Adopt.

My days of infertility were the pits.  The months of trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant were some of the hardest days of my life.  I know it's difficult to believe but I wouldn't trade those days.  When I was going through all that, I tried so hard not to let infertility define me.  It was not easy.  It can become all consuming.  Trust me.  I know.  I thought about it 24/7... 365 for four years.

I wouldn't take any of that time back.  Not a single second.  It has made me who I am today.  It brought me to my lowest point.   It brought me to the place where there was nowhere else to fix my eyes but on Jesus.

I now look at my time in the "pit of infertility" as a ministry.  I think God wants us to take hard times in life and make good out of them, use them to help others.
I pray daily that He will bring people across my path who either need a friend who understands infertility or who wants to talk about adoption.  God is doing just this.  I can count 5 people in the last week he has placed right in my path.  Some are random people who I don't even know very well.  Ask Ben,  I can talk about adoption and infertility for hours.  Don't get me started if you really don't want to talk about it.  They are my passion! Sometimes, when I am in the midst of my stories I feel my honey kick my leg under the table. I get carried away.

I can trade infertility war stories with the best of them, but I much prefer to talk about adoption.  I remember the day I woke up and decided that's enough.  No more.  No more needles, no more heartbreak.  I want to be a mom and I want a happy ending.  I'm adopting. On that day Jesus gave me a peace.  A peace that passed all understanding.
As much as I want to tell people to "just adopt" I know it is not that easy.  Through the adoption process we have gained more joy then we could have ever anticipated and essentially given hope to the hopeless.  Wait, let me re-phrase that, Jesus gave hope to the hopeless, through me and Ben.  I couldn't be more humbled.  God in Heaven chose Anna and Brynn for a better life.  What a privilege and huge responsibility it is to raise them.

I know 100% that was God's plan for my life and my family.  I shudder to think if I had not listened to my Lord and never taken the journey to motherhood through adoption. It is single -handedly the hardest, but the best thing I have ever done in my life. 

With that said, I have to admit I will never regret trying all the fertility treatments.  I never wanted to become too old and wonder...  what if... what if I would have tried.  So try...but keep an open mind.  And know that adoption is not second best.

My two "miracle babies" that the docs told me I would never have followed Anna and Brynn's adoption.  Conceived naturally;)  I can honestly tell you there is no difference in my love for my children.  People ask me that frequently.

This post is also for the people who may be considering adoption and have never suffered through infertility.  You know who you are.  Listen to your hearts.  I am so thankful for the unconventional way God put my family together.  Four beautiful daughters...one lucky mama!

James 1:27

 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.