one child at home doesn't mean I have to get more done.  Help me to put aside chores to spend quality time with Aubrey.  Help me to nurture her and focus on her needs. Help me to be a daily example of your peace and kindness and love. I thank you for my children and what joy they bring to me. I thank you for designing them to rub off my rough edges as well. Lessons are reciprocal. You designed it that way... perfectly. Lord with the extra time I have at home while my kids are in school, use me. Use me to bless others. Allow others to cross my path that may need encouragement or a friend. Reveal your purposes. I give you my life. Use it as you will.   Lord, I pray for our family this year. I thank you in advance for the fun we will share and I also pray that you will help us weather any storms that come our way.  I love you with all my heart.  I entrust my girls to you Lord.  Amen."

Wow.  The clarity that comes in a quiet car. I don't experience it often.

May I use my extra "car time" this year to rest quietly in you.  Let the rat race begin.

Caroline Noel. First day of Preschool

The Sock Drawer.

Today, I have realized one thing.  I do alot of jobs around here that no one else thinks about or cares about.  Now, men that read my blog, before you click the X at the top of your screen maybe you should continue reading.  Brownie points...ya know.

What did I do today?  I wiped out the fridge, did laundry and  bought Aubrey some ballet shoes. I picked up noodles and then granola bar off of the kitchen floor and cleaned dried food off of the highchair. The most exciting thing I did today is I bought new underwear and socks for my children and cleaned out their sock drawers. Blah, blah, blah.  I know.  I am a nut job or maybe this "stay at home mom thing" is making me rather boring. Did I mention I used to run a business?   Let me explain. I save odd socks all year.  I just know that I will find the match and that if I throw an odd sock away, I won't have it when I need it.  We have a sock monster that lives in our house.  He eats one of virtually every pair of socks that are purchased.  Consequently, my girls drawers are full of odd socks that make the drawer look messy.  Literally, every day for 6 months I have opened the sock drawer and thought to myself, "I really need to clean out this drawer."  Today I did.  I got a big 'ole garbage bag and dumped the whole lot of odd socks in the trash.  It was liberating. I folded all the new white socks neatly in the drawer (Yes, for the next couple of days they will be white)  and smiled triumphantly.  I did the same to the underwear drawer.  How my children's underwear end up looking l like they have been through 100 mud runs are beyond me but I replaced them today.  Satisfaction I tell ya.  And then it occurred to me.   I spend countless hours doing jobs around our home that nobody notices, but that matter.

It takes so much to get kiddos back to school.  Shoes, clothes, school supplies, physicals, forms galore and so on and so on.  Mothers do so much little stuff that is often off the radar.

I did alot of research, worrying and praying about my daughter Anna changing schools  She had to be evaluated, have reference forms completed,  have a physical done, she needed uniforms--all monogrammed with the schools logo. I talked to the headmaster numerous times on the phone and made many visits to pay deposits and tuition.  It has been alot of sweat and tears. 

Yesterday, Ben went to pick Anna up from school.   When they arrived home I was folding laundry in the bedroom and Ben came in and simply said, "Shan good job.  I haven't seen Anna that happy or with that much confidence in a long time.  Good job, Shannon Rae."   I about fell over.  People, that meant the world to me.  He noticed and thanked me.  Anna's success would have been thanks enough for my efforts but it was so great to hear.

So to all the men out there, sorry if you are bored to tears with this post.  Thanks for not tuning me out.  Thank your wife.  She does alot of jobs that go unnoticed and honestly are often undone shortly after she completes them.

And ladies great job.  I know the little jobs you do that go unnoticed.  They matter.  Go clean out the sock drawer.  It's a great feeling.

On a happy note...Aubrey started ballet today.  Be still my heart.  Cutest. Ballerina. Ever.  She didn't dance much, but boy did she look the part.  The whole fam went to support.  She basically spent the entire class waving to us through the window.

Hello August.

I wouldn't be truthful if I didn't say that in June I was dreading summer just a little.  The thought of keeping four little ones occupied, fed, the house tidied with no break was daunting.  But boy was I wrong.  We had a fabulous summer.  The best one to date!  Actually, I cannot believe I am saying, "Hello August!"

School starts this week.  I have mixed emotions.  I crave routine and schedules but there is something incredibly refreshing about letting the kids stay up later, not worrying about homework and lazy days  by the pool.

Trying to grab a hold of the various seasons of life.  Savor the sights, smells and memories. Summer is one of my favorites.  One can never swim too much, get a dark enough tan or eat too many ice cream cones.  Oh and let's not forget sweet tea.  My favorite.

We have been very blessed this summer.  So fun to sit with the girls before they go to bed and reminisce about our summer adventures.  We often ask, "What was the high point of your day, what was the low point?"  We just returned from a vacation with my parents.  So there were many high points for my girls to discuss.  Yes, if you are thinking we are mooching off of our parents it's true.  Our fabulous vacations are often made possible because of their generosity.  Thank you. xoxo

I'm itching for fall.  I have to "play" fall here in  Florida.  It is really still summer here until almost November but I hang up my fall wreaths, put out my fall Yankee candle and bake everything under the sun that includes the ingredient pumpkin.  It is a symbol of school starting, fall soccer games, football season and the anticipation of new teachers, new classmates and this year for my sweet Anna, a new school.

I have prayed long and hard about Anna changing schools. My heart is heavy. She has struggled and we have found a perfect place to help catch her up, and rebuild her confidence.  She will be starting at a new school on Monday.  We are excited for the opportunities that this new school holds for her, however, it is new territory for us.  She will be separated from her twin sister Brynn.  So we shall see.

Yes, and if you are wondering I will be running around like a crazy woman. What a mother will do for her children.   If you need me I will be in the car.  Mama's taxi.  Brynn's school starts at 8:00, Anna's at 8:30 and Caroline's at 9:00.  So I will have to be on my toes!

Caroline returns to school for the first time since her illness.  She is super excited  I am super nervous.  She will be fine but I have hovered over that sweet girl and it's time to give her some space.  I pray God's protection over her.  My family teared up often this past week watching her swim her heart out.  My Dad kept saying, "I can't believe this is the same little girl."  She has come far, but we can't forget, it's still fresh in our minds. She will be in the same class as her cousin Clara.  Stacy and I have already started praying for their teachers. They will need it!  I am considering buying them some ear plugs.  Those two kiddos are loud and when they are together... forget it.

Brynn is returning to elementary school.  She has excelled there.  I can't believe she will be in third grade.

Little Mama...aka Aubrey will be enjoying some one on one time.  She is starting ballet in the tots class this year.  It truly is all she talks about...oh and her birthday which she tells us is coming up soon...February... but who's counting.  She does a mean twirl to Lionel Richie's "Ballerina Girl."

In the next pic Aubs is sporting her tutu, soccer socks and her sister's swim medals.  Priceless.

Looking forward to the first day of school for my chicks.  Time to leave the nest once again.

May The Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you.

May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.