2014

The  rain falls fresh on the ground.  The pond rises in my backyard.  My girls stare out the window in hopes that the tears falling from the sky will stop.  Will stop- for a brief moment so they can play.  I woke up this morning wondering if I should begin building an ark.  Will we float away?

I sit in chair sipping cinnamon coffee pondering what the new year will bring.  Giving thanks for the year past.  Thanking God for the lessons learned, the days of refinement that brought me to new heights and new revelations about God, and family and joy.

It washes over me heavy.  I want to focus on joy this year.  Seeing grace and good in the everyday despite feelings and circumstances. The last few years have been burdensome on my shoulders.  My body and soul felt tired most days.  But what have I learned?  I have learned unspeakable joy no matter what is going on in my life, during my time in this fallen world.

We served at Trinity Rescue Mission before Christmas. Ben the girls and I went to serve meals to the homeless.  I want my girls to see the gift of their lives. For that is what it is, a gift from God.  We are not deserving.  We served meals to the faces of hard life and hopelessness through a hot plate of food and something to wash it down.  Most were grateful.  But some were demanding shouting at me, " I have been waiting too long and no food."  Another commented, "This chicken isn't cooked." Walking back to the car Ben commented, "I was surprised how rude some of the people were.  We were handing them free food."   I didn't respond.  That night in the wee hours of the morning a revelation washed over me.  I sat straight up in my bed.  God speaking.  "I give you a life. A life abundant and you complain.  It's not good enough. You want more. How is that any different?"   Don't we do the same thing to God in our lives?  We say thanks but no thanks. We complain.

I am determined to live differently. To train my eyes to see the good--The God in every moment of life. At first it feels mechanical but giving thanks in hard moments softens hearts.  It's a discipline that takes practice and work but becomes more natural over time.  I am committing to practice this year. Every day.

"The practice of giving thanks, this is the way we practice the presence of God, stay present to His presence, and it  is always a practice of the eyes. We don't have to change what we see.  Only the way we see it."--- Ann Voskamp

And if you haven't read the book 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I highly recommend it.  It has changed my life.  I gave her book to everyone I know at Christmas this year.

Prayer.

My other resolve.  I began mid fall taking prayer more seriously.  Kneeling daily petitioning The King on others behalves.  It astounded me how much God listened and answered.  People healed from cancer. Relationships mended. The gift of boldness bestowed.  He hears.  But me, I don't believe that He will answer. He does. Oh ye of little faith. God thank you for showing me you hear me and answer me.  A group of girls and I started a prayer group this fall.  We learned about the disciplines of prayer and I found such joy praying for and with the wonderful ladies in my group.  God is growing and stretching me.

I am beginning a Bible study on prayer next week. I want to learn to kneel,  my face on the floor before God,  before I talk or worry.  That is my wish this year.

I am being molded into the person God desires me to be slowly but surely.  I realize how each moment, hard or happy rubs off my rough edges, refining me. All moments-- God ordained.  May I be able to teach this to my daughters so that they may learn early in life.

Alright 2014, let's see what you've got. May I receive the moments prayerfully, finding joy and grace.

Some highlights of our advent season.

And God is a God with a sense of humor.   He gives me a chance to practice what I type, even before this blog is published.  My girls sit at the breakfast table fighting. Caroline spills.  Aubrey falls off the bench hitting her head on the floor.  Thank you Lord for my children, for another day with them around my breakfast table.  Thank you for our daily bread.