Bring on 2012

This week we have had people sleeping in every crevice of our home.  Literally.

My husband lights up when he is around his family.  Seriously the man is on cloud nine.  He's a family man through and through.  He loves everything that comes with his entire family, (minus 2) piling into our home and huge family feasts around our table. 

I get crazy looks from friends when I tell them our Christmas plans and the number of family members who are enjoying our hospitality.  Is there anything more important than family? Let me answer that for you.  No. Nothing.

Christmas is coming to a close.  Time to take down the tree.

As a  new year approaches  I can't help but reflect on the wisdom I have gained.  I learn more with each passing year. But my 35th year of life... what a year.  My brain is busy trying to wrap itself around everything 2011 taught me.

This year I have learned so much about myself, my hubby my kids, my relationship with the Lord Almighty. 

I have become comfortable in my skin.  I feel free. Very free.

Peaceful.

I have learned to communicate more clearly and deliberately.  I have learned that as long as Jesus approves of my efforts in life I don't need to please anyone else.  I have learned to be me.  To like me.  If others like me great...oh and I hope they do, but if they don't it's fine...really.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to get over myself.  This life is not about me.  It's temporary.  I am here on this Earth to be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ.  Period.  Plain and simple.

I need to take the time to be kind, anticipate others needs and tell them about the love of our Savior.  Life is not promised to be comfortable, or happy or easy.  I  need to rejoice and fulfill my calling regardless of my feelings or circumstances.


"Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of others...for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.” Albert Einstein



Life is pretty great right now.  I'm kind of in awe.  I sat at the beach today with my in laws, my four beautiful, blonde, healthy daughters running around in the sand, Benji smiling from ear to ear and thought-- thank you Jesus.  But if things change this coming year I will still say thank you Jesus.  Truly, thank you.

I have also come to a contentment in life with what I have.  I used to dream and obsess about what I "need"  --- a  bigger house, a certain sweater, the zebra shoes, new furniture and the list goes on.  I have what I need.  All I need... and more.

I feel like I have learned how to communicate with Ben.  I know , I know it has only taken 11 years but it has revolutionized our marriage.  He has mellowed.  That helps too.  All in all our path is leading in the same direction and we are walking side by side. Hand in hand. He's my best friend.  I love being the co captain of this ship with him.

2011 brought many answered prayers.

2 of my girls decided to trust in the Lord.  2 down 2 to go. Life changing.

Ohh and did I mention my twin sister is moving to FL!  I wish you all could see the happy dance I am doing at this very minute.  I guess I can use this next year to try and figure out how to get the rest of my family down here;)

My prayer for 2012 is that God uses me for His purposes.  May I take the time to listen so I know His plans for me and may I be willing and ready.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
-Scholar Joseph Campbell

I'm am so enjoying the life God has planned for me.  Bring on 2012.

Coffee

I got up this morning in hopes of drinking a cup of coffee in peace.  Better luck next time.

I'll set the scene for you.

7am

My kitchen.

I have a house full of Christmas guests sleeping in the bedrooms.

Brynn:  Mama did you know that alligators don't just eat people to be mean?  Mama did you know that elves have special feet so they can walk?

Anna: (Doing Micheal Jacksonesque moves across my kitchen floor) What day is it?  What day is it? What day is it?  Do I have dance today?

Caroline: (Always the voice of reason)  You all better be quiet you're gonna wake the baby.  Mama Anna is being too loud she is going wake up Aubrey.  Mama.  Can I watch Caillou?  I have to go potty I need help!  Please help me!  It's too dark in there.

Anna: ( Rapping some weird song about Christmas) Is Santa coming tonight?  What will happen if I touch Jerry? (Jerry is our elf on the shelf)


Me:  He will lose his magic.

Brynn: Don't touch Jerry.  Mom! Anna is gonna touch Jerry.

Caroline: Oh no Jerry won't work and Santa won't come.  Anna you are so mean.  No! don't touch Jerry.  Please don't touch Jerry.

Me:  Anna don't touch Jerry

Anna: We get muffins for breakfast.  Aww yeah.  Come to mama little muffin you have a date with my mouth.

Brynn: (Talking to Jerry)  Move little guy.  I know you are just plastic but I want to see you walk.

Caroline: (Singing) Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle all the way.  Mama can I look at pictures on your phone?

Brynn: (Dressed in a police outfit)  Ma'am do you have a problem with snakes around here?  I am a snake catcher.  I would be willing to catch them for you. I think I saw a red, black and white snake.

Then from the bedroom I hear #4 stand up in her crib.

Aubrey:  Mama Mama Mama Mama eat eat eat eat. (I better feed her we all know what happens when I make her wait.) (If you missed it see previous post:Not Even 10 O'clock.)

Heck, drink a cup of coffee... I never got it made.

Have I told you?

I was standing in the audience watching you girls sing at church last evening and I was overcome by everything I want you to know, everything I want to teach you.  It seems I have so little time and so much to share.

Sometimes we get caught up in the shuffle of everyday life.  Do I take the time to teach you?  Do I lead by example?

My Mama (your Nana) was and still is one of my greatest teachers.  Here are some of the lessons she taught me about life that I want to pass down to you girls. Some lessons she could not teach me, I have learned them on my own the hard way.  Listen carefully.  You will need them.  I hope I am around for a long time to see your life unfold but if God has other plans I want you to know these things:

Love people with a love that accepts and cherishes unconditionally.  Expect the same kind of love from whomever you marry.

Make time to read your Bible and do a daily devotional.  Your days will be easier.

Ask God every morning to be His instrument....to bring people across your path that need a gentle touch.  Ask Him to always keep you aware.  There is no greater blessing.

Participate in random acts of kindness.  It will bless your heart and others as well.

