Serious Cuteness and Demons

My little Aubrey.  A cherub.  Maybe, I am a little biased. That youngin is sporting some long lashes attached to those piercing, baby blues.  Her blond hair falls perfectly around her face.   She is seriously cute.  Yes, I know, I am her Mama and I probably think she is cuter than she is.

My friends and I used to discuss whether we would know if our kids were ugly or not.  We even promised to tell each other the "truth."  I am convinced, no. You will never think your kid is ugly and your friends will never tell you the truth.  But I digress.

Really, I am saying all this to say that my angelic little Aubrey is cute but sometimes she can speak to me like she is possessed by the devil and has evil spirits flying out of her.  Out of her innocent, perfectly pursed lips, come the most horrific, statements of defiance and a tone of voice that will  make your tonenails curl.   I gasp, because it takes me off guard. I have never had any of my kids talk to me like this and I am not starting now.

Actually, the minute she talks to me in such a way, she immediately notices the displeasure (and shock) in my facial expression and follows her demand with her most syrupy sweet, softly spoken, "Please?"

Sheesh.

And to add the cherry on top, she usually follows her best manners with, "Mama, you are very pretty." Like that is gonna work....

The other day, I dropped my niece off at her home after preschool.  My sister's in laws are in town so we went in to say a quick hello.  We didn't have much time.  Aubrey went up stairs to play.  I totally knew what was coming before I told her it was time to go.  "We need to pick up Brynn at school," I yelled up the stairs. Aubrey comes half way down the stairs, crosses her arms and screams, "No. I'm not going.  Mama you are mean.  I don't like you."  (In a demonic tone)

I feel my face turning red as I pick her up kicking her feet.  I immediately turn to my sister's mother in law and say, "She hasn't had a nap today." It wasn't even true. Like the only reason she was acting that way was because we skipped her nap. Who am I kidding? I know full well my sweet girl could've slept three hours and she still would have reacted that way when it was time to leave.  Does that mean I am a bad mother?  I thought about it all the way back to my house.  Why did I feel the need to make an excuse for my child's bad behavior?  Was I scared they would think I am a bad parent?  They know I am not.

I felt convicted about the whole thing.

I am striving to be authentic.  I haven't raised my fourth child any differently than my others but she sure does have a fiery temper and it is embarrassing.  I'm done making excuses though.

Children will misbehave and it doesn't always mean we are bad mothers.  My prayer is that I don't feel the need to explain myself when it happens.

Audience of 1 people.  Jesus Christ. That's all that matters. He knows my efforts and my heart. With His divine help, I am trying my darnedest to raise, respectful, obedient, loving, and most of all godly children.  I am trying to be authentic through the process.

Next time you see a kid misbehaving or throwing a temper tantrum give the Mama a smile.  You know that, "I know how you're feeling, I have been there, I know you're trying, it's going to be okay" smile.

Don't judge. There is a very big chance that Mama might be me!

• Authentic faith is not just something I read
• Authentic faith is not just something I say
• Authentic faith is not just something I feel
• Authentic faith is not just something I think
• Authentic faith is something I LIVE!

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.  John 8:32

Bedtime-A Reverse Hostage Situation

Ben and I love to watch Jim Gaffigan.  He's a comedian and he is hilarious.  I know some of his stuff is on Netflix.  He describes having four children like this," Imagine you're drowning and someone hands you a baby."  Sad but true.

Let's see, when I was dreaming about the picture perfect family, before I ever had the picture perfect family I thought a lot about bedtime.

I imagined that all of my freshly bathed littles would crowd around me before bed, I would read them a story and say prayers with them and then I would sweetly tuck them in admiring their sweet slumber....NOT.

Okay, this is how it really goes. After dinner I look at each of my children, size up how dirty they are, think about the next days activities and figure out if there is any way I can get away with not giving them a bath.

Reading, um no.  I will read you 50 books during the day but at bedtime I am done. Done. Done. Done.  Put a fork in me. Not to say I don't sometimes read but I get to pick the book.  There is no way I am risking somebody picking the long book with 100 words on each page.  The more pictures, the better.

Then you have to factor in that each child will come out for some reason at least 2.5 times.  Yesterday to give you an example, Brynn came out to tell me Anna was listening to her iPod under the covers. Caroline came out to tell me Aubrey was stuck between her bed and the wall (background noise Aubs yelling "Help!").  Caroline finally came out for about the 6th time around 9pm crawled up next to her dad on the couch and said, "I'm going to sit here by you and watch TV.  I'm not really tired."

Whack a mole I tell ya.  Just like a game of whack a mole.  It is impossible to win.  Jim Gaffigan describes bedtime as a reverse hostage situation. "Just stay in there.  I will meet any demand.  I'll give you whatever you want, but just stay in there."

