Monsters

Monsters.

Monsters have been haunting our house for about 2 months now, scaring my poor little Aubrey to death. 

I have told her monsters aren't real. She's not buying it.  She tells me they are like vampires with big teeth.  Where in the world has my three year old seen vampires?    I have told her God is bigger than monsters.  If monsters were real all she would have to say is, "Jesus. Jesus. Jesus." The monsters would have to go away.  Heck, God is so powerful that he had to appear to Moses in a cloud.  His glory was too blinding.  He could trump the monsters.  Aubs is still not buying it.

Tears and terror every. single. night.  This Mama is tired.  You see I've been out of the sleepless nights phase for a while now.  Oh and Lord knows, I have paid my dues there.  Now, I have children who go to bed, stay in bed usually after me loosing my sanity on them following the 5th (ish) trip to the living room and they sleep until approximately 7am give or take. 

This monster thing is causing me to sleep spooning a three year old.  And I have a king size bed. The picture you see on the internet is so dead on.  The mother with literally one leg on the floor and the toddler sleeping horizontally with her arm across the mother's forehead and one leg across her mid section.  That is the perfect visual of me and Aubs lately.  Not to mention there is no sneaking out of my room in the morning for a HOT cup of coffee and some time with my Savior before the littles hit the floor.  Because she always hears me. "Mom, is it morning time?"

Sigh.

However, as batty as I am becoming, tonight's monster conversation was a little too priceless and needed to be recorded. Hence, this blog.

Aubrey: "Mama please do not go to bed.  Stay up all night on the couch. I told you that last night and you went to bed."

Me:  "Aubs, I need sleep too.  I can't stay up all night and not go to bed."

Aubrey:  "Well, please lock my door."

Me:  "Honey, do you really think I would put you in a room where I thought monsters could get you?  I love you more than life itself.  You are totally safe."

Brynn:  "We would protect you with our lives Aubrey."

Me:  "Plus the Bible says nothing about monsters.  They aren't real.  The Bible is the truth and if it isn't in the Bible it's not true."

Anna:  "The Bible talks about demons and devils.  They are real."

Me:  "Anna zip it.  You are not helping."  (Mom eyes follow.)  (Mom eyes are when you open your eyes really wide signaling knock it off.  I have them perfected.)

Me:  "Well, I have a great idea.  I have this monster spray under the kitchen sink.  The monsters hate the way it smells.  So if we spray it all over your room they won't come near it."

Aubs: (Complete silence and skepticism)( She is never silent)

I go and get the spray and begin to spray MONSTER SPRAY (a.k.a. Febreze room spray in lavender scent) Monsters hate it. I spray every nook and cranny of Aubs room.  We started in the hallway leading up to her bedroom door.  We sprayed the window, under the bed , behind the door and in the closet.

I saw sweet relief come over my Aubrey's face.  By golly I think she bought it.  We will see.  I will let you know if she ends up in bed with me.

We put on the Bible verse cd just for safe measure.  God's word is living and powerful and monsters will flee from it.

Nighty night my precious Aubs, Mommy loves you.

2014

The  rain falls fresh on the ground.  The pond rises in my backyard.  My girls stare out the window in hopes that the tears falling from the sky will stop.  Will stop- for a brief moment so they can play.  I woke up this morning wondering if I should begin building an ark.  Will we float away?

I sit in chair sipping cinnamon coffee pondering what the new year will bring.  Giving thanks for the year past.  Thanking God for the lessons learned, the days of refinement that brought me to new heights and new revelations about God, and family and joy.

It washes over me heavy.  I want to focus on joy this year.  Seeing grace and good in the everyday despite feelings and circumstances. The last few years have been burdensome on my shoulders.  My body and soul felt tired most days.  But what have I learned?  I have learned unspeakable joy no matter what is going on in my life, during my time in this fallen world.

We served at Trinity Rescue Mission before Christmas. Ben the girls and I went to serve meals to the homeless.  I want my girls to see the gift of their lives. For that is what it is, a gift from God.  We are not deserving.  We served meals to the faces of hard life and hopelessness through a hot plate of food and something to wash it down.  Most were grateful.  But some were demanding shouting at me, " I have been waiting too long and no food."  Another commented, "This chicken isn't cooked." Walking back to the car Ben commented, "I was surprised how rude some of the people were.  We were handing them free food."   I didn't respond.  That night in the wee hours of the morning a revelation washed over me.  I sat straight up in my bed.  God speaking.  "I give you a life. A life abundant and you complain.  It's not good enough. You want more. How is that any different?"   Don't we do the same thing to God in our lives?  We say thanks but no thanks. We complain.