Keep your motives as well as your actions, honest and Godly.  Always keep in mind that the flesh and spirit want different things...the motives are not the same.

Guard your heart for it determines the course of your life.  Don't give it to boys freely. Once you give it you can't take it back.

You need good girl friends in life.  Relationships with close friends are invaluable.  Surround yourself with girls you can trust.

God is in control and His will is perfect.  You might not understand what He is doing but He doesn't make mistakes.  That should give you hope and comfort in troubled times.

People before projects. 

Remember to lift your hand up to God for help and direction and out to others for assistance, guidance and comfort.

It is easy to talk to God and ask of Him.  But it is important to take time to listen.  Be still and listen.  Draw upon His strength.  He sees the big picture we do not.

Be slow to anger and raise your voice in anger.  Harsh words are damaging.  Unkind words may be forgiven but not forgotten.

Marriage is a wonderful thing but it will be harder than you think.  Always put God at the center of your marriage.  Don't listen to people who say you can live on love.  A good marriage takes work.  Learn to communicate effectively with your spouse. Do not be unequally yoked.

Do not gossip.  Nothing good can come from it.  Do not tear others down just to make yourself feel better.

Have courage.  Don't  be afraid to try things just because you might fail.  You will never know if you don't try.  Remember you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.

Don't be afraid to speak out where you don't believe or where there is room for improvement.  Don't be critical, work to improve in a positive way.

Don't underestimate hospitality.  Open your home to people even if it is a mess.  Don't act put upon when people stay with you.  God has given you so much.  Share what is His with others.

Look to nature to remember the awesome power of God.  All you have to do is go outside and look around you.

Love is a choice, happiness is an ability and God is the source of both.  It is sooo true!

Take care of your body for it is the temple of the Lord.  Take time to exercise.

Don't tell God how big the mountain is.  Tell the mountain how big your God is!

Be available to others.  You never know when you may be an answer to someones special prayer.  Someone may know that life is good because of you, and that tomorrow has a bright and shining hope that wouldn't be there if you weren't here today.

Know who you are and be confident.  There is not a more attractive quality  Don't be afraid to be yourself.  God made you unique and special.  .

Get and education and choose a vocation in which you can support yourself.  You never know what will happen in life.  There will be great comfort knowing you can support yourself if need be.

Take people at their word.  Don't over analyze people and situations

Don't wish away the days.  God doesn't promise tomorrow.  Learn to appreciate the small joys that each day brings.

Bloom where you are planted.  God has you where you are for a reason.

Be authentic and transparent.  Don't pretend to be something you are not.  There is nothing more freeing than being real and not putting on a facade.

Don't go on what the world says about motherhood and family.  I hope you desire to be the center of your family and your home.  It is the greatest fulfillment I have ever experienced.  The sacrifice is great but the reward is greater.

You can't tell people how much you love them too often.  You can't give too many hugs and kisses.  Don't underestimate the power of physical touch.

If you want to see what you value in life just look at what you put time and effort into on a regular basis.  Is what you value in line with what Jesus said should have value?

Don't be passive aggressive.  Say what you mean, mean what you say.

Learn to cook.  It is a necessity in life.  It will be something that you can always share with others and that most people appreciate.

Give grace abundantly.  Your Heavenly father extends grace to you.  You should do the same.  This does not mean you have to be a doormat.  Set healthy boundaries.

Use the Bible as your guide to life.  If it says it is wrong in the Bible... it is wrong.

Cultivate strong bonds with your sisters.  Do not compete with each other.  Celebrate each others successes and differences.  When Daddy and I are gone they will be all your have. Family is important.  Make time for family.

Don't judge people.  Be quick to empathize.  You can never fully understand until you walk a mile in someone elses shoes.

Your life is yours to build as you choose.  Remember that choices have consequences.  Think about the consequences before you make quick decisions. 

I'm sure as the years progress I will add to this list.  This is just for starters.

You all will probably read this as teenagers and roll your eyes...but trust me young ones when you are older you will read it again and count it as wisdom.

I use these lessons everyday. Pencil them on your hearts. They are so important.

The love I have for you girls overwhelms me.  Always know my love for you.  Know God's love for you.  I wish you happiness in life in return for all the joy you bring to me.

Anna, Brynn, Caroline, and Aubrey,  I hope you dance.  Dance through life and enjoy what it has to offer.

May love walk by you side.  May friendship sing in your smile.  May opportunity remember to knock on your door and surprise you once in a while.  May your memories be ones that you wouldn't trade for anything.  May your hopes and dreams find ways of coming true.  May you never forget how dearly I wish "Happy Everything" for you.        Douglas Pagels

Love,
Mama

Date Night

Date night.  I anticipate date night.  I look forward to it.  Date night motivates me on the hard days. Date night is therapy for my soul.

Date night happens to be one of the only New Year's resolutions I kept this year....

I wake up the morning of date night thinking about what I might wear, what color to paint my toes,  what jewels I will drape around my neck.  I try on all the different possibilities to see what looks best.  On my way to the mirror,  I trip over blocks, pacifiers and dolls on the floor.

My worlds collide. The irony. High heels and cocktail dress tripping on all things baby.  My girls sit on the vanity playing with my makeup brushes as I apply, primp and gloss.

I play so many roles.

Tonight I am me. 

I want to wear a fancy dress and not worry that someone will slobber on it or touch me with sticky hands.  I want to tease my hair, wear ridiculously big earrings, red lipstick and  I want to wear a ton of bangle bracelets and not have anyone ask to "try them on."  I want my hubby say "wow!" when I walk into the room.  I want to feel young and sassy.