Somedays you have to laugh.  What else it there to do?

I Love You More...

I have four children and I try to have different things that connect me to each child.  For example, a code word, a special handshake, a certain way we kiss goodnight or a sentence that the other one finishes.  One thing I play with all my girls is "I love you more."

When playing I love you more, you look at the person and tell them you love them more than something you really, really like a lot.  We had time to play I love you more on our return trip from spring break.

It was very interesting to hear what my girls said.

Me: "Caroline, I love you more than sweet tea."
Caroline: "I love you more than chocolate ice cream with sprinkles on top."

Me: "Anna, I love you more than pretty flowers."
Anna:  " I love you more than hot tubs. You know how much I love hot tubs Mom." 
It's true when we go on vacation in the summer you will find Anna in the nearest hot tub even though it is 98 degrees.

Me: "Brynn, I love you more than getting blond highlights in my hair."
Brynn: " I love you more than a  Reese's chocolate egg."

Me: "Aubs, I love you more than McDonald's french fries."
Aubrey: " I love you more than purple blankey."
Whoa, purple blankey, that is alot, I thought to myself. My sweet girl loves purple blankey.  She wants purple blankey when she is sad, when she is scared and when she is just chillin on the couch.  That girl loves purple blankey and she just told me she loves me more.

Suddenly from the backseat, I hear Brynn pipe up, "Mama I don't love you more than God.  We're not supposed to love anything more than God."  It was one of those mommy moments when you smile and think, all the muttering about Jesus and teaching godly lessons on a daily basis is sinking in.  You think it doesn't matter and they will never remember but they do.   I am not naive to think that she totally understands what it means to love God completely and totally more than anything or anyone else in the world.  However, the seed has been planted and by her comment, I think it has begun to sprout. I think I have spent most of my adult life learning how to love God more.

Do we love God more? More than anything else or anyone else in the world. 

Do we put ourselves or our children before God?  Do we make idols of things like food or fashion or exercise.  Does how we spend our time and treat other people reflect that we love God more?

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.  Matthew 10:37

This made me think about how much God loves us. 

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:16

His one and only son.  He loves us more.

Spend Yourself

Well, we made it back from the Bluegrass state.  My old Kentucky home.  Love that place, but love coming home more. Driving back, I kept thinking about our trip up and how much my older kids pitched in.   I kept replaying in my head how Brynn stood right by Aubrey with a trash bag as she vomited.  All the while, I was trying to drive and screaming instructions from the front seat.  I even annoyed myself.  On the ride home, Anna must have picked her sister's blankets and toys off of the floor 50 times, never saying a word.  There was a gentle sigh after the tenth time or so.  It made me think about how having 2 babies back to back has required my 8 year olds to go above and beyond...alot.  And quite frankly, I feel guilty about it sometimes.  Mommy guilt.  It's the worst!  And yes, before you email me I know it's not from God.

Ironically, the day after returning from Kentucky I had Bible study at church.  We are studying Beth Moore's The Fruit of the Spirit.  By the way I highly recommend.  Okay maybe not so ironically, I kinda felt God nudging me a bit as Beth spoke about how selfish the world is.  She said we often shelter our kiddos from the wrong things by not requiring them to pour out for others.  In doing this we reinforce self absorption.  She went on to say that often times when we are in a pit in our lives, if we pour out for other people our problems don't seem so big anymore.  So true, isn't it?  I couldn't help but think of all the times I have asked my twins to pour out for the good of our family or their sisters over the past few years.  It was like God was saying to me, "It's okay."

Doesn't meeting people's needs make you feel good?  It's because we were designed by God to show kindness and goodness to others and when we do, it fills us up as well. It meets a need in us. We were created this way.

God really testified to my spirit that my kids would probably be very spoiled.  Yes, they are required to help out more because we have four children, but this is teaching them to be a servant, to be like Jesus. Do we possess God's heart of kindness and goodness? Do we share it? 

I'm so over lip service. I'm over religion. I am all about a relationship with Christ and the overflowing peace, blessing, contentment and goodness it brings.

I learned a verse this week that I have never read before.  I love it.

 If you spend yourself for others...

The Lord will guide you always, He will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.   
Isaiah 58:11

Beautiful.

Childhood Home

Sitting alone watching the icy rain drip down the window pane.  Comforted by the sights and smells of my home.  My childhood home.  I left many years ago to make my own life, have my own family.  However, I love to come home.  I love to walk through the door and be surrounded by the familiar furnishings, family pictures and the very same Easter decorations that adorned my house as a child. I am thankful to be apart of my family.