I am determined to live differently. To train my eyes to see the good--The God in every moment of life. At first it feels mechanical but giving thanks in hard moments softens hearts.  It's a discipline that takes practice and work but becomes more natural over time.  I am committing to practice this year. Every day.

"The practice of giving thanks, this is the way we practice the presence of God, stay present to His presence, and it  is always a practice of the eyes. We don't have to change what we see.  Only the way we see it."--- Ann Voskamp

And if you haven't read the book 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I highly recommend it.  It has changed my life.  I gave her book to everyone I know at Christmas this year.

Prayer.

My other resolve.  I began mid fall taking prayer more seriously.  Kneeling daily petitioning The King on others behalves.  It astounded me how much God listened and answered.  People healed from cancer. Relationships mended. The gift of boldness bestowed.  He hears.  But me, I don't believe that He will answer. He does. Oh ye of little faith. God thank you for showing me you hear me and answer me.  A group of girls and I started a prayer group this fall.  We learned about the disciplines of prayer and I found such joy praying for and with the wonderful ladies in my group.  God is growing and stretching me.

I am beginning a Bible study on prayer next week. I want to learn to kneel,  my face on the floor before God,  before I talk or worry.  That is my wish this year.

I am being molded into the person God desires me to be slowly but surely.  I realize how each moment, hard or happy rubs off my rough edges, refining me. All moments-- God ordained.  May I be able to teach this to my daughters so that they may learn early in life.

Alright 2014, let's see what you've got. May I receive the moments prayerfully, finding joy and grace.

Some highlights of our advent season.

And God is a God with a sense of humor.   He gives me a chance to practice what I type, even before this blog is published.  My girls sit at the breakfast table fighting. Caroline spills.  Aubrey falls off the bench hitting her head on the floor.  Thank you Lord for my children, for another day with them around my breakfast table.  Thank you for our daily bread.

Lessons from TobyMac and the Backwards Dress

I am at the computer this morning writing by the light of the Christmas tree and the garland draped across my mantle.  It is definitely therapy for my soul.  Merry Christmas y'all!

We took the girls to their first concert a few weeks ago.  We went with our closest friends and their kiddos to see TobyMac, Mandisa and Jamie Grace. You will often find us shaking our booties to Mandisa's "Good Morning Song." It was one of the first times I felt like we could go as a family and not leave the littles at home.  Anna heard the concert advertised on the radio and begged me to go.  Leading up to the concert, Aubrey asked me everyday if the people will sing, "This Girl is on Fire."   Ummm no.  Sorry to disappoint little one.

 I have to say I was lost in thought sitting in my seat listening to the blaring music and staring at flashing lights.  The joy that washed over me watching my girls sing and have the time of their lives was priceless.  TobyMac did a lot of Christian Rap music, right up Anna's alley. Not so much my cup of tea.

However,  TobyMac sang a song called, "Speak Life." My daughters know every word. The message in that song hit me like a ton of bricks and I haven't been able to get it out of my head ever since.  Here is the chorus:

Though it's crazy, amazing
We can turn a heart with the words we say.
Mountains crumble with every syllable.
Hope can live or die

So speak Life, speak Life.
To the deadest darkest night.
Speak life, speak Life.
When the sun won't shine and you don't know why.
Look into the eyes of the brokenhearted;
Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope,
You speak love, you speak...

It got me thinking.  Do I speak life to those I come in contact with?  Do I speak life to my children?, my husband?

When I was growing up we always teased my mother about "momisms"  Momisms are little phrases that my mother would say to us when we were struggling, complaining, or just in everyday conversation.  Her top two had to be "Bloom where you are planted" and "Love is a choice, happiness is an ability and God is the source of both."  I would roll my eyes at her.  But now I use her wisdom with my own daughters.

So I say all this to say,  "Speak Life" is the perfect momism!  When my kids say something mean or are fighting I just ask them,  "Are you speaking life?"  They too, roll their eyes at me, but it usually is effective at least for a brief moment.  Another one of my momisms is,  "If you can't be kind, be quiet."  I'm developing my own momism arsenal.  So thanks to TobyMac for helping with that.  If I'm being honest, Speak Life has been running through my head as I encounter the rude check out lady at Wal Mart this Christmas;) And also, as I work on the my major spiritual project for 2013 holding my tongue!