I change my purse, from the one that holds bibs, and old happy meal toys and has animal crackers smashed in the bottom of it to the clutch that holds my i.d. and a tube of lip gloss.  Do I dare leave the house with only that?  A mamas got to be prepared....but not on date night.

Tonight I am friend.

Date nights are usually with our closest couple friends.  We laugh until our stomachs hurt and eat too much food.  It's fabulous.  I don't think about homework, or bedtime or housework.  I think about how much I love the people I am with. 

Tonight I am wife.

I feel "the feelings" all over again for my hubby.  The feelings of excitement and giddiness I always felt when Ben would come and pick me up at my apartment in college.  I love him even more today.  We sit close his arm around my shoulders. I notice again how funny he is.  He's the life of the party, everyone laughs at him. I smile. That is one of the reasons I fell in love with him. Benji also wears cologne on date night....not a regular daily occurrence. I love cologne. Anyone with me that one of greatest things is a sweet smelling man.  Amen and amen.

Food, fun and fellowship.

And then back home to sleeping children.  My precious, precious children.  My soul has been rejuvenated.  My marriage rekindled.   Thankful.  More than ready to be Mommy again in the morning. Church at 9am.

Time with my spouse is possibly one of the best things I can do for myself, my marriage and my children.

Thank you Lord for date night-- one of life's little pleasures.

Wipeout

The show Wipeout is a huge hit at our house.  The girls absolutely love it.  I mean who doesn't love watching people totally fall, jump on the big balls and get punched in the face. 

Staying up late, real late, (Ohhh 8pm so late!) to watch Wipeout is a serious motivator for the Kneisley chics.  Girls take naps without a problem, learn their spelling words faster, complete homework and take baths with no goofing..well almost no goofing.  I 'm not proud!  I use it!

So much to my absolute delight last week I see a commercial for Christmas Wipeout on Thursday evening.  My kids two favorite things: Christmas and Wipeout.  What could be better?  Score!

Honestly, none of my children even my 7 year olds have much concept of time.  But I felt okay this morning over breakfast bringing up that Wipeout is on this evening after dinner.  Maybe that was a mistake because all day Aubrey has been walking around saying, "Wipeout,Wipeout, Wipeout, Wipeout, Wipeout."  I could keep typing but my hands are getting tired an truthfully that is no exaggeration on how many times that has come out of her sweet lips today.

I love it though.  What is better then something that brings the whole family together.  I sit there and watch my 4 wide eyed daughters staring at the TV completely belly laughing with one another, grinning from ear to ear.

Anna insists that she would have no problem winning the show.

Caroline always tells me about 50 times while the show is on that she doesn't ever want to be a contestant on Wipeout.  I promise her she will never have to...unless she doesn't listen to her Mama.  

(Insert Villain laugh) Ahahahahahahaha.

Childlike Faith

Be still my heart.

This weekend my girls Anna and Brynn asked Jesus Christ to become their Lord and Savior.  At first I was skeptical: both of them?, did they just follow one another?, do they understand?

Ben and I have talked with them multiple times over the last year.

Then to learn they were in separate classes and each girl expressed interest on her own.  What courage to come forward in front of their peers.  What do they really need to understand?  They understand that we are sinners who Jesus died on the cross to save.  Enough said.

How good does one have to be, how much do we need to know until we know enough to be saved?  That is missing the whole point really.  We are saved by grace.  Plain and simple.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."  Matthew 19:14

I love their innocence and their eagerness to follow their Heavenly Father.  The one who knew every hair on their head before they were born.  The one who knew on the day they were born to a Russian birth mom, in Siberia, on the other side of the world, that I was to be their mother.  As my sister says God's tapestry woven together perfectly. The one who  knew that at church in Fleming Island, Florida on this very Sunday they would make the most important decision of their lives.

The tears are falling freely as I type this.  I am so thankful.  So humbled.  I know that some mother's wait their entire lives, praying fervently for their sons and daughters to make that leap of faith and they never do.

Of course we have had the conversations following, about how their lives need to bear fruit. Now when they make any decisions, big or small they need to ask themselves does it glorify God? What would God have me do? And when they pray that God will help them make decisions in their lives. We have talked about the I'm Third Principle: God First, Others Second and Myself Third.  It will come. They will grow in their faith along the way.

My girls will fall, sure.  But they will live a life experiencing the hope that Jesus Christ provides.  I am comforted knowing that the boo boos they may suffer from the falls in life will not sting as badly because they have been given hope and grace and peace.

They are to be baptized in church on Christmas morning.  How fitting.  A tiny baby born in a manger, the hope of the world, sent to save us.

Bring on the Kleenex.  This Mama will need them.  Anna and Brynn, it all could have turned out so differently.  Yet God plucked you from a life of despair and had other plans for you.  To whom much is given much is expected.

An oldie but a goodie----

Now go little ones, be His hands and feet.

Welcome to God's Kingdom.

I think we can learn alot from the simplicity of childlike faith.

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.  Luke 2:7

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 1 John 4:9

Hideaway

Today Ben had to work.  Anna and Brynn had choir practice for the church Christmas play.  But other than that we stayed in...and it was fabulous.  If I hadn't taken the girls to choir I probably would still be sporting my comfy red, moose pajama pants and fuzzy pink slippers.  Good visual huh!

Some days I like to stay inside and not even open the blinds.  Today was one of those days.  We made cookies, baked bread, watched Soul Surfer for the 120th time.  I love days like today.  Where we are out of touch with the world and in touch with each other.

We talked about friends at school, who was nice and who wasn't, told stories about when the girls were babies and discussed artwork.  Brynn (a.k.a "Mouth")  gave us a half  hour dissertation on abstract art over lunch.  What I gathered after the whole thing was there are no straight lines in abstract art.  Boy that girl can talk!

