Rain

When it rains it pours.  I believe God calls us to dance in the rain.

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”  I absolutely love this quote.  I have kinda adopted it for my life. 

In this life it will rain. Through the rain storms of life we can choose to wallow in despair or we can decide to pull ourselves us by our boot straps and move forward.  Don't get me wrong.  Take some time.  Have your pity party but don't stay there.  Don't let life's struggles define you.

When I am experiencing difficult times I have learned to stop and ask God..."What are you trying to teach me?" I have heard people say the real test of faith is not on the mountain top it is when we are in the trenches.  God created rain. Rain can help refine us.  It can open our eyes to life lessons.... if we let it. 

Also, I am a firm believer that we can take terrible things that happen to us and use them for good.  What do we do when we are in the trenches?  What witness do we bear?  We live in a fallen world and bad things will happen...count on it.  Many times there is a silver lining in life's challenges. We need to ask God to show us. The good news is that Heaven awaits.  There will not be rain in Heaven!

So here is to dancing in the rain.  Let me also say, dancing in the rain is made easier with a strong dependence on Jesus and also some great friends and supportive family members along the way.  God places people in your path for rainy seasons such as these.

This song spoke to my heart.  I hope it speaks to your too.  It has proven true for my life. What if your blessings come through raindrops?

http://youtu.be/1CSVqHcdhXQ

Sanctuary

One great thing my Mama taught me (there were many) was to create a wonderful home environment.  I always loved the feel of my house growing up, especially, around the holidays.  Mama always had decorations for every occasion, seasonal recipes and of course a wreath for every month of the year on the front door.  I remember returning home from college for fall break the first year I was at Milligan.  I pulled into the driveway and let out a deep breath. I was home.  Mama had pumpkins on the porch the smell of fall wafting through the house and she had baked my favorite pumpkin bars.  I was so thankful.  I have tried to adopt ALL of these habits in my own home. 

I have realized in my adult life how important creating a sanctuary my family is.  A place away from the harsh world where we can feel safe and comfortable.  I love to decorate and have tried to put the things I love around me.  It can be small things like a candle burning, a fresh plant or some funky curtains. 

I also try and help my girls rejuvenate.  On the days were we lounge around the house I always make my girls a bed on the couch, with their pillows and favorite blanket.  Who doesn't like to feel all warm and cozy on a lazy day.  For my husband I often make his favorite football snack during a big game.

I can honestly say that when I walk into my house it makes me smile.  I love it.  It is my sanctuary.

We decorated for Christmas yesterday which is something I absolutely adore doing.  Unfortunately, my husband does not share my enthusiasm.  The girls and I sang Christmas carols, decorated the tree. and of course placed the stockings on the mantle with care.  We were even thoughtful enough to put out a decoration for Daddy.  Some blocks the spell out "Bah Humbug!"  Appropriate.

I always want my family to love coming home.   I can't finish this blog without saying my home wouldn't be anything without the people in it. Our relationships are the important part and the surroundings are the icing on the cake.

But as I sit here in my home all decorated for Christmas I never want to underestimate the power of  my surroundings.  I work hard everyday to make them wonderful.

Sometimes I think this gets lost in our crazy society.  Maybe I was born in the wrong era.  But nonetheless, I'm bringing it back. Thanks to my Mama!

Give Thanks

This being Thanksgiving week the song "Give Thanks" has been running through my head.  You know we sing it in church often.  "Give Thanks with a grateful heart, give thanks to the Holy One, give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ His Son."

I was singing this while baking pies today in my mother's kitchen and it got me thinking.  Do I give thanks with a grateful heart on a daily basis? 

 I truly am one blessed soul. 

Do I live a life of thankfulness? 

I know I feel overwhelmingly thankful alot in my life.  God has richly blessed me and my family.  But do I speak it?

I want my kids to know I am thankful for the little things and the big things.  So I made a conscious effort the past few days to speak my thankfulness.  I know it sounds dorky but it constantly reminded me of my blessings.
I know it works because my sweet Caroline told me yesterday she was thankful for our umbrella and car  so we didn't have to get wet in the rain.

