Quiet Clarity

Long drive back over the bridge.  Just dropped my third child off at preschool.  Sigh.  Unusual not to have Aubrey in the car with me too, but she stayed home with Daddy.  A feeling of anxiousness envelops me.

I begin to pray.

"Lord, I pray over my children this morning.  I pray that you protect them while they are away from me.  I pray that you will help them to find friends that will make their days brighter, I pray that they can be a gentle touch to someone who needs it or comic relief to a teacher who is having a bad day.  I pray that they learn what they need to learn this year, in school but also in life.  I pray that I can help them learn those "oh so important" life lessons.  Lord, please equip me as a mother to help me to be a tender place to fall but  firm when necessary.  Help me to know when to speak and offer my opinion and when to listen and let my children figure things out on their own.  Give me patience with homework, and learning disabilities and crazy toddlers.  Help me to remember that having one child at home doesn't mean I have to get more done.  Help me to put aside chores to spend quality time with Aubrey.  Help me to nurture her and focus on her needs. Help me to be a daily example of your peace and kindness and love. I thank you for my children and what joy they bring to me. I thank you for designing them to rub off my rough edges as well. Lessons are reciprocal. You designed it that way... perfectly. Lord with the extra time I have at home while my kids are in school, use me. Use me to bless others. Allow others to cross my path that may need encouragement or a friend. Reveal your purposes. I give you my life. Use it as you will.   Lord, I pray for our family this year. I thank you in advance for the fun we will share and I also pray that you will help us weather any storms that come our way.  I love you with all my heart.  I entrust my girls to you Lord.  Amen."

Wow.  The clarity that comes in a quiet car. I don't experience it often.

May I use my extra "car time" this year to rest quietly in you.  Let the rat race begin.

Caroline Noel. First day of Preschool

The Sock Drawer.

Today, I have realized one thing.  I do alot of jobs around here that no one else thinks about or cares about.  Now, men that read my blog, before you click the X at the top of your screen maybe you should continue reading.  Brownie points...ya know.

What did I do today?  I wiped out the fridge, did laundry and  bought Aubrey some ballet shoes. I picked up noodles and then granola bar off of the kitchen floor and cleaned dried food off of the highchair. The most exciting thing I did today is I bought new underwear and socks for my children and cleaned out their sock drawers. Blah, blah, blah.  I know.  I am a nut job or maybe this "stay at home mom thing" is making me rather boring. Did I mention I used to run a business?   Let me explain. I save odd socks all year.  I just know that I will find the match and that if I throw an odd sock away, I won't have it when I need it.  We have a sock monster that lives in our house.  He eats one of virtually every pair of socks that are purchased.  Consequently, my girls drawers are full of odd socks that make the drawer look messy.  Literally, every day for 6 months I have opened the sock drawer and thought to myself, "I really need to clean out this drawer."  Today I did.  I got a big 'ole garbage bag and dumped the whole lot of odd socks in the trash.  It was liberating. I folded all the new white socks neatly in the drawer (Yes, for the next couple of days they will be white)  and smiled triumphantly.  I did the same to the underwear drawer.  How my children's underwear end up looking l like they have been through 100 mud runs are beyond me but I replaced them today.  Satisfaction I tell ya.  And then it occurred to me.   I spend countless hours doing jobs around our home that nobody notices, but that matter.

It takes so much to get kiddos back to school.  Shoes, clothes, school supplies, physicals, forms galore and so on and so on.  Mothers do so much little stuff that is often off the radar.

I did alot of research, worrying and praying about my daughter Anna changing schools  She had to be evaluated, have reference forms completed,  have a physical done, she needed uniforms--all monogrammed with the schools logo. I talked to the headmaster numerous times on the phone and made many visits to pay deposits and tuition.  It has been alot of sweat and tears. 

Yesterday, Ben went to pick Anna up from school.   When they arrived home I was folding laundry in the bedroom and Ben came in and simply said, "Shan good job.  I haven't seen Anna that happy or with that much confidence in a long time.  Good job, Shannon Rae."   I about fell over.  People, that meant the world to me.  He noticed and thanked me.  Anna's success would have been thanks enough for my efforts but it was so great to hear.

So to all the men out there, sorry if you are bored to tears with this post.  Thanks for not tuning me out.  Thank your wife.  She does alot of jobs that go unnoticed and honestly are often undone shortly after she completes them.

And ladies great job.  I know the little jobs you do that go unnoticed.  They matter.  Go clean out the sock drawer.  It's a great feeling.

On a happy note...Aubrey started ballet today.  Be still my heart.  Cutest. Ballerina. Ever.  She didn't dance much, but boy did she look the part.  The whole fam went to support.  She basically spent the entire class waving to us through the window.

Hello August.

I wouldn't be truthful if I didn't say that in June I was dreading summer just a little.  The thought of keeping four little ones occupied, fed, the house tidied with no break was daunting.  But boy was I wrong.  We had a fabulous summer.  The best one to date!  Actually, I cannot believe I am saying, "Hello August!"

School starts this week.  I have mixed emotions.  I crave routine and schedules but there is something incredibly refreshing about letting the kids stay up later, not worrying about homework and lazy days  by the pool.