Living in Florida with such great weather it isn't often when I feel like being a hermit.  Blue skies and sunshine usually make me want to get up and go be productive  But today there was a nip in the air (at least for Florida...it's all relative) and gray skies.  A perfect day to hideaway in our Christmas sanctuary.

My girls played play doh and took turns jumping off of the couch onto their beanbags.

I caught up on the mountain of laundry that is overtaking my house.

Aubrey took a 3 hour nap. (Insert song sung in soprano voice) Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow.  I decided to catch some shut eye too and I instructed the other 3 to leave me alone unless someone was dying. I guess nobody died. It's amazing what a quick nap does for my soul.  It rejuvenates me to the core.

I didn't really even text or talk on the phone.  Except with my twin, Stacy.  That doesn't count.  I never go a day without talking to her.  Life as it should be.

Life shouldn't always be go, go, go.

Today it wasn't.

Not Even 10 O'Clock.

Never a dull moment.

I awoke this morning to a 2 year old standing at my bedside screaming "Eat, eat, eat."  I had been up in the middle of the night so I rolled over.  I wasn't quite ready to face the day yet  Aubrey's cries were unrelenting.  I could hear the desperation in her voice,  please feed me!

The next thing I know  A glass snowman candy dish is being hurdled at my head.  Seriously?  Little Mama wants to eat.  My first reaction was to scream because I mean who expects to be awakened like that.  It's amazing the bowl didn't break because it hit the bed with a large thud.  And to think, I used to complain about Anna waking me up by staring at my face.  I would feel her breath  and open my eyes nose to nose to her face.  Actually, now I think that might not be so bad,  At least it's not like having a bowl thrown at me.

Of course after my scolding a full fledged crying session ensued.  Good morning everyone.  Sheesh.

I'm kind of making excuses for Aubrey I admit it.  But little mama is the fourth child and sometimes she has to be pretty loud to be heard around this crazy house.  This has made her an intense, strong willed little peanut.  Little mama wants to eat. Big mama needs to get her booty out of bed or else....

Pretty cute isn't she?  Don't cross her.  Trust me.

After getting the twins to school we come back to the house, get dressed and get ready to go to the grocery store.  I instruct Aubs and Caroline to go get in the car and I go to my room to get my purse.  I tell you the time lapse was maybe 1 minute and I hear loud crying and helpless screaming.  I go running to the garage to see what's up and I see Caroline dangling from the garage door getting ready to fall to her doom.  She pushed the opener and then jumped on the garage door for a ride to the top.  The very top.

Mischievous I tell ya...

I think we both suffered heart failure at that very moment.  She was pretty shaken up.

I immediately look around to see if anyone witnessed this.  Thankfully nobody.  Mom of the year that's me.  Uncle. Can a girl get a break around this joint?

Geez what a day and it is only 10 o'clock.

Bath time: Introducing Bethany Hamilton...

We take baths everyday at our house.  When we don't I can hear my mother's voice in  my head saying, "Little girls need to have a bath everyday!"

Baths usually come at the end of the day and by that time put a fork in me, I'm done.  I am ready for everyone to be in their jammies winding down for the night.  The finish line is so close yet so far away.

Anna and Brynn take a shower in their bathroom and the babies take a bath in my bath tub across the house from each other.  So between the hours of 6 and 7 you can picture me running between each bathroom "directing".  Okay now rinse, time to get out, girls you are getting too crazy, You still have shampoo in your hair, Caroline share the bath toys with Aubrey, Don't dump water outside the tub.  You get the picture.  It is rather exhausting.

I had Aubrey and Caroline in my big garden tub, like always, and I started thinking about our bath time routine. (I used to be an interesting person I swear) ( Now I analyze bath time.)

To get Caroline to wash and rinse her hair I have to address her as Bethany Hamilton from the movie Soul Surfer. In my best announcer voice, as I rinse her hair I say things like , "Ladies and gentleman, Bethany Hamilton is now catching a wave.  She's now in first place.  Watch her go."  She insists that I refer to Aubrey as Alana Blanchard, Bethany Hamilton's best friend.

When I don't call her Bethany she stands with her hands on her hips and says, "Mama, I'm Bethany."

Bizarre.  But it works.

To get Aubrey to brush her teeth I have to pretend that she is a lion roaring loudly.  That is the only way I can get her to open her mouth wide enough to get her teeth clean. She roars at me at the top of her lungs.  I just hold my ears and go to my happy place.

Strange I know.  What ever works is what we do.  But if you could be a fly on the wall.  Seriously.

Bizarre and pretty funny at the same time.  I guess the end result is clean children so who cares.  I couldn't write some of the stuff that naturally happens at our house.  It's comical.  We do what we gotta do to get the job done and try and have fun in the process.

Caroline

My Dearest Caroline,

I tossed my cookies all the way from Kentucky to Florida and I was just sure it was the fried egg sandwich my Mama had fed me before I left.

I will never forget the day it dawned on me that maybe I was pregnant and those two pink lines came boldly over the stick.  My heart sank at first.  I had been there so full of hope too many times before.  I wanted to be happy but I was scared, I was guarded.

I waited three whole months before telling anyone, not even my Mama.  Three of the longest months of my life.  I felt every pain, every twinge and was just sure it was over before it had even begun...again.  But this time it was different.  Your heart beat was strong and we made it twelve weeks.  Could I?  Could I get excited?

On Mother's Day 2008 I gave my mother a box.  A box with your ultra sound picture in it.  She was in disbelief.

And so it began.  The hoping, planning, nesting.

Caroline Noel Kneisley.  You were our Christmas present.  You didn't want to come out at first but with a little help you arrived.  In full force.  I just remember whispering over and over "Thank you Jesus!"