So let's allow our thankfulness be contagious and remember anything and everything we have to be thankful for has been given to us by the one who loved us first, Jesus Christ.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Stand still.

If I could make time stand still these days I would.  I am absolutely having the time of my life. I feel like I can breathe again.  I have the time and energy once again to appreciate the small things in life.

I am enjoying ballet classes, toddlers clomping around in my high heels, impromptu spelling tests on the blackboard, girls in the kitchen baking pies with me, dance parties in the living room to the song "Pumped Up Kicks", cooler weather, giggling in the bathtub, afternoon trips to the gas station for Coke icees, bedtime stories, family walks around our neighborhood.  I could go on and on.  I am taking it all in.

I feel incredibly blessed.  I am eternally grateful.

It's not that I didn't enjoy the baby days, but now with an almost 2 year old and almost 3 year old and of course my 7 year olds I am closing a chapter.  The baby chapter.  Most days I'm not all that sad. It's been a good ride but now the real work starts nurturing  and guiding the precious souls which have been entrusted to my care.  Each one unique all of them insanely special and fun.

We are having so much fun.  I love having four daughters.  I love watching sisters interact.  It's priceless.  I love that all my girls can talk to me and each other.  They have so much to say.  I'm listening. 

 I appreciate the small nuances of everyday life.  Lord help me not take them for granted.

Escape

Does anyone feel like it may be easier to escape from a high security prison then get out of your house to run an errand alone?

It has to be just the right circumstances.  One, if not two babies napping which honestly, doesn't happen that much anymore.  Two 7 year olds occupied either watching t.v. or doing homework and someone here to watch all four children.  The best scenario is all 4 in bed for the night with Daddy home to babysit.  Keep in mind for that to occur I would have had to finish dinner, clean up the kitchen, bathed and dressed the kiddos and given some of the 500 goodnight kisses, drinks of water and obliged multiple bathroom trips and still have the energy and desire to step out my front door.

When I do try and get out of the house alone I have toddlers hanging on my legs my twins crying that they never get to go with me and honestly, I usually cave and end of taking at least one of my  girls if not all of them.

Yesterday, I got to go Christmas shopping all by myself.  The whole time I had to talk to myself.  I found myself frantically picking up stuff to buy without really thinking.  That's what I do when the girls are with me.  I had to keep telling myself,  "you have time," "take your time," "you can try that on if you want you are by yourself."  I also found myself still feeling panicked at the thought of toddlers crying for me at home. I must have looked at my watch 100 times to see how long I had been gone.

Ok, I  have to admit as nice as it was to go shopping alone, I truly missed my babies. (My twins were at school).  I was all too anxious to get home and see them.  I know, I know weird isn't it?

Lord, help me take time for myself and not feel guilty about it.  Help me to remind myself that I am doing one of the best things I can for for my family when I take care of my own needs occasionally.  Thank you for giving me an overwhelming love for my children, that even when I do take a break for myself  I want to be with them again.  I can't even imagine the all consuming love you have for us--your children.

Adopt.

My days of infertility were the pits.  The months of trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant were some of the hardest days of my life.  I know it's difficult to believe but I wouldn't trade those days.  When I was going through all that, I tried so hard not to let infertility define me.  It was not easy.  It can become all consuming.  Trust me.  I know.  I thought about it 24/7... 365 for four years.

I wouldn't take any of that time back.  Not a single second.  It has made me who I am today.  It brought me to my lowest point.   It brought me to the place where there was nowhere else to fix my eyes but on Jesus.

I now look at my time in the "pit of infertility" as a ministry.  I think God wants us to take hard times in life and make good out of them, use them to help others.
I pray daily that He will bring people across my path who either need a friend who understands infertility or who wants to talk about adoption.  God is doing just this.  I can count 5 people in the last week he has placed right in my path.  Some are random people who I don't even know very well.  Ask Ben,  I can talk about adoption and infertility for hours.  Don't get me started if you really don't want to talk about it.  They are my passion! Sometimes, when I am in the midst of my stories I feel my honey kick my leg under the table. I get carried away.