 

I got in the car Sunday to head to church with all four girls in tow.  I was flying solo because Ben had to work. I was feeling puffed up because I had gotten four daughters ready. You see, I run a full service hair salon out of my bathroom in the morning.   They all looked beautiful and we managed to have a "scream free" morning and leave our house on time.  As my car rolled to a stop at the stop sign on my street, I noticed my dress felt uncomfortable.  I glanced down to see the tag was in the front.  I had my dress on backwards.  I sighed, sat there for a moment and smiled. Thoughts running through my head:   Do I try and make it to the church bathroom?   I can't go home.  Everyone  will be out of their seatbelts and have their shoes off.  I will just pull into the school parking lot a street over and turn my dress around.   So, I pull in and take my cardigan off and try and contort my body in the small space between the steering  wheel and the seat to get my dress fixed. No cigar. I had to actually open the car door, stand up and turn it around.  All the while, I hear comments from the peanut gallery in the backseat like, "Well this is awkward. This is definitely one for the books Mom!" I'm sure the whole scene is on some elementary school security camera.   When I start to get a little big headed about what the awesome mom I am,  God always reminds me...  "You don't accomplish anything without My help."   It's funny, God usually reminds me through  wardrobe malfunctions.  I cannot forget the time I walked thorough every hall of Hibernia Baptist Church dropping off my kiddos with my dress tucked in my underwear. 

So ladies, you may think other mothers APPEAR to have it together but they probably have their dress on backwards. 

Folks, have a wonderful week and speak life!

Lines

Looking in the mirror,  I can see the lines of life creasing the skin around my eyes and covering my brow.  I used to say I didn't mind getting older.  But as I age, I can see the trials of life like a road map on my face.  Pridefully, it bothers me.  However, I know deep down that they are what's left of walking some pretty rocky roads.  Roads I wouldn't trade for anything now.  Roads that brought me to my knees, knowing there was nowhere else to look, but up. I had to look up for peace and comfort and to press on and take another step.

I can honestly say, those lines are not without a purpose.  They are present because of the lessons I needed to learn in this life.  The trials I had to walk through to bring me to where I am now. One might call it Refiner's fire.  When we endure trials it's our chance to glorify Christ in how we handle situations.  Did God know they would happen?  Yep.  He knew He would have to carry me at times.  He was there. At every step. He showed up through His living word, kind people and in times there was no other explanation other than Christ. Things that happened that were too bizarre to be a coincidence.  He knew I would walk away closer to Him and with new found wisdom I could share with others.

These hard times changed my heart and my life.  They have given me an eternal perspective. I've never doubted God's love for me. But I have been angry at Him for my circumstances. His peace surpassed my understanding many times. I have learned about kindness, gentleness and love through hardship.  I guess that is what James was talking about when he said, "Consider trials of many kind pure joy." (James 1:2-4)

Today, I have pure joy because of the lessons I have learned, the person I have become in Christ and the relationship with my Savior that I cannot live without.  I now have a testimony to share that is full of God's grace and His provisions for me. I have a duty to encourage others.

So, thank you, infertility, international adoption, divorced parents, marriage struggles, parenting struggles, almost losing a child...I could go on.  But I won't.  All part of the beautiful tapestry God is weaving.  I am only a small part. I have faith in His plan when I cannot see. The struggles are not over yet.  Not until I face the gates of Heaven one day.  My prayer is as long as I walk through this life people see Christ in me.

May I be aware of those struggling this Christmas season. May I be a steady hand to hold pointing them to the only one who matters.

So, I guess I will have to take the wrinkles with the wisdom and thank my God.

Hmmm, I'll take the wrinkles with the wisdom.  That would be a good quote for a necklace or a art print huh?  Maybe Anna can design it for me.

Can anyone recommend a good eye cream for my stocking stuffer this year....

There have been many crazy blessings along the journey.  Here are 4 of them.

Devotions and the Smell

What a sweet, sweet day.  Blue skies and sun shining.  Perfect weather.  The Kneisley Nest spent this beautiful holiday at the zoo.  I kept joking all day, "Why do I need to leave my house to visit the zoo?  I live in a zoo."  We had a wonderful day in awe of God's creations.  I mean seriously, have you ever looked at an ant eater or a giraffe?  And people think animals were created by the big bang theory.  Yeah right. Nevertheless, I digress.