Your birth taught me not to put God in a box.  The doctors told us you would never be, yet here you were.  A miracle.

When we got in the car to bring you home from the hospital your daddy had the song "Sweet Caroline" blaring over the speakers.  The tears came rolling down my cheeks like a flood.  Tears of joy.  I'm sure many boyfriends in the future will play that song for you, but your daddy played it first.

Your first year I carried you around all day in my Baby Bjorn carrier.  You were happy as a clam in that thing.  You liked to see what was going on and be right in the middle of the action.  I remember the smell of the top of your head like it was yesterday.

You have blossomed into a beautiful little girl.  You are inquisitive and funny and your laugh is infectious. Did you know your teacher told me the other day that you were the one who answers all her questions?  You're smart too.  And you are kind,  so kind to everyone around you.

But mostly you are my buddy.  I adore hanging out with you.  It sounds cliche but you are so similar to me in demeanor and personality. We like the same things.  I love that.

So as we approach your third birthday I want to tell you how much you are loved.  You are loved by your family but most importantly by your Heavenly Father.  Always seek His face.

No matter what life brings your way Daddy and I will be here with open arms. 

So Happy Birthday Boo!  Let's eat cake.  Dora cake!

All my love,
Mama

Cake Pop Hell.

Last week I was looking at Pinterest  (That website always makes me feel totally inadequate by the way).   Caroline climbed on my lap and asked me to click on a picture of a cake pop.  She adores baking.  She begged me to make them for her pre-school class on her birthday.  I said sure and felt my Susie homemaker coming out.  Piece of cake...no pun intended.

Yesterday, she and I went shopping to purchase all the supplies. We went to Michael's and bought the sticks and different sprinkles. Yesterday, we made the little balls and left them to refrigerate overnight.  I was stoked.  I was going to make my little girl so happy and look like a supermom in the process.

Fast forward.  Today I melt the chocolate get the sticks out and we race the clock to get the cake pops done before Aubrey wakes up from her nap and the twins come home from school and I have way too much help.  I start dipping the balls and immediately they start falling apart, then the sticks start poking through the top of the cake ball.  Caroline "helps" me by spilling sprinkles all over the floor.  I had one thought.  I want to take those cake pops and chuck them across the kitchen and run away.  I'm in cake pop hell.  Two days of planning for this????

Okay.  Deep breath.  Plan B.  I suggest to Caroline that we still make the balls but don't put the sticks in them.  She reluctantly agrees.  So I saved our project by the skin of my teeth.  But in no way shape or form do our cake pops, well I guess we have to call them cake balls, look like the ones on the Bakerella website.

I'm okay with that.  I guess.

Sometimes the simplest things seem to become difficult.  Why? 

We sure did make some memories making these and not to mention a gigantic mess! Caroline is thrilled with the way they turned out and she is ready for her birthday snack tomorrow at pre school  That's all that matters.  Again I am humbled.  My ego has been knocked down a few notches.  I'm putting my supermom cape back in the drawer for the day.   I guess I should stick to cooking.  I am way better at that.

On a lighter note, Stacy inspired me to make Christmas shirts which I never would have attempted on my own.  No sewing involved.  Much to my complete surprise they turned out pretty cute and my girls love them!

Two craft projects in a day.  I might kill over.  I think I may have been adopted.  My sisters and my Mama are crafty divas and then there is me.  Stacy and Sarah look more like twins and I didn't get curly hair either.  But I digress.

And now I have to think about cooking dinner after such a traumatic day in the kitchen.....sigh.

Fashionista.

About two years ago my girls started having strong opinions about fashion.  Much to my dismay all the sudden Anna and Brynn didn't approve of the clothes I picked out.  They would get so emotional when I would make them wear something they didn't like.  Mornings became a battle.

You see I am vain.  I really care that my girls leave the house looking put together.  Don't get me wrong, I foremost want them to be nice, smart and love Jesus.  But I do care about their appearance and feel it is a reflection on me.  

I have always admired mothers who could just let their kids pick out anything and wear it.  That's what my mom did.  Her motto was if I thought I was beautiful, that is all that mattered.

I want to be that mom...but then again did I mention I'm vain?

We have come to some compromises in the Kneisley house.  Anna and Brynn can pick out the outfit, but it has to match and be weather and event appropriate.

I figure I just need to teach them.  Teach them to be little fashionistas. As their mother, I want to embrace their style and individuality.  I feel this is especially important when raising twins.

I do have one confession.  I figure that as long as I still buy the clothes I can stack the deck...or drawers if you will.  Stack them with clothes that I like.  I purged all the drawers of stuff that made me cringe when I saw them put it on.  And I have given  up on the hair bows. I love hair bows. There is nothing cuter than a little girl with a giant bow on the top of her head.  Must be the southern girl in me.  My girls oblige me sometimes.  Most days they wear them until they get to school and then take them out.  They always tell me when I pick them up that the hair bow  is in their pocket because it fell out.  Yeah right... it fell out .  Oh well.  Can't win 'em all.

Yesterday Anna and Brynn both came out in these incredible outfits that they picked out themselves.  They have blossomed into little fashionistas.  It just made me realize they are growing up so fast.  I am starting to see distinct beautiful individuals inside and out.

I have had a hard time letting go of control.  When I would ask myself why I cared so much, I always came back to my own struggle with vanity.  Not a good reason to stifle my kids creativity and so not worth the morning quarrels.

Most of all I want them to grow up to be self aware, confident girls who love Jesus with all their hearts.  Fashionistas who love Jesus!

Running.

Saturday morning, all the girls up early, Benji working , sunny skies, what to do, what to do?

Go running with 4 kids of course.