Trying to grab a hold of the various seasons of life.  Savor the sights, smells and memories. Summer is one of my favorites.  One can never swim too much, get a dark enough tan or eat too many ice cream cones.  Oh and let's not forget sweet tea.  My favorite.

We have been very blessed this summer.  So fun to sit with the girls before they go to bed and reminisce about our summer adventures.  We often ask, "What was the high point of your day, what was the low point?"  We just returned from a vacation with my parents.  So there were many high points for my girls to discuss.  Yes, if you are thinking we are mooching off of our parents it's true.  Our fabulous vacations are often made possible because of their generosity.  Thank you. xoxo

I'm itching for fall.  I have to "play" fall here in  Florida.  It is really still summer here until almost November but I hang up my fall wreaths, put out my fall Yankee candle and bake everything under the sun that includes the ingredient pumpkin.  It is a symbol of school starting, fall soccer games, football season and the anticipation of new teachers, new classmates and this year for my sweet Anna, a new school.

I have prayed long and hard about Anna changing schools. My heart is heavy. She has struggled and we have found a perfect place to help catch her up, and rebuild her confidence.  She will be starting at a new school on Monday.  We are excited for the opportunities that this new school holds for her, however, it is new territory for us.  She will be separated from her twin sister Brynn.  So we shall see.

Yes, and if you are wondering I will be running around like a crazy woman. What a mother will do for her children.   If you need me I will be in the car.  Mama's taxi.  Brynn's school starts at 8:00, Anna's at 8:30 and Caroline's at 9:00.  So I will have to be on my toes!

Caroline returns to school for the first time since her illness.  She is super excited  I am super nervous.  She will be fine but I have hovered over that sweet girl and it's time to give her some space.  I pray God's protection over her.  My family teared up often this past week watching her swim her heart out.  My Dad kept saying, "I can't believe this is the same little girl."  She has come far, but we can't forget, it's still fresh in our minds. She will be in the same class as her cousin Clara.  Stacy and I have already started praying for their teachers. They will need it!  I am considering buying them some ear plugs.  Those two kiddos are loud and when they are together... forget it.

Brynn is returning to elementary school.  She has excelled there.  I can't believe she will be in third grade.

Little Mama...aka Aubrey will be enjoying some one on one time.  She is starting ballet in the tots class this year.  It truly is all she talks about...oh and her birthday which she tells us is coming up soon...February... but who's counting.  She does a mean twirl to Lionel Richie's "Ballerina Girl."

In the next pic Aubs is sporting her tutu, soccer socks and her sister's swim medals.  Priceless.

Looking forward to the first day of school for my chicks.  Time to leave the nest once again.

May The Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you.

May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.

Restraint

I turned thirty six this summer.  Instead of panicking about getting older, I am trying to focus on myself, how I've changed over the years and what I have learned, what I need to improve.  Specifically, how I have changed in regards to becoming more like Christ.  This past year, I have had my feet to the fire so to speak.  I have definitely gone through some struggles that have helped refine me.  Refiner's fire. But through the fire I have learned some incredible lessons.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  James 1:2

As I was pondering some important things I have learned this year I started thinking about restraint.  Restraint of the tongue specifically.  Sometimes people we just don't need to say it. This is a great challenge.  In essence if we can master our tongues then we can master out entire bodies We instruct our bodies through words whether spoken or through thoughts therefore, if we control our words we can control our bodies.

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Three areas this has really impacted me personally is in conversations with others, my marriage and in disciplining my children.

Previously in conversations with others I would always feel the need to defend my point of view or put in my two cents if you will.  Especially, when mothers start talking about their children, what works what doesn't.  We all have that friend who seems to know everything and who can solve all your problems in an instant.  I guess this year I learned to listen and not always contribute.  Also, I am not feeling the need to defend my positions or views so much.  Let's face it what works for me and my family may not work for someone else.  Not feeling the need to always chime in and convert people to my viewpoints is sort of freeing.

Restraint with the hubby.  We have all been there.  Our spouse says something, maybe throws a zinger at us and everything in us wants to respond by throwing a zinger back.  At least I do. Also, if Ben ever criticizes me I  feel the need to respond defensively.  Through God's grace I am working on this.  My sister said something to me that really stuck with me... Does what you say to your spouse bring Him closer to the Lord or farther away?  Ouch.  If it is the latter it doesn't need to be said.  Also, I have learned in my marriage during periods of disagreement, words can be fuel to the fire.  If I can just walk away and say nothing in the heat of the moment I am not throwing an accelerant on the flame escalating it to the next level.  You follow?  Furthermore, another important lesson I have learned from my sis this year is to pray for God to give me the exact words to say to Ben when I feel misunderstood. Restraining my tongue in the moment and spending time in prayer for the perfect, time, place and verbage to address hard conversations have helped my communication with Ben tremendously.

