I got out of the shower this evening and Aubrey and Caroline were waiting for me, ready to execute the post bath routine. All by themselves. They dried me off, brushed my hair and helped me pick out my jammies. Just like I have done for them countless times before. I have had many deep conversations this week with Aubrey. I am enjoying our one on one time. She is using words like might and privilege. Caroline goes to school three days a week and never cries when I leave. In her classroom she unpacks her book bag and puts her snack on the shelf. So different from last year when the teachers would peel her off my leg every morning. Today Caroline asked me if she could eat her cereal out of a glass bowl. Gulp. As much as I have longed for these days during the hard times, now that they are here I honestly haven't quite figured out how I feel about them.
Anna and Brynn can totally unload the dishwasher and learn their spelling words without help. They get up in the morning and pick out their own clothes and get dressed. This morning Anna poured cereal and milk (without spilling it) in bowls for all her sisters. They read chapter books before bed instead of thumbing through picture books. That's big girl stuff. They are having their first sleep over this Friday night. (Prayers appreciated) I am already brainstorming how I can make my house the most fun house on the block so this is where my girls and their friends want to congregate.
This week we verbally promised our toddler beds to our neighbors. I just sat in the babies room last night staring at their nursery and the beds, picturing big girl beds in their place. I gazed at the toddler beds that all my girls have slept in. My mom told me when it was time to move Anna and Brynn out of them that, "Keeping them in toddler beds won't keep them little." She's right. I guess it's the same for Aubrey and Caroline. Nonetheless, I have a pit in my stomach.
As I was pondering how big they are I also thought of how small they still seem. They will always be my babies. They still need their boo boos kissed and they like to sit on my lap and tell me about their day. Aubrey still loves to be wrapped in her blankie and rocked. Caroline still needs me to brush her teeth for her and scratch her back before bedtime. They all still bust a move oblivious to present company, no matter where we are when their favorite song comes on the radio. (Although, I have adult friends who do this as well...who will remain nameless...ahem...Tempa) Anna never seemed littler than when I left her at a new school this year. Brynn still dresses up everyday in some costume and plays make believe. And they all still go crazy over bubbles.
I know we raise our children to be independent and to have confidence and spread their wings but when they do it stings a little. Do they still need me? The answer is yes. They will always need me just in different ways and that's okay.
I have had a house full of little ones for a while now and this is new territory for me. I have been a breastfeeding, diaper changing, care taking fool for the past few years. I am reevaluating my role. It is bitter sweet.
Brynn told me something we were talking about today, "Was so last year." Oh if only she was 2 again.
My advice to you...cherish each day as a gift, don't wish away stages even when it's hard. Make your motto, "No regrets."
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Proverbs 22:6
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