 One thing I have learned with my kiddos is that I will try anything once. It may be a disaster but it's worth a try and it sure beats sitting at home.  If it doesn't work out then we'll chalk it up as an experience.

At first the task was daunting.  Brynn didn't want to leave without her diva, bedazzled sunglasses, Anna had on 5 different pairs of shoes before she found some that tied tight enough. Caroline couldn't understand why she had to ride in the stroller.  I was thinking the whole time...come on already, let's go, and then in the same instance, what am I doing?

However, I feel so much better when I exercise and I want to impart to my girls the importance of a healthy body.

Standing on the driveway with all our hands in a pile..one- two- three-, we screamed "Kneisley Runners!" and we were off. Two toddlers in footie pajamas in a jogging stroller and Anna and Brynn running along side. 

To my surprise the girls kept up with me the whole time.  Anna actually ran ahead of me and I had to tell her to slow down.  (I'm training that girl for a college sports scholarship) Lord knows we will need all help we can get paying for college.  Brynn ran right beside me.  We laughed and encouraged each other.  I kept yelling out,  "We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength!" "We're awesome, we're awesome!" Brynn just rolled her eyes.

Caroline served as our "radio."  She sang renditions on Jingle Bells, Twinkle Twinkle, All The Single Ladies and some original numbers that she made up about people and Christmas decorations.  Her songs were hilarious.  She loved being our iPod and I loved listening to her.  Brynn not so much.  Aubrey, well we were just thankful that our little Aubs was quiet and well behaved.  She sucked on her paci and didn't scream or hit anyone the entire trip.

One great thing about Florida is that it is 65 and sunny this time of year.  Perfect running weather.  No excuse not to go out and enjoy God's creations and that's exactly what we did.

3 miles check.  We finished up our exercise session with sit ups by the couch.  Anna showed me up on that one as well. Even Aubrey got in on the action.

 The girls doing sit ups--

You never know when a fabulous family memory can be made on an ordinary day and that is exactly what happened today.

I am trying to write pages in the book of my girls lives that they will remember--  special times spent together.  I think this is one none of us will forget.

Shannon

Judgement

When I think back at the pompous individual I used to be I cringe. Ben and I were totally the DINK's (double income no kids) sitting next to all you parents at a restaurant discussing how terrible your kids were acting and how our kids would never behave in such a manner.

I was the lady walking down the aisle of the grocery store flashing an unapproving glance at the mother whose toddler was throwing a fit in the floor.

I was the one whispering to my husband to listen to those parents bribing their kids.  What a terrible way to parent I would say.  I will never do that.

Bahahahaha.

I think I have officially done absolutely everything I said I would never do in regards to parenting.

Back before I had kids I seemed to have all the answers.  It is now that I have four kids of my own that I can admit I really know nothing. I am humbled.  I have been given these treasures by the grace of God and I pray everyday that He will help me raise them.

Now I am the woman that some 20 something is glancing unapprovingly at when my toddler darts out into a parking lot or when I can't seem to make my baby sit in a high chair or my twins sass me in public.

My heart has been softened.  I totally bribe my kids at the grocery store with sweet stuff just to make the trip more pleasurable.  And you better believe I am the first person to speak to a mother with a temper tantrumed toddler in public.  I smile reassuringly and say, "I've been there," because I have.  And when I get to that place it is almost 90 percent my fault.  She is throwing a tantrum because I put her to bed late the night before or I skipped nap time to get the grocery shopping done while the others are at school.

So this is an apology.  I was judgemental.   I had no clue.  I didn't know a thing.  I'm sorry.  I still don't know most days.  I do the best I can and pray alot.  I'm learning more with each passing day and each new child.

Mothers we are in this together. Encourage other mothers.  No child is the same and what works for my child might not work for yours.  Judge not lest ye be judged.

And if you have no kids don't say a word. You don't know yet... trust me, your time will come.

And again...I'm sorry.


Shannon

Tired

Okay today I am being totally authentic, transparent and honest.

 I love my children with all my heart but I am tired of kissing boo boos, redirecting a toddler who we affectionately call tornado from emptying every cabinet in my house, stopping unnamed objects from being placed in the toilet, picking up Christmas ornaments off of the floor, acting excited about girls pooping on the potty, reacting to children's artwork like it is the Mona Lisa and should be hung in The Louvre, doing laundry, sweeping the kitchen floor for the 100th time, wiping snotty noses, reminding children to use manners, fixing meals, asking girls to put away their backpacks and finally as I sit here I can see the light revealing the dust on my furniture and I'm tired of thinking I need to dust.  Is that a run on sentence?  I'm tired.  Really tired. 

My almost 2 year old was so needy and whiny today that I finally broke down and put her in the Baby Bjorn carrier just so I could vacuum.  I haven't used that thing since she was a baby and I am fairly sure of two things, she now exceeds the recommended weight limit and I have permanently damaged my back.  But.... I got the vacuuming done and she didn't make a peep.  I'm chalking it up to my exercise for the day.

Oh and I never made it to the shower.  I cringed at the thought of the beautification process.  Today I am embodying the sweat pant mom. No makeup and all.

Okay. Phew. I'm done. I feel better now. 

Did I mention I love my children and I wouldn't trade my job for anything in the world?  A night out with the hubby would be nice though....

Rain

When it rains it pours.  I believe God calls us to dance in the rain.

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”  I absolutely love this quote.  I have kinda adopted it for my life. 

In this life it will rain. Through the rain storms of life we can choose to wallow in despair or we can decide to pull ourselves us by our boot straps and move forward.  Don't get me wrong.  Take some time.  Have your pity party but don't stay there.  Don't let life's struggles define you.