 I had to write a blog tonight to capture the most precious memory with my girls.  Our devotion time.  Honestly, I was on my A game tonight.  Probably, because we didn't have homework and we skipped soccer practice (shhh don't tell). But all my angelic little cherubs were bathed and in pj's early this evening.  Perfect time to do a little devotion.  Normally, we are rushing in later than I would like after soccer. The kids don't move fast enough for my liking. (Shocker do kids know how to hurry?  After my fourth I have decided no!) I lose patience and the last thing that crosses my mind before everyone is tucked into bed is sitting down to do a devotion. 

 I have been convicted about our rushed devotion time or lack thereof and I vowed to do better.  So tonight we began.  We all gathered in the little's room. I turned off the overhead light and filled the room with a soft glow from the lamp.  The girls waited in eager anticipation. Something about 4 blondies sitting across from me with wet heads, freshly bathed in pink jammies.  One of those mental pictures that will be forever etched in my mind. We read about giving Jesus our day and I asked them what they thought that meant.  I always feel a little proud when they "get it."  I almost expect them not to get it and when they do... wow!  What a feeling.  My girls answered spot on.  Then we talked about lying.   We had a little incident today with Anna and lying.   Finally, I asked the girls to pick a specific person to pray for tonight.  We all joined hands and prayed out loud.

Aubrey of course spent ten minutes "praying" about all the reasons people shouldn't lie. We all smirked and peered out from under our half closed eyelids, trying not to laugh.  She is learning. Brynn bent down and kissed her on top of her head, as if to say "good job."

My Brynn.  What a precious soul.  She prayed for all the "veterinarians" today who serve our country and protect our freedom.  Yes. God bless those "veterinarians!"  Thankful for them.

Now about the lie.

There has been an smell in Anna's and Brynn's room for 3 days now.  I have pulled out beds, taken up the area rug,  looked under chairs, smelled curtains and sprayed enough air freshener to kill us all.  I couldn't tell what the smell was or where it was coming from.  It was getting worse. I questioned the girls about it multiple times.  Of course "nobody" (do y'all know him?  He lives at our house) knew anything about it. Finally tonight, I got on my hands and knees and just started smelling everything in the girls room from the floor up.  It was quite a sight.  I was almost afraid to locate whatever was making the fowl smell.

 Finally, I found it.  In a green box on top of Anna's desk was a clam. A clam all wrapped in toilet paper tucked nicely in her box.  We  told her when she found it in the lake last week not to bring it in the house. She agreed.  She disobeyed and she knew all along it was tucked in her box and told me otherwise.  She didn't want me to dispose of the smelly sea creature. Boy, that girl really needs a pet.  I had an inkling that she may know what the smell was when she took it upon herself to spray the Febreeze yesterday.

Tonight, the clam went bye-bye.  Maybe in a few days the smell will too. It was a very teachable moment about disobedience and not telling the truth.  But seriously, my daughter had a freaking dead clam in her room.  I can't make this stuff up.  Never a dull moment in this household.

I chuckle already talking to Ben about it.  He just shakes his head.

So in love with my little, clam hoarding, "veterinarian" loving,  God seeking little girls. Thankful God chose me.

Hope your day was filled with special memories. Mine was filled with memories I will never forget!

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

Temporary

The message that rings in my heart and my head after church this past week is:   this world is temporary.  It was explained, that if you stay in a hotel room for 2 days, there is no way you would take time, fix things up, paint and redecorate just to leave in a couple days.  Our time on Earth is temporary.  Are we eternally minded?

It made me think of all the things I spend time on that don't really amount to a hill of beans. 

I just feel overwhelmingly, this life is about people.  Meeting people's needs.  Encouragement. Showing kindness.  It's about family. Bible study.  Fellowship with friends and praying for people. This life is about being refined to be more like Christ.  This is the cake, the rest is frosting.

When I stand before Christ one day (and I get goosebumps even typing that). I want Him to say, "You were about MY people.  You cared. You possessed a heart for others."  I can't even fathom.  And though I fall way short, that is my prayer. 

Today,  I spent the most precious day with Aubrey and some sweet mamas and their littles. As we talked, it hit me, our kiddos are being molded into the next generation of people who care.   We want them to have a heart for the Lord and to care for others.  Shaping their hearts and minds is no small task and of utmost importance.