As I sit here deep in thought, the depth of gratitude for my life and my family overwhelms me.  I started thinking about my girls growing up and how I hope they will always love to come home.  I hope it will be a place they can come find rest from the world.  I hope it will always fill their hearts and minds with fond memories. Once they have made their own nests they will want to return to where their lives began and bring their children.

I am taking lessons from my mother.  She makes every effort to make my trip home relaxing, comfortable and fun.  How you ask?  She does all our laundry, the minute it comes off our bodies.  I no sooner take off my pajamas that they are freshly washed and folded on my bed.  She cooks our favorite meals.  She always has the kitchen stocked with yummy treats and homemade goodies to eat.  We don't need them so much anymore, but when my girls were babies she kept diapers and swim diapers on hand.  It's the little things.  The special touches.  I appreciate them so. She never makes us feel badly when our children break her decorations or spill on her floor. She takes people "potty" and shares the burden of getting the littles drinks five thousand times a day. She never complains about the toys she trips over in the floor.  I am grateful.

That is why I put 4 children in the car and drive 12 hours to see my mom and dad.  Yesterday, our trip wasn't fabulous, I will admit.  Aubrey threw up three times on our drive and the highway we needed to take was closed due to a rock slide.  We took a one hour detour through the hills of West Virginia.  I'm sure anyone would have given me permission to completely LOSE MY MIND, but miraculously-I didn't.  So glad that God has been working on me lately. I have learned to find joy regardless of circumstances.  Extra time to count my blessings.  I feel so much joy inside for my life. The trip may have taken a little longer, but we made it safe and sound to the place we love. We are surrounded by precious family.  My kids and I couldn't be more thrilled.

As I finish my coffee before daylight breaks I enjoy the silence. My thoughts consume me.  I think about how I want to be my girls mother now, not their friend.  God has given me the charge to raise these little ladies and teach them important lessons.  If I rely on God, follow His leading and raise my girls accordingly,  I can be their friend later.  But not yet.  Still too much to teach while they are under my roof.

If I teach them well and pass on the importance of a relationship with God, we will be friends later.  Just like my Mama and me.  We are best friends because she did the hard work of raising me right when I was young.  And now I love nothing more than coming "home" to visit, and chat and laugh cause we're friends.

Blessed chaos. My sister Stacy is also home this week. 7 grand kids, 4 adults and a partridge in a pear tree. Don't forget one happy Nana and Pop. Mama looked at me today and said, " I am in heaven." So glad she feels that way.  We refer to their house as,  "The House of Yes."  The grands get whatever they want and all is well.  I am excited to be a grandparent some day and do my share of spoiling. That's what grandparents are for!

The whole trip home Brynn kept saying, "Mama, I know this a long trip but it is soooo worth it."  I reply, "You're right sweet girl, so right."

Happy 3rd Birthday Aubrey!

My baby girl Aubrey Charlotte will be 3 tomorrow.  It seems like yesterday she was born but her three years of life have been a whirlwind.  I watch her ride down our street in her little red sports car with her friend Ella and I know that will be reality sooner than I would like to admit.  Okay let me clarify, not the red sports car part but me standing on the driveway watching her drive away.  Trying to capture every special minute.

Her only requests: Take me to Chuck E Cheese. This is a labor of love I seriously do not like Chuck E Cheese. And #2 buy me a Baby Alive Walking baby doll.  Grandma Kneisley delivered on that one so needless to say my baby girl will be thrilled tomorrow.  We are shooting for Chuck E Cheese early because who wants to be there on a Saturday afternoon?   Yikes!  Pizza for breakfast anyone;)

Caroline and I picked her out a pink tricycle.  It said ages 1 to 3 but honestly Aubrey is about the size of a 1 year old so it should fit her perfectly.  Caroline is scheming as I type the best way to wrap it.  I suggested a big bow but she didn't like that idea.

Some of the unique things I love about my Aubs. She is the smallest person in this family, however, her courage and confidence abound.  She is never afraid to tell how she feels.  As a mother I am trying to teach her to speak kindly, and season her speech with grace.  You get more with sugar than with salt, sweetheart. She is a mother to the core.  We cannot even run to the grocery store for milk without taking our baby dolls. Dad tries to discourage but I think he has given up on that battle.  Babies must come with...always.  She is constantly comforting, bouncing, feeding and swaddling.  I say she is getting some good practice for the journey of motherhood.  Not for the faint of heart.  My sister and I swear she will be the next Michelle Duggar.  I love Aubrey's eyes and how expressive they are.  She will use those baby blues to her advantage one day!  I truly could sit and watch her all day long.  Her facial expressions are so over exaggerated and dramatic it is very entertaining.  Her smile lights up a room.