When I am experiencing difficult times I have learned to stop and ask God..."What are you trying to teach me?" I have heard people say the real test of faith is not on the mountain top it is when we are in the trenches.  God created rain. Rain can help refine us.  It can open our eyes to life lessons.... if we let it. 

Also, I am a firm believer that we can take terrible things that happen to us and use them for good.  What do we do when we are in the trenches?  What witness do we bear?  We live in a fallen world and bad things will happen...count on it.  Many times there is a silver lining in life's challenges. We need to ask God to show us. The good news is that Heaven awaits.  There will not be rain in Heaven!

So here is to dancing in the rain.  Let me also say, dancing in the rain is made easier with a strong dependence on Jesus and also some great friends and supportive family members along the way.  God places people in your path for rainy seasons such as these.

This song spoke to my heart.  I hope it speaks to your too.  It has proven true for my life. What if your blessings come through raindrops?

http://youtu.be/1CSVqHcdhXQ

Sanctuary

One great thing my Mama taught me (there were many) was to create a wonderful home environment.  I always loved the feel of my house growing up, especially, around the holidays.  Mama always had decorations for every occasion, seasonal recipes and of course a wreath for every month of the year on the front door.  I remember returning home from college for fall break the first year I was at Milligan.  I pulled into the driveway and let out a deep breath. I was home.  Mama had pumpkins on the porch the smell of fall wafting through the house and she had baked my favorite pumpkin bars.  I was so thankful.  I have tried to adopt ALL of these habits in my own home. 

I have realized in my adult life how important creating a sanctuary my family is.  A place away from the harsh world where we can feel safe and comfortable.  I love to decorate and have tried to put the things I love around me.  It can be small things like a candle burning, a fresh plant or some funky curtains. 

I also try and help my girls rejuvenate.  On the days were we lounge around the house I always make my girls a bed on the couch, with their pillows and favorite blanket.  Who doesn't like to feel all warm and cozy on a lazy day.  For my husband I often make his favorite football snack during a big game.

I can honestly say that when I walk into my house it makes me smile.  I love it.  It is my sanctuary.

We decorated for Christmas yesterday which is something I absolutely adore doing.  Unfortunately, my husband does not share my enthusiasm.  The girls and I sang Christmas carols, decorated the tree. and of course placed the stockings on the mantle with care.  We were even thoughtful enough to put out a decoration for Daddy.  Some blocks the spell out "Bah Humbug!"  Appropriate.

I always want my family to love coming home.   I can't finish this blog without saying my home wouldn't be anything without the people in it. Our relationships are the important part and the surroundings are the icing on the cake.

But as I sit here in my home all decorated for Christmas I never want to underestimate the power of  my surroundings.  I work hard everyday to make them wonderful.

Sometimes I think this gets lost in our crazy society.  Maybe I was born in the wrong era.  But nonetheless, I'm bringing it back. Thanks to my Mama!

Give Thanks

This being Thanksgiving week the song "Give Thanks" has been running through my head.  You know we sing it in church often.  "Give Thanks with a grateful heart, give thanks to the Holy One, give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ His Son."

I was singing this while baking pies today in my mother's kitchen and it got me thinking.  Do I give thanks with a grateful heart on a daily basis? 

 I truly am one blessed soul. 

Do I live a life of thankfulness? 

I know I feel overwhelmingly thankful alot in my life.  God has richly blessed me and my family.  But do I speak it?

I want my kids to know I am thankful for the little things and the big things.  So I made a conscious effort the past few days to speak my thankfulness.  I know it sounds dorky but it constantly reminded me of my blessings.
I know it works because my sweet Caroline told me yesterday she was thankful for our umbrella and car  so we didn't have to get wet in the rain.

So let's allow our thankfulness be contagious and remember anything and everything we have to be thankful for has been given to us by the one who loved us first, Jesus Christ.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Stand still.

If I could make time stand still these days I would.  I am absolutely having the time of my life. I feel like I can breathe again.  I have the time and energy once again to appreciate the small things in life.

I am enjoying ballet classes, toddlers clomping around in my high heels, impromptu spelling tests on the blackboard, girls in the kitchen baking pies with me, dance parties in the living room to the song "Pumped Up Kicks", cooler weather, giggling in the bathtub, afternoon trips to the gas station for Coke icees, bedtime stories, family walks around our neighborhood.  I could go on and on.  I am taking it all in.

I feel incredibly blessed.  I am eternally grateful.

It's not that I didn't enjoy the baby days, but now with an almost 2 year old and almost 3 year old and of course my 7 year olds I am closing a chapter.  The baby chapter.  Most days I'm not all that sad. It's been a good ride but now the real work starts nurturing  and guiding the precious souls which have been entrusted to my care.  Each one unique all of them insanely special and fun.

We are having so much fun.  I love having four daughters.  I love watching sisters interact.  It's priceless.  I love that all my girls can talk to me and each other.  They have so much to say.  I'm listening. 

 I appreciate the small nuances of everyday life.  Lord help me not take them for granted.

Escape

Does anyone feel like it may be easier to escape from a high security prison then get out of your house to run an errand alone?

It has to be just the right circumstances.  One, if not two babies napping which honestly, doesn't happen that much anymore.  Two 7 year olds occupied either watching t.v. or doing homework and someone here to watch all four children.  The best scenario is all 4 in bed for the night with Daddy home to babysit.  Keep in mind for that to occur I would have had to finish dinner, clean up the kitchen, bathed and dressed the kiddos and given some of the 500 goodnight kisses, drinks of water and obliged multiple bathroom trips and still have the energy and desire to step out my front door.

When I do try and get out of the house alone I have toddlers hanging on my legs my twins crying that they never get to go with me and honestly, I usually cave and end of taking at least one of my  girls if not all of them.

