I tossed my cookies all the way from Kentucky to Florida and I was just sure it was the fried egg sandwich my Mama had fed me before I left.
I will never forget the day it dawned on me that maybe I was pregnant and those two pink lines came boldly over the stick. My heart sank at first. I had been there so full of hope too many times before. I wanted to be happy but I was scared, I was guarded.
I waited three whole months before telling anyone, not even my Mama. Three of the longest months of my life. I felt every pain, every twinge and was just sure it was over before it had even begun...again. But this time it was different. Your heart beat was strong and we made it twelve weeks. Could I? Could I get excited?
On Mother's Day 2008 I gave my mother a box. A box with your ultra sound picture in it. She was in disbelief.
And so it began. The hoping, planning, nesting.
Caroline Noel Kneisley. You were our Christmas present. You didn't want to come out at first but with a little help you arrived. In full force. I just remember whispering over and over "Thank you Jesus!"
Your birth taught me not to put God in a box. The doctors told us you would never be, yet here you were. A miracle.
When we got in the car to bring you home from the hospital your daddy had the song "Sweet Caroline" blaring over the speakers. The tears came rolling down my cheeks like a flood. Tears of joy. I'm sure many boyfriends in the future will play that song for you, but your daddy played it first.
Your first year I carried you around all day in my Baby Bjorn carrier. You were happy as a clam in that thing. You liked to see what was going on and be right in the middle of the action. I remember the smell of the top of your head like it was yesterday.
You have blossomed into a beautiful little girl. You are inquisitive and funny and your laugh is infectious. Did you know your teacher told me the other day that you were the one who answers all her questions? You're smart too. And you are kind, so kind to everyone around you.
But mostly you are my buddy. I adore hanging out with you. It sounds cliche but you are so similar to me in demeanor and personality. We like the same things. I love that.
So as we approach your third birthday I want to tell you how much you are loved. You are loved by your family but most importantly by your Heavenly Father. Always seek His face.
No matter what life brings your way Daddy and I will be here with open arms.
So Happy Birthday Boo! Let's eat cake. Dora cake!
All my love,
Mama
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