On her birthday I am choosing to forget that she writes on everything with pens, empties cabinets, floods the bathroom daily, waits too long to potty, tips over the Christmas tree and is the messiest eater I have ever encountered...well there is always Anna.  So I don't know if that is true but I wouldn't trade Hurricane Aubrey for the world.

My absolute favorite thing is when she puts her face up to mine, looks me right in the eyes and says, "It's me and you Mama, it's me and you." Be still my heart, love overfloweth for that girl!  At that moment that child could flood my entire house and I wouldn't care.

It's me and you Aubrey. Always and forever.  Don't you forget it.

My prayer lately for my daughters is that I trust God enough to let them live their lives.  I don't want to be a "hover" mother always worried about what will happen.  That is not God's will for us Mamas!  He entrusted us with His children.Think how much you love them...He loves them more!  May we fully depend on Him to give us wisdom and insight to parent them. He does not want us pacing the floors, wringing our hands, worrying.  That's hard. I am a "what if", "worrier" to the core.  May I not get in the way of God's plan for their lives.  May I be prayerful enough to know when God is opening and closing doors for my children to walk through even if it would not be my choice for them.  And whatever they do, where ever they go, may their lives point to our Savior for all blessings come straight from above.

I have been working lately on rising earlier than the littles to get my quiet time in and myself together before duty begins.  It has made a difference.  When I ask Jesus to fill me up and I give Him my day right from the start everything works better.  Praying I can keep this going.  I used to do my Bible study at the end of the day but when do we really need it?  Throughout our day. It's better in the morning!    

I love my little peanut so much and I cannot wait to celebrate her life tomorrow.  She was an unexpected, added bonus to our family.  A true gift from God and I give Him all the Glory.

Ohh there is the doorbell.  It is the UPS man delivering my 100th grand baby..the walking Baby Alive doll.  Gotta run.

Aubrey Charlotte Kneisley I love you to the moon and back.  Happy Birthday.  Happy 3rd birthday!

Holy Roller.

I have contemplated writing this post for a while and just have never done it.  But today I am.  I was asked a couple of months ago to share my testimony and it made me think about my Christian walk and how it has changed over the years.

I accepted Christ as my Lord an Savior at the young age of 8.  I remember praying every night before I went to bed.  I was raised in a Christian home.  We were always involved at church.  I believed in God.  But one thing I realized about 5 years ago is that although I always believed that God was real and the Bible was the ultimate truth I didn't really "get it."  I followed my mother's example but I hadn't really figured out anything on my own.  Why did I believe what I believed?  Did my life show a dramatic difference because of what I believed? I have to admit no.

Yes, I was a good person, I even tried to point others to Christ but what I have come to realize is that is not enough.  Did my life really show that God had infiltrated every part of my being.  Did receiving the Holy Spirit really effect the way I thought, talked, treated others?  Did I really find the importance of having a daily devotion time? Did I hunger and thirst for the Word of God and want to seek it out?  No.  Plain and simple.  No.

We have all seen the wear Christ on your shoulder and put him in your purse when it is not convenient for Him to be there example.  That was me.  Without even purposefully doing it.    I have been struck lately by how many people do that on a daily basis.  Do you sit in church on Sunday to check it off of your "To Do" list or do you really desire and have a personal relationship with the Lord?  There is a difference.  It is not about religion people.  It's not about rules, and who can do good deeds...it's about a relationship.

You cannot have a relationship with someone you don't invest time in and communicate with.

Being a "good" person will not get you to Heaven. I cannot stress this enough.

A verse that really hit home when I heard it a few years back is

Matthew 7:21-23

“Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’  But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’

 

I didn't get it.  So many people don't get it.  It's not about going through the motions.

 

I have been bombarded lately with scripture about living in the spirit.  I have been a Christian for so many years and I haven't heard  a lot of people preach on this topic or explain what it means.  I had been trying to live the "Christian life" by my own human power in my flesh instead of letting the Holy Spirit fill me and take control of my thoughts, my mind, my tongue and my actions. When I finally surrendered it became so much easier.  God can accomplish what my flesh cannot if I just let him.  What freedom there is in letting him take the reigns and lead.  Truly lead...be in total control.  But in order to do this I must die to myself and my selfish ways. 

 

Call me Baptist, a holy roller, Bible thumper.  That I am. The only reason I exist is for my life to point to Jesus Christ in every aspect.  And let me tell you many days I fall way short but it is my life's desire. 

 

So thankful to be enlightened by the truth of God's word.  

 

Do you live in the flesh or the spirit?

 

Proverbs 30:30

 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.