Monsters

Monsters.

Monsters have been haunting our house for about 2 months now, scaring my poor little Aubrey to death. 

I have told her monsters aren't real. She's not buying it.  She tells me they are like vampires with big teeth.  Where in the world has my three year old seen vampires?    I have told her God is bigger than monsters.  If monsters were real all she would have to say is, "Jesus. Jesus. Jesus." The monsters would have to go away.  Heck, God is so powerful that he had to appear to Moses in a cloud.  His glory was too blinding.  He could trump the monsters.  Aubs is still not buying it.

Tears and terror every. single. night.  This Mama is tired.  You see I've been out of the sleepless nights phase for a while now.  Oh and Lord knows, I have paid my dues there.  Now, I have children who go to bed, stay in bed usually after me loosing my sanity on them following the 5th (ish) trip to the living room and they sleep until approximately 7am give or take. 

This monster thing is causing me to sleep spooning a three year old.  And I have a king size bed. The picture you see on the internet is so dead on.  The mother with literally one leg on the floor and the toddler sleeping horizontally with her arm across the mother's forehead and one leg across her mid section.  That is the perfect visual of me and Aubs lately.  Not to mention there is no sneaking out of my room in the morning for a HOT cup of coffee and some time with my Savior before the littles hit the floor.  Because she always hears me. "Mom, is it morning time?"

Sigh.

However, as batty as I am becoming, tonight's monster conversation was a little too priceless and needed to be recorded. Hence, this blog.

Aubrey: "Mama please do not go to bed.  Stay up all night on the couch. I told you that last night and you went to bed."

Me:  "Aubs, I need sleep too.  I can't stay up all night and not go to bed."

Aubrey:  "Well, please lock my door."

Me:  "Honey, do you really think I would put you in a room where I thought monsters could get you?  I love you more than life itself.  You are totally safe."

Brynn:  "We would protect you with our lives Aubrey."

Me:  "Plus the Bible says nothing about monsters.  They aren't real.  The Bible is the truth and if it isn't in the Bible it's not true."

Anna:  "The Bible talks about demons and devils.  They are real."

Me:  "Anna zip it.  You are not helping."  (Mom eyes follow.)  (Mom eyes are when you open your eyes really wide signaling knock it off.  I have them perfected.)

Me:  "Well, I have a great idea.  I have this monster spray under the kitchen sink.  The monsters hate the way it smells.  So if we spray it all over your room they won't come near it."

Aubs: (Complete silence and skepticism)( She is never silent)

I go and get the spray and begin to spray MONSTER SPRAY (a.k.a. Febreze room spray in lavender scent) Monsters hate it. I spray every nook and cranny of Aubs room.  We started in the hallway leading up to her bedroom door.  We sprayed the window, under the bed , behind the door and in the closet.

I saw sweet relief come over my Aubrey's face.  By golly I think she bought it.  We will see.  I will let you know if she ends up in bed with me.

We put on the Bible verse cd just for safe measure.  God's word is living and powerful and monsters will flee from it.

Nighty night my precious Aubs, Mommy loves you.

2014

The  rain falls fresh on the ground.  The pond rises in my backyard.  My girls stare out the window in hopes that the tears falling from the sky will stop.  Will stop- for a brief moment so they can play.  I woke up this morning wondering if I should begin building an ark.  Will we float away?

I sit in chair sipping cinnamon coffee pondering what the new year will bring.  Giving thanks for the year past.  Thanking God for the lessons learned, the days of refinement that brought me to new heights and new revelations about God, and family and joy.

It washes over me heavy.  I want to focus on joy this year.  Seeing grace and good in the everyday despite feelings and circumstances. The last few years have been burdensome on my shoulders.  My body and soul felt tired most days.  But what have I learned?  I have learned unspeakable joy no matter what is going on in my life, during my time in this fallen world.

We served at Trinity Rescue Mission before Christmas. Ben the girls and I went to serve meals to the homeless.  I want my girls to see the gift of their lives. For that is what it is, a gift from God.  We are not deserving.  We served meals to the faces of hard life and hopelessness through a hot plate of food and something to wash it down.  Most were grateful.  But some were demanding shouting at me, " I have been waiting too long and no food."  Another commented, "This chicken isn't cooked." Walking back to the car Ben commented, "I was surprised how rude some of the people were.  We were handing them free food."   I didn't respond.  That night in the wee hours of the morning a revelation washed over me.  I sat straight up in my bed.  God speaking.  "I give you a life. A life abundant and you complain.  It's not good enough. You want more. How is that any different?"   Don't we do the same thing to God in our lives?  We say thanks but no thanks. We complain.

I am determined to live differently. To train my eyes to see the good--The God in every moment of life. At first it feels mechanical but giving thanks in hard moments softens hearts.  It's a discipline that takes practice and work but becomes more natural over time.  I am committing to practice this year. Every day.

"The practice of giving thanks, this is the way we practice the presence of God, stay present to His presence, and it  is always a practice of the eyes. We don't have to change what we see.  Only the way we see it."--- Ann Voskamp

And if you haven't read the book 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I highly recommend it.  It has changed my life.  I gave her book to everyone I know at Christmas this year.

Prayer.

My other resolve.  I began mid fall taking prayer more seriously.  Kneeling daily petitioning The King on others behalves.  It astounded me how much God listened and answered.  People healed from cancer. Relationships mended. The gift of boldness bestowed.  He hears.  But me, I don't believe that He will answer. He does. Oh ye of little faith. God thank you for showing me you hear me and answer me.  A group of girls and I started a prayer group this fall.  We learned about the disciplines of prayer and I found such joy praying for and with the wonderful ladies in my group.  God is growing and stretching me.

I am beginning a Bible study on prayer next week. I want to learn to kneel,  my face on the floor before God,  before I talk or worry.  That is my wish this year.

I am being molded into the person God desires me to be slowly but surely.  I realize how each moment, hard or happy rubs off my rough edges, refining me. All moments-- God ordained.  May I be able to teach this to my daughters so that they may learn early in life.

Alright 2014, let's see what you've got. May I receive the moments prayerfully, finding joy and grace.

Some highlights of our advent season.

And God is a God with a sense of humor.   He gives me a chance to practice what I type, even before this blog is published.  My girls sit at the breakfast table fighting. Caroline spills.  Aubrey falls off the bench hitting her head on the floor.  Thank you Lord for my children, for another day with them around my breakfast table.  Thank you for our daily bread.