We laughed at lunch discussing embarrassing mommy moments, parenting failures and temper tantrums.   This is the hard work.  And though it may not seem like it now, it will pay off in the long run.  God sees our hearts, even when we are in the trenches, digging and digging and digging. Heck, sometimes we are buried.

Before a beautiful rose bush can ever be planted, a hole has to be prepared.  It's hard work digging that hole.  But the bush needs a firm foundation in order to be planted.  It needs care and pruning.  It requires the perfect soil and constant watering.  It may take a while, but one day out  of nowhere we will see that all the hard has work paid off.  There is a beautiful rose in bloom.  The next day there may be another. Sometimes the weather gets harsh and we must cover and protect our plant.  Maybe some of the blooms die off and come back. The God who created rose bushes also created our children.  Children need constant tender loving care. It's worth the time.  He created Moms with hearts as big as Texas with the capacity to love like nobody else in this world.  We love through trials and hardship. Mothers are perfect for the task God has put before them. But we must rely on Him for guidance. 

 This world is just a holding place. Spend time on things that matter. Our time here is just the preview before the movie.  The best movie anyone could ever imagine.  Don't get caught up in the preview.  What hope this gives me.

So, while you are here, be an example and love people. Care about others. Meet needs. Offer a helping hand.  Most of the time it will be a sacrifice on your part...  do it anyway.  Train your children to do the same, to be Christ to this lost and lonely world.

Sweet mothers.  Keep it up. A great mother knows sacrifice.  However, there is not a more important person to shepherd than that little one standing at your feet, looking up to you, to point the way.   Are you looking up to get direction from Jesus?  The only way. 

 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18.

Who am I?

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about myself.  What I like.  What I dislike.  About my spiritual life and my marriage. I have been wondering if I am self righteous.  I have even been pondering about trivial things like my face. Am I  starting to look old?  Midlife crisis? Nope.  But I do admit sometimes I get lost in the humongous responsibility of my family and forget about myself.

Sometimes, I am awfully hard on myself.  This week I talked to God a lot about "me." The resounding answer I heard was, " I created you just the way you are."

On that note who am I?

I’m an honest person.  I have high expectations and can be judgmental.  I love to cook for people.  I hate crafts and don't have a creative bone in my body. I’m courageous and determined.  If you tell me I can't do something it makes me want to do it more.  I am loyal to a fault. I have a huge heart and I feel peoples pain, deeply.  It's a blessing and a curse. It takes a lot to make me mad and I give lots of second chances.  I fiercely love my family.  I have a heart for orphans and adoption. I hate to clean, but one of my favorite things is a clean house. My favorite spot is the beach.  It calms me.  I love to shop. I’m a great listener, but I really struggle with keeping my mouth shut at times.  My faith is everything to me. I want to share it with the world and don't want to come across as self righteous in the process. Still trying to figure that out. I love people. I feel God has given me the gift of encouragement.  I am a sweet tea and fast food addict. I feel my number one job, currently, is to be a good wife and mother.  Someday, I want to write a book or be a realtor.  I am totally transparent.  That is why I write this blog and admit my shortcomings publicly.  I hate facades.  I talk to God throughout my days.  I couldn't live without a relationship with Him and He adores me.

God created me just the way I am and He loves me.  (relaxed sigh)

Life is about embracing all your gifts and faults and using talents God gave you. Be who He made you to be.

In this world of blogs, Internet, Pinterest, and Facebook we are constantly exposed to other's lives.  We read about what they think and how they parent and how they dress and what they eat or don't eat.  It sometimes leaves me wondering.   I question myself.  Who am I? What do I believe? What do I like? Am I good enough?  Media isn't necessarily a bad thing if you can stay grounded in the process. We have to weed through it all.  Know who you are.  Know who you are in Christ.

Christ gave me that big heart that feels every ones pain for a reason. To benefit His Kingdom.  He made me fiercely loyal.  He gave me a passion for adoption.  He gave me a love of sweet tea.  Who knows, maybe someday I will meet someone in the McDonald's check out line that He wants me to be in contact with.

I want to love myself.  With all my quirks, and imperfections because God loved me first.  He has a purpose for me. But God also gave me trials and four children and difficult people in my life to help me rub off my rough edges.  To make me more dependent on Him.

On that note.  I did buy ridiculously expensive (for me anyway) skin care products this week because I came to the conclusion that I need them. 

Who are you?  God loves you.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.  Jeremiah 1:4-5

I am familiar with all your ways.  Psalm 139:3

For you are my treasured possession Exodus 19:5

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14