Yesterday, I got to go Christmas shopping all by myself.  The whole time I had to talk to myself.  I found myself frantically picking up stuff to buy without really thinking.  That's what I do when the girls are with me.  I had to keep telling myself,  "you have time," "take your time," "you can try that on if you want you are by yourself."  I also found myself still feeling panicked at the thought of toddlers crying for me at home. I must have looked at my watch 100 times to see how long I had been gone.

Ok, I  have to admit as nice as it was to go shopping alone, I truly missed my babies. (My twins were at school).  I was all too anxious to get home and see them.  I know, I know weird isn't it?

Lord, help me take time for myself and not feel guilty about it.  Help me to remind myself that I am doing one of the best things I can for for my family when I take care of my own needs occasionally.  Thank you for giving me an overwhelming love for my children, that even when I do take a break for myself  I want to be with them again.  I can't even imagine the all consuming love you have for us--your children.

Adopt.

My days of infertility were the pits.  The months of trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant were some of the hardest days of my life.  I know it's difficult to believe but I wouldn't trade those days.  When I was going through all that, I tried so hard not to let infertility define me.  It was not easy.  It can become all consuming.  Trust me.  I know.  I thought about it 24/7... 365 for four years.

I wouldn't take any of that time back.  Not a single second.  It has made me who I am today.  It brought me to my lowest point.   It brought me to the place where there was nowhere else to fix my eyes but on Jesus.

I now look at my time in the "pit of infertility" as a ministry.  I think God wants us to take hard times in life and make good out of them, use them to help others.
I pray daily that He will bring people across my path who either need a friend who understands infertility or who wants to talk about adoption.  God is doing just this.  I can count 5 people in the last week he has placed right in my path.  Some are random people who I don't even know very well.  Ask Ben,  I can talk about adoption and infertility for hours.  Don't get me started if you really don't want to talk about it.  They are my passion! Sometimes, when I am in the midst of my stories I feel my honey kick my leg under the table. I get carried away.

I can trade infertility war stories with the best of them, but I much prefer to talk about adoption.  I remember the day I woke up and decided that's enough.  No more.  No more needles, no more heartbreak.  I want to be a mom and I want a happy ending.  I'm adopting. On that day Jesus gave me a peace.  A peace that passed all understanding.
As much as I want to tell people to "just adopt" I know it is not that easy.  Through the adoption process we have gained more joy then we could have ever anticipated and essentially given hope to the hopeless.  Wait, let me re-phrase that, Jesus gave hope to the hopeless, through me and Ben.  I couldn't be more humbled.  God in Heaven chose Anna and Brynn for a better life.  What a privilege and huge responsibility it is to raise them.

I know 100% that was God's plan for my life and my family.  I shudder to think if I had not listened to my Lord and never taken the journey to motherhood through adoption. It is single -handedly the hardest, but the best thing I have ever done in my life. 

With that said, I have to admit I will never regret trying all the fertility treatments.  I never wanted to become too old and wonder...  what if... what if I would have tried.  So try...but keep an open mind.  And know that adoption is not second best.

My two "miracle babies" that the docs told me I would never have followed Anna and Brynn's adoption.  Conceived naturally;)  I can honestly tell you there is no difference in my love for my children.  People ask me that frequently.

This post is also for the people who may be considering adoption and have never suffered through infertility.  You know who you are.  Listen to your hearts.  I am so thankful for the unconventional way God put my family together.  Four beautiful daughters...one lucky mama!

James 1:27

 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

Mate

I have already started praying for Anna, Brynn, Caroline and Aubrey's husbands.  My mother prayed for my husband.  It has hit me recently how important a life partner is.  Someone who will walk beside you in the journey of life.  Someone who compliments your personality traits, will be there when the tough gets going (and it will), and someone who is committed and who possesses a heart for the Lord.

Often, I am so disheartened by children these days.  I watch how parents are raising their children and think are there going to be any nice young men left out there when it's time for my girls to get married?  Am I raising my daughters to be good mother's and wives?

Ben is the perfect mate for me.  In no way does that mean we have the perfect marriage we don't.  Truthfully, if we both didn't love Jesus one of us probably would have been gone a long time ago.  Marriage is tough. 

We were taking a walk yesterday with our daughters.  Anna and Caroline were riding in their red motorized race car and Brynn and Aubrey were riding in their Barbie Jeep.    Ben and I were walking behind, holding hands watching our 4 crazy daughters race down the road.  Ben says to me, "This is more like it." "This is what I pictured when I envisioned taking a walk with my family."  We both laughed.  It has been and continues to be a crazy ride.  No way I could do it by myself. Ben always says if we didn't have four kids we'd be bored.  Ummm...not so sure I am sold on that statement but lucky me that the feels that way.

It hit me at that very moment that through all the good and the bad that God bestowed unto me the perfect mate.  Someone who isn't scared to death of having four kids and who not only tolerates but embraces life with our four daughters.  Ben wants to be present and a part of their everyday lives.  It is so fulfilling to have a husband who cares about being present for soccer games, wants to help with homework and plain 'ole likes hanging out with his family.

Most of all, I have been struck lately that Jesus gave me the perfect mate because he gave me someone who shares my heart for adoption.  Actually, to be honest, Ben was probably the leader in our adoption crusade.  God knew I would need that in my life.

It seems that many of the things we love about our spouse in the courting relationship become things we don't appreciate so much after the wedding bells, thus marriages fall apart.  And believe me, I know from personal experience, that each person brings baggage from their own upbringings to marriage that have to be sorted out.  Ben and I have had our share of hard times, but I love him and he loves me.

So lately, I am on my knees thanking the good Lord  above for my hubby and praying for the best partners to journey through life with my sweeties.  They will need them.