Last but certainly not least, restraint in hard moments with my children.  I consider myself a pretty patient person.  However, I have four children and there are some days I lose it.  You know the times when your eyes turn red, your voice sounds like Satan and you can't help but scream at the top of your lungs.  Yep that's me sometimes.  People say that I don't seem like a yeller and I have to laugh.  Because although that is not my first choice, sometimes I can't help it.  Is it effective?  No. Does it make me feel better...well sometimes...but not really.  My current devotional Jesus Calling has really helped me in those lose my mind moments. I close my eyes and bring Jesus to the forefront of my thoughts.  Stop and pray. How would Jesus have me handle the situation? Christ helps me be loving even though everything in me wants to throttle my children. 

It happened the other night with Caroline.  She was having a temper tantrum of epic proportions. I didn't let her have a slush because she wouldn't hold my hand in the parking lot. I decided she was just too filthy to put to bed without a bath.  Ever try to give an out of control child a bath?  I don't recommend it.  As I was running the bath water she picked up the bath towel and threw it in the tub completely soaking it.  I wanted to spank her on the spot out of anger and yell.  I stopped, brought Jesus in to the forefront of my mind, calmed myself down, was able to address her firmly, but calmly which eventually calmed her down.  Later, I rocked her and talked to her about her bad choices. I had to applaud myself on that one.  Not a normal reaction.  But as I was thinking about it, I was only able to achieve that restraint through the Holy Spirit.  My human nature wanted to handle it completely differently.

Come to Me continually.  I am meant to be the center of your consciousness, the anchor of your soul.  Your mind will wander from me, but the question is how far you allow it to wander.  An anchor on a short rope lets a boat drift only slightly before the taut line tugs the boat back towards the center. Similarly, as you drift away from Me, My Spirit within you gives you a tug, prompting you to return to Me.
Sarah Young Jesus Calling

Restraint is hard,  I am still working on it everyday.  Practice makes perfect. As I seek His presence I am also gaining His peace.  The peace that passes all understanding.  My hope and prayer is that I can show restraint like that of Jesus Christ. 

OBX Baby!

Back from the Outer Banks of North Carolina.  What a fun, relaxing trip.  One fabulous house on Cape Hatteras beach and accompanied by the equally fabulous Kneisley family for the week.  Priceless.  My kids ran up and down the four stories of our beach house, stayed up late, enjoyed evening and early morning dips in the pool and warmed up in the hot tub afterwards.  Rough life?! 

As a mother there are few things better than watching my kids frolic and play and enjoy life.  They had a blast playing with their cousins and having slumber parties at night in a room full of bunk beds.  I just let them go.  I eased up on the rules for the week.  They consumed numerous cans of coke, stayed up late,  they even ate Klondike bars for breakfast one day.  My heart swelled watching them enjoy the vacation so much. Ben and I spent time talking in the hot tub after the kids went to bed and reconnecting. And no we did not reenact hot tub scenes from The Bachelor so get your mind out of the gutter! We enjoyed our night to cook. We all took turns fixing dinner for the family.  Ben and I had fun shopping for and preparing fish tacos together. 

Every night all four girls fell in to bed totally exhausted from the activities of the day. I loved standing there staring at their rosy, sun kissed cheeks and bleach blonde hair as they slept.  I fell asleep myself feeling blessed and thankful and even more certain that one of the most important things in life is family.  Family forever, for always, no matter what.

One of the greatest gifts my parents and Ben's parents have given us and our children is that through the years they have paid for the lodging on family vacations. That has enabled us to go places and make memories that otherwise would have not occurred because we wouldn't have been able to afford to go each year.  I am one lucky chick.  I plan on paying it forward to my girls one day and pay for them to come on vacation with us.  It truly is one of the best things our parents have done for us.  Who am I kidding?...we have four daughters.  By the time we pay for college for all four and for weddings we will probably be broke and living with them anyways.   He he.

We had perfect weather.  Baby blue skies, sunny and breezy.  I was happy as a clam sitting on the beach, toes in the sand watching my girls catch hermit crabs, fly a kite with grandpa, and dig holes and build sand castles.  Anna and Brynn were quite the surfers.  The waves were larger than we have here in Jacksonville.  They would crash over the girls heads and I would sit, literally holding my breath waiting for their heads to pop back up.  Caroline stood on her boogie board barely in the water and grinned from ear to ear when I would whistle and call her Bethany...as in Bethany Hamilton. Aubrey wasn't so enamored with the beach and kept asking if we could go home.  She's my little diva. She much preferred the hot tub!

It was a great week. It was nice to go somewhere that was literally out in the middle of nowhere.  20 minutes to the grocery store, limited cell phone service, a few small shops and a handful of local restaurants.  It forced us to play games, read, and spend quality time together.  We were off the grid if you will and it was totally refreshing.  I didn't return home feeling like I needed a vacation from my vacation.

Before leaving to come home, our entire family gathered and recalled favorite memories and shared experiences from the week.  We prayed together, giving God all the glory,  we asked for travel mercies and rejoiced for being able to enjoy His wondrous creations.

Always look to nature to remember the awesome power of God. All you have to do is go outside and look around you. The beach is my favorite places to realize the awesome power of God.   I love the way the tide, ebbs and flows much like life and family.

My cup runneth over.  Completing this post with much gratitude.