A month prior, I was sitting in church listening to a sermon about life and what we do with the lessons we learn through the hard times. "What do we do with our time in the pit?", the preacher asked. I thought about how many years I had spent in the pit of infertility, feeling so alone. I kept thinking about how I could be an encouragement to others going through the same trials. How do I reach others who need to hear my story? I had fleeting visions of writing a book but it seemed so far fetched. I didn't know where to begin.
A couple weeks passed and I prayed and thought about it more. I couldn't seem to get it off my heart and mind. I decided a much more attainable goal would be to write a blog. I hadn't told anyone about my plans in fear they would think I was silly. I called my sister Sarah one night and told her about how I felt like God had told me to write something but I was scared. She encouraged me. "Do it sister," she prompted. Stepping out on faith is hard.
I sat at the keyboard somewhat paralyzed. I had so much to say, so much to share about life, revelations, lessons, trials but I didn't know where to begin. I prayed that God would help me. I started to type. It all came pouring out. It felt so natural.
Time to push send. I was about to publish my private life and feelings on the internet. I questioned. God told me to do this, He will protect me right? Will people think I'm stupid? What if I misspell words and use incorrect grammar? Why would someone want to read about my life? I pushed send and there it was. My first blog post out there for the world to see. I felt somewhat exposed.
I was shocked. People read it and thanked me for writing it. Motherhood seemed to be a great topic. It's a roller coaster ride. People could relate to things happening in my home. God knew this would be the case. I did not. I took Caroline to school one day and had 5 people stop and comment on my honesty in the blog Parenting Fail (August 2011). I was still in awe that God could use me in this way.
Also, I enjoy that fact that I am journaling about our lives, deliberately. I want my girls to have a record of our family happenings to keep for years. If I'm being honest it is therapy for me. One of my favorite times of day is sitting down after the girls are asleep with a cup of hot tea, in a quiet house, thinking about my day and writing about it. Oh who am I fooling? Sometimes, I write during the day while my kids are awake. I neglect dishes and laundry and child rearing and let the little ones destroy every inch of my house. Nevertheless, writing has allowed me to process my feelings and thoughts about the life God has given me. I vow to always be transparent and not only write about the good days. That's not reality.
After publishing a few more posts I decided to write the one post I had started this blog to write. The post about infertility and adoption. I wanted to share my story so that others who were going through it could feel the hope. It was so personal. I re read the post 25 times before publishing and called both my sisters after I hit send.
I was overwhelmed at the response. God was using my experience to help others. I obeyed and He used me. The devil tried to fill my mind with doubt and many times I had to bring my thoughts into submission.
Almost a year to the day from posting my first blog, (Jan 6, 2012) my daughter Caroline was admitted to PICU and was fighting for her life with a massive infection. I now know that God had other purposes for my blog as well. I had people tell me that though they had never met me they felt personally connected to me and my family because of The Kneisley Nest Blog. They said they would pray for my sweet Caroline and they did. It is amazing to see how God weaves and winds things to be perfect for His purposes and in His time He protects us always in ways we can never fathom.
God's purposes are perfect in our life. Be willing to step out and listen to Him. What is He telling you to do? Are you listening? Thanks for reading my blog. Seriously. It's much more fun experiencing motherhood with others. You all brighten my days with your sweet comments and shared stories. I am humbled.
"Teach me to do what you want, because you are my God. Let your spirit lead me on level ground." Psalm 143:10
And for the sake of journaling, My littlest muffin put her own shoes on today. I bent down to do it and she took the shoe right out of my hand and slipped it on the wrong foot. I didn't change it. She was so proud. We sat there squealing and clapping. Her smile spoke volumes without any words. Looking forward to Aubrey's second birthday coming up in a couple weeks. Little Mama is growing up quickly. Stop it. Seriously, stop it. I am already tearing up thinking of the 2nd birthday post I want to write her.
Boo boo compliments of a nose plant on the driveway. Tough Little Mama:
Caroline update: No new news is good news I guess. We are rockin this nurse/ patient thing. We have three doctors appointments over the next two days so I will probably know more after that. Thanks for caring.
Go Russell Baseball. We are true fans in this house. Our Pop is the coach:
Nugget for the day. God takes care of us people. Truly. Don't ever doubt it.
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