I can trade infertility war stories with the best of them, but I much prefer to talk about adoption.  I remember the day I woke up and decided that's enough.  No more.  No more needles, no more heartbreak.  I want to be a mom and I want a happy ending.  I'm adopting. On that day Jesus gave me a peace.  A peace that passed all understanding.
As much as I want to tell people to "just adopt" I know it is not that easy.  Through the adoption process we have gained more joy then we could have ever anticipated and essentially given hope to the hopeless.  Wait, let me re-phrase that, Jesus gave hope to the hopeless, through me and Ben.  I couldn't be more humbled.  God in Heaven chose Anna and Brynn for a better life.  What a privilege and huge responsibility it is to raise them.

I know 100% that was God's plan for my life and my family.  I shudder to think if I had not listened to my Lord and never taken the journey to motherhood through adoption. It is single -handedly the hardest, but the best thing I have ever done in my life. 

With that said, I have to admit I will never regret trying all the fertility treatments.  I never wanted to become too old and wonder...  what if... what if I would have tried.  So try...but keep an open mind.  And know that adoption is not second best.

My two "miracle babies" that the docs told me I would never have followed Anna and Brynn's adoption.  Conceived naturally;)  I can honestly tell you there is no difference in my love for my children.  People ask me that frequently.

This post is also for the people who may be considering adoption and have never suffered through infertility.  You know who you are.  Listen to your hearts.  I am so thankful for the unconventional way God put my family together.  Four beautiful daughters...one lucky mama!

James 1:27

 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

Mate

I have already started praying for Anna, Brynn, Caroline and Aubrey's husbands.  My mother prayed for my husband.  It has hit me recently how important a life partner is.  Someone who will walk beside you in the journey of life.  Someone who compliments your personality traits, will be there when the tough gets going (and it will), and someone who is committed and who possesses a heart for the Lord.

Often, I am so disheartened by children these days.  I watch how parents are raising their children and think are there going to be any nice young men left out there when it's time for my girls to get married?  Am I raising my daughters to be good mother's and wives?

Ben is the perfect mate for me.  In no way does that mean we have the perfect marriage we don't.  Truthfully, if we both didn't love Jesus one of us probably would have been gone a long time ago.  Marriage is tough. 

We were taking a walk yesterday with our daughters.  Anna and Caroline were riding in their red motorized race car and Brynn and Aubrey were riding in their Barbie Jeep.    Ben and I were walking behind, holding hands watching our 4 crazy daughters race down the road.  Ben says to me, "This is more like it." "This is what I pictured when I envisioned taking a walk with my family."  We both laughed.  It has been and continues to be a crazy ride.  No way I could do it by myself. Ben always says if we didn't have four kids we'd be bored.  Ummm...not so sure I am sold on that statement but lucky me that the feels that way.

It hit me at that very moment that through all the good and the bad that God bestowed unto me the perfect mate.  Someone who isn't scared to death of having four kids and who not only tolerates but embraces life with our four daughters.  Ben wants to be present and a part of their everyday lives.  It is so fulfilling to have a husband who cares about being present for soccer games, wants to help with homework and plain 'ole likes hanging out with his family.

Most of all, I have been struck lately that Jesus gave me the perfect mate because he gave me someone who shares my heart for adoption.  Actually, to be honest, Ben was probably the leader in our adoption crusade.  God knew I would need that in my life.

It seems that many of the things we love about our spouse in the courting relationship become things we don't appreciate so much after the wedding bells, thus marriages fall apart.  And believe me, I know from personal experience, that each person brings baggage from their own upbringings to marriage that have to be sorted out.  Ben and I have had our share of hard times, but I love him and he loves me.

So lately, I am on my knees thanking the good Lord  above for my hubby and praying for the best partners to journey through life with my sweeties.